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hIGhLy MoTiVaTeD… July 26, 2008

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i’m feeling motivated and stuff, yet i really want to lay on the beach for days while the sun warms me to sleep. aaaaaaaahhhhhh. hang on while i  s-l-o-w-l-y come back from my dream. 

okay, so while i simply dream of beach vacations, i am feeling very motivated about some fantastic things on the horizon.  you know how you can be pumped and excited and ready to roll? well that’s me right now. however, there are a few pressing details to take care of first. 

have you ever felt like there is so much of life to soak up that you don’t even have a sponge big enough to take it all in.  the good, the fantastic, the bad, ugly and the indifferent…i want to soak it all in.  my prayer:  God give me strength to handle it all with wisdom.

if the last two years as a worship arts director has taught me anything, it would be…strength in the face of whatever and just as you seem to get wHaCkEd in the face with stinger of sorts, you may then have to turn around within moments to minister to the heart of someone He puts before you.  exhausting and invigorating. gotta love it.  and strangely enough, i did and i do.

i’m ready to push forward and watch God move in this life of mine.  in the meantime, it won’t hurt to pray for a trip to here. (teehee)

i am exactly one month away from this sweet girl’s third year of existence in my world, my life, my heart, my soul, my family.

i guess you can say that she is a part of why i’m motivated to move through life the way that i do.  as i type this i shudder at the thought of her.  my heart breaks but i’m thrilled to have had her (my amber lynn).

as i watch my son and how he plays with little babies and cares for them, i feel blessed to see God work in his life.  i see the tenderness that a five year old testosterone filled, highly energized and intelligent little boy handles children smaller than him with care.  i also can’t help but wonder if he’s fulfilling his longing for his little sister through his play with these little babies. 

i see this and i am motivated to move through life the way that i do or at least attempt to move through life in a decent way.  i a moved to do right. do good. do life the way Christ call us to. to simply do better.

motivation comes in many different ways. i say, keep your eyes open to how God shows you things.  it may not be the way you want it, but i just have to believe, like the bible tells us promises us, “all things work together for the good of them who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose”

because of our amber lynn, my husband is motivated to move closer to letting God heal his heart. my prayer:  God please strengthen him as he discovers your true joy, peace, courage and wisdom.  this song i dedicate to him. he loved the song long before we were ever blessed to be able to conceive her and he had it sung (beautifully by a good friend) at her memorial service. so i call it a song meant to be just for him.  here’s to you my friend…

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whew! 5th birthday mylestone…check July 23, 2008

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, children, my baby. my boyl my joy, my ramblings..., raising children.
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this little sweet face boy is growing up very fast…gotta run so that i can get some qt time with him:)

we can check it off the list. my little boobear is five, his party is over and i can seriously try to get over the fact that life is moving full speed ahead. 

i did the carnival theme and it was really fun.  i don’t know howi don’t like to do kids only birthday parties because i relish in having bunches of friends and family around.  my son gets to know what it’s like to love family and to look forward to and cherish the time that he gets to be with them (family and friends that is) .  call me crazy cuz i know that i am, but i really like crazy fun parties with bunches of people.  growing up, parties with all of our extended family and such in attendance were usually more quiet affairs.  my husband likes quaint and cozy.  so, to my husband…your baby boy and i are sayying THANKS for indulging us and helping to make the carnival fun happen!!! 

we had a carnival theme, and i do declare that it was the most fun and easiest party to plan.  just rally a few friends to help with entertainment, round up the toys that all of us know we have too many of and bakebuy some cute cupcakes and colorful balloons and streamers and you’ve got yourself a partay! okay so a few more details are missing such as the concession people (popcorn and drinks). oh yeah, the people who kept me moving things along.  

after the party was over, the three of us (andre’, myles and i) cleaned and opened presents and videotaped myles talking about what he thought of his party.  the thing that he said made us both realize whether or not his grandnana could be here all the way from texas, he spoke the most meaningful message to her. please note, it was not the presents, it was not the sweet treats or all the fun he had but he spoke so sentimentally about his grandnana.

us: (camera lens aimed at myles)  myles, what  do you want to say about today, your party and stuff?

myles: umm, i just want to say that i’m sorry grandnana that you couldn’t be here. i wish that you could be here. i miss you so much and i want you to come to my house.  i wish you weren’t all the way in texas so that you could be here with me. i love you sooo much. bye. peace out.

us: (paused camera) looked at each other and had no words. 

andre: mouthed the words wow!

me: let’s call her.

because we as parents are with our kids day in and day out, i dont’ think we ever really realize the importance of having others (friends, aunts, uncles, g-mas, g-pas, surrogate family and special friends and such in the life of our children.  they remember people and how those special people make them feel no matter the amount of time they may get to see these people.  i will not forget that he loves his nana and he loves his grandnana very much and whether or not they are related biologically, they are definitely bonded by love.

so, anyway, we had a long day filled with fun and love.  i will defintiely consider doing the carnival thing again and i am grateful for the friends and family that were able to come and those that wish that they could have been there but were committed otherwise. lots of love

peace 2 ya

i feel sick…can i stay home? July 17, 2008

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okay, so myles is only five and he is already a quick slick talker.  he doesn’t want to go to swim in the morning so before the night was over for him we had an interesting conversation…

myles:  (grabbing his leg and making the ouch noise) oh, my leg hurts

me:  what’s the matter, did you hurt your leg?

myles: yeah, i think my leg hurts. i can’t go to swim class tomorrow.

me: it’s your last day for this session.  don’t you want your certificate and your lollipop?

myles: (pauses to think about the cherry lollipop he knows that he’ll get at the end of session)

myles: i’m goig to be sick all the way until my birthday party on sunday. then i will feel better for my party. yeah, i think i’ll be sick now. (keep in mind that he is saying this as he is playing with his trains)

seems like he’s starting his excuse making early in life.  though i don’t condone this little slick talker’s sad little plea to sleep in tomorrow…i think my leg hurts too. momma is tired! teehee

HE’S FIVE!!! July 16, 2008

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my little baby is now five years old and is soooo excited!!! gotta soak it up and take it in because if the next five years is anythng like the last five years…i don’t want to miss one precious moment.

hey, i’m five…peace out!

   

 

 a day out with family for myles birthday!

 

 reflecting on old baby photos

   

did i grow?    

myles and thomas the tank engine and friends   

 

 

     the end of a long day in the sun

    

 

it hurts to love… July 14, 2008

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okay, so right now i want to be somewhere else.  a tropical vacation would be very nice.  i don’t want to feel but right now i’m feeling lots of things and i wish that i could sit numb for a moment.  i miss one of the little loves of my life and i’m tired and i want to go to sleep but i can’t.  i can’t breathe.  i want to cry but i just keep holding it in. i want to scream but i’m afraid that nothing will come out of my mouth.  i want there to be peace, love and flower children…but i missed the 60s. teehee  i want all of my wishes to come true for me, my family and my friends or what the heck…everyone! i want gas for three dollars or less or free. teehee.  i want to be more like Christ, but sometimes i just miss the mark.  i want to listen more and talk less.  i want to love hard without regret. i want to respond with love and grace in confrontation.  i want to be less selfish and more giving. i want lots of money so that i can help more people. i want to be more compassionate, more gracious and less judgemental. i want to trust God and believe Him when he takes me on a journey.  i want to hug my babies (both of them). i want to be done with grieving. i want to be done with grieving. i want to be done with grieving.  (did that make it stop?) hmmm.  this “no air” song really captured some of my thoughts that i’ve been feeling except it’s not love between a guy and a girl, but love from a mommy to a daughter.  i actually listened to the lyrics and i really like this song…

SOMETIMES LIFE STINKS (LIKE REALLY BADDDD!!!) July 13, 2008

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okay, so like right now i have some stuff that i just have to settle with God.  i just really need your help Lord in knowing what to do and how to be for some good friends of mine.  i feel like i’m surrounded by broken hearts, betrayed hearts, sorrowful hearts, regretful hearts, sad hearts, tiny hearts and hearts that i know can be redeemed by God’s never failing love. 

everything that i do is intense (or so it seems). so, needless to say, i can feel their broken spirits and i just want to hug them, hug their hearts, love on them and really let them know that i care for them and encourage them to cry out to God in an honest way, what is tearing them apart inside.

one is going through a divorce and we all know how !#$%^&*()_+ that is. yes, i just said !#$%^&*()_+!!! her family is hurting and i am so proud of her for speaking her true feelings, doing what’s best for her family and still holding on to God as much as she can.  she has presented herself in such a gracious way in the face of several heartbreaking blows (all one after the other).  my prayer is that she knows that God will be with her as she continues through this valley making her way to the mountain top with God.  God bless my sweet friend and her beautiful and brave little ones. this video is for her and it is one that penetrates the heart and points us back to Him. 

my other friend is in a really weird place in life as a lot of people i know these days.  nothing feels good about where she is but i just want her to know that God will take care of her heart and knows the plans for what the next step in life is.  she does not have to worry much though it can’t be helped sometimes.  i’ll miss her dearly and i know that we’ll remain friends…our kids have made a connection with each other and we’ll have to never let go of that.  isn’t it funny how we always say that we’ll never lose touch or contact with each other but sometimes we let those relationships slip a little at times.  i just want her to know that all that He has placed in her lap…she can handle it and i’ll be there in what way i can but as i’m sure she already knows very well is that God will never let go of her in ALL things. i’m proud of her and her family and i am proud of her for seeing that glimmer of hope that He has given her!!! love and blessings!!! this one is for her and them. 

then, i have friends (some youthful ones and some grown up ones) that have to experience making tough choices, tough decisions and who find themselves in hard spots that they don’t want to be.  always God is with us and we need him to guide us with WHAT TO DO NEXT, WHAT TO DO NOW AND WHERE HE WANTS US TO BE.  my prayer is for God to lead me and those around me and my family to do what it is he wants for us to do.  let us be courageous, contagious in our response and our love to each other.  renew us and strengthen us and refresh us daily.  let us stand in the face of whatever comes our way and know that the You who dwell within us can survive, strive and conquer.  we will love, live and be how you want us to be.  not our will but yours Lord. we trust you and yes we believe you. we will stand upon your word. in the name of Jesus. Amen!!!  (sorry i did no edits to this post tonight because, well, i was lazy…teehee)

much love to ya

taking a cue from the dude… July 5, 2008

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okay, so the dude is what i sometimes call my four year old.  and he often cracks me up. i asked him to talk on the phone to a long distance relative and he rattled off a laundry list of things that would keep him from doing so. he said to me, “well, i’ve got to first do my chores, play with my trains, eat my breakfast and i got other stuff to do, so i’m busy”.  talk about honesty. so i asked him if we should call this relative later on and he told me (very adamantly)…”i told you that i’m gonna be busy, i don’t want to do that”

can someone tell me when did a four year old get chores and a schedule that can’t accomodate a two minute phone call. anyhoo, the next time someone asks me if i would do something that i’m not interested in doing…i’ll take a cue from the dude and let them know that i’m busy because i don’t want to do that.  teehee

woohoo independence day! July 4, 2008

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what to do for the day. grill out? watch the fireworks? hang out in the backyard with my family? eat lots of fresh yummy summer fruit? better yet…eat junk food until my heart’s content? watch rocky IV (you know…the one that he beats drago the seemingly unstoppable russian boxer which, is my favorite movie ever) or perhaps attend the taste of something  or the fest of some town here in chicagoland?

anyhoo, whatever i do must say that as i think about the freedom and civil liberties and such of this country, i’m proud that i and my family are a part of this country.  i am of a generation that has gotten to experience things that our ancestors fought for, worked hard for and struggled through.  big shout out and thank you to those who paved the way for us.  (insert patriotic song here:) )

my son recognizes the symbols and signs and what colors and such represent america and he gets excited.  he completely knows what it is like to live the american dream though he does not know all that it entails.  he does not know that as we live in this country, we are privileged beyond what you would see in other parts of the world.  i’m going to be sure to raise him to be appreciative and giving because he is so blessed. the good thing about the american dream is that it does not mean the same for all of us…free to be independent of looking, being, feeling, living, acting, living, loving, doing, worshipping the same as everyone else.  i love it.  we’re free to worship as we please which means we do not have to hide our love for Christ. we can share our love for Christ out in the open with others.  Free not to hide who we are in Him! yay!

so as i sit here, trying to figure out the day, i’m going to sign off and dig into some fluffy blueberry pancakes that my husband has prepared.  he cooked because today i am free from domestic duties such as cooking…teehee. okay, so that’s pushing the freedom thing a bit but it sounded good right?!

have a great extended holiday weekend…happy independence day!

hitting mylestones… July 1, 2008

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okay, so i remember when this guy was really small with chubby cheeks and so so cuddly.  of course he is still cuddly, but all the signs of him being a baby have hit the skids and the fact that really soon i will not be buying any clothes with a tag that says 2T, 3T, 4T is making me sad.  i have to be excited because he is really, i mean REALLY excited that he is going to FIVE in less than a month. 

this pic is way back when…

 

and these are nowadays…    

 

 these two are no longer babies…he is a well spoken little boy entering kindergarten in the fall and she has grown into a great young woman.  good thing i haven’t aged a bit…teehee.

book crazy… July 1, 2008

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okay, so now i can catch up on some much desired reading.  i really enjoy reading and i am intoxicated just by being in a bookstore (doesn’t take much to make me happy…teehee).  anyhoo, i have a few stacks of books that i’m anxious to dig into.  don’t know what book to read first, so i’ll do what i like to do best…read 2 or 3 at a time.  i’m a little impatient to wait until i’m done with one book to dive into another.  it’s kind of like channel surfing between two movies on tv.  can’t wait to dig in! btw…always looking for a really good read suggestion.

even more fun…my little buddy and i can have more of our “coffee” dates which gives us a reason to go get a drink treat and read some of his favorites.