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hmmm…interesting thoughts according to me August 3, 2008

Posted by jonesgurl in my ramblings....
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okay, so today we were with some friends in small group.  a small group of what? it’s not what some of you may think. no, we don’t stand up and say…”hi, my name is _______ and then all reply back and say hi _____. mostly we get together every couple of weeks and do life together. we chill, chat, eat, laugh, talk play, joke around and get transparent in God’s truth for our life. 

if you get to hang out in a group dynamic where you get to do life together, i encourage you to do so.  it’s a lot easier and better to love others and yourself for who you are when you get real and discuss (out loud) life’s stuff.  not all people are trustworthy to know your deepest, darkest. however, there comes a time when you learn to trust each other and rely on each other to uphold you in prayer and honest conversations.  nothing really scary…mostly just freeing. 

all this leads to knowing more about yourself in an honest way. you may then begin to want more and better for yourself regardless of how revealing you have to be to get there.  i was such a person that most of my thoughts stayed internal.  i did a lot of thinking and even judging of myself and others.  kind of ugly, i know.  but as i am determined to be a better person for myself and my son and my family and my legacy,  it becomes more and more important to change thinking and work on heart issues.  the lines to one of the songs that i really like goes a little like this…

i wanna leave a legacy

how will they remember me

did i choose to love

did i point to You, enough to make a mark on things

i wanna leave an offering

child of mercy and grace

who bless your name, apologetically

to leave that kind of legacy

key and operative words to the song are…child of mercy and grace. i’m learning to be more gracious and merciful. i used to almost be merciless because of my extreme strict thinking towards myself and others. i’ve learned to loosen my grip a bit. as i raise my son and live in a harmonious household home with my husband, i have learned and am still learning daily, the value of loosening the grip and taking away my own projected expectations.  something of importance…we can project onto others and choose to be disappointed on a daily basis. other stuff…be gracious and kind and most of all loving and allow people to be who they are and love them anyway.  love is a choice my friends.  whoa, i almost choked on those words. love is a choice.  hmmm. love is a choice. love is a choice. love is a choice…period. don’t you wish that love could just blissfully happen? hmmm, it ain’t like that people! so as you encounter people and interact with people…you have to choose to love.

daily i have to take my big girl pill (metaphorically speaking) in order to be better than i know i am sometimes tempted to be. 

what’s really funny about me is that i’m genuinely very nice, funny, goofy, sometimes wise, sometimes naive (more often than i care to admit), creative, joyful, honest, weird and totally out there. sometimes i can be quite witchy and crabby and judgemental.  but can’t we all? okay, so maybe some of you fine folk aren’t…but i know moi.  i’m pretty sure that i can describe myself as evolving mentally, spiritually physically and stuff. okay, physically i have evolved into the body of a 47 year old.  so i don’t know if i can quite describe that as evolving physically or disintegrating.  no, like really. i was training for and ran the chicago marathon in 2007 and i am being told that i have the body of a 47 year old by some trainer at a gym who put me through the paces to see where i am physically.  i was basically being tested to see if i was okay to work out full speed ahead.  i know that i have gotten out of shape, but what the heck. i secretly wished that he would have taken pity on me and said, free of charge…personal training sessions for you.  well, he didn’t. so i took my body assessment printout and personally trained myself. teehee. yeah right.  i’m still stuck on the “you have the body of a 47 year old”. aargghh!!! what the uugghH!!! so anyhoo, i digress…

well,  i encourage you to get in a small group of some fun folk and do life together.  get real, be real, love, live, laugh, talk, eat and share.  it’s not as corny as you may think.  cuz i’m like really cool. or am i really cool since i used the words “like really cool”.

so, i’ve gotta go. i’ve got a small group of pillows waiting for me to chill and relax on.

c ya.  peace in the middle east. rain in spain. take care!

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