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He gives and He takes away… March 29, 2009

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even in the midst of life’s stuff, do you actually think you can say…blessed be the name of the Lord?  do you?  i’ve often had days that offered the bitter pill of sorrow, tears, blood-sweat-tears, loneliness, sadness, grief, grief, grief…good grief! there are days that i wonder if it’s all too much to swallow that bitter pill even while chasing it down with the cold cup of water called obedience and worship. 

worship in the midst of whatever “it” may be…the good, the bad and the ugly.  some time ago, i stood on stage in a very stripped down state,  leading this song choking down the words that stuck in the middle of my throat.  what was stuck was a big lump of tears.  what followed was me still saying the words “thank you”.  still saying the words, “i will praise you, still”.  still saying the words “Lord, blessed be your name”.  and these words were the hardest of all…”you give and you take away, but my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name”. 

as i was singing that song the other day in church, i realized how much the words still get caught in my throat…yet and still, i will worship Him. 

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I’m found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
StillI will say
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s ‘all as it should be’
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

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lethargy and a big ‘ol tushie… March 26, 2009

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okay,  so i went to my doctor’s office for girlie visit time and as i was sitting there talking with my doc i said, “i think i’m in menopause.”  silence. silence. silence.  and then he looks up at me with his glasses hanging slightly off of his nose, less than half a smirk, and then he continued writing in my file.  silence, again for a few more seconds and then a response.  “so, what makes you think this?”  he asks.  ummm, well,  my girlie time is off, i sweat like a banshee long after i take a shower and beyond and so on and so forth.”  then there is silence.  he starts writing, again.  then he looks up at me and we go through of a series of questions and answers.  so then i say to him, “well, am i? am i or am i not in menopause?”  “well”.  he says.  i don’t think so, you’re quite young for that. but…(blah, blah, blah, blah and some more stuff that i’m not sure that i was tuned in to).

don’t you just love going to the doctor and getting a “BUT” response to your question.  i wanted to say – look doc, don’t make me sweat any more than i have been lately, just give me the quick and dirty. 

so it turns out that we don’t really know what is going on with my body.  what we do know is that something something just ain’t right.   so soon i will be heading to the lab to get tests and such.

anyhoo, the doctor looks down at my file and says, “i see that you’ve gained a little  bit of weight.”  and i said, “why, yes doctor, i have gained weight”.  “do you like how it looks on me?”  “i’ve picked up these extra pounds by eating loads and loads of candy!”  he, being a doctor who is not moved to show much emotion or facial expression at all, looks at me and simply asks, “what kind of candy”?  and i said, “candy, you name it and i like it”.  “candy, candy, candy, i like it!” (score…i got a smirk out of him!)

he may not have found that completely funny but i think he actually wrote the words, candy candy candy in my file.  or was it crazy crazy crazy.  oh well, at least he knows what to get for me the next time i come into his  office because these are the kind of office visits that one should be rewarded for. ya know what i mean.  nothing big, just a little something full of refined sugar will do me just fine.  teeeheee

so, finally, i ask him…”will i be able to have more children if i’m possibly heading into menopause (i can’t get off this menopause kick because i somehow hear my clock tick tick ticking away) and what exactly does menopause mean?”

and he looks up after writing in my file and tells me that menopause means that one’s ovaries are aging and that your body is moving out of child bearing years.  he didn’t say no, or impossible, nor did he tell me that i’m actually in menopause…yet.

so here i stand…a big ‘ol hinie, sweating, overheating and hot flashes, suspicions of menopause or under active thyroid and so on and so forth. 

i am still young and i refuse to go  down for the count this early in life with things all shutting down and drying up and stuff. and if i do…it will be in a blaze of glory baby!!!

 on a brighter note and more importantly, at least i don’t have wrinkles not even the first sign of them at all! i’m just saying.:)

capture that… March 23, 2009

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shameless.  shameless i tell ya.  i am one to snap snap snap away with the camera.  it’s gotten to the point that i taught my son to tell me, “no more paparazzi” when he wanted me to stop taking pictures and videos.  he doesn’t remember to tell me that, he just simply just gives me “the look” when i point and snap in his direction.  but nonetheless, it does not deter me because he is just too irresistible. 

anyhoo, just as i do every night, i went into his bedroom to check on him while he was sleeping.  i wiped his sweat, readjusted his blanket and found that he had taken his little socks off of his feet and he had put them on his hands.  knowing him, he was probably performing a little puppet show for all of his stuffed animal friends before finally falling off to sleep.  i guess he needed to entertain himself since he takes forever to doze off.  funny stuff i tell ya, funny stuff. 

even in his sleep he is the cutest and funniest and most precious.  i can say that because i know you think that of your little one too. 

socks-on-hands

it’s a boy!!!… March 20, 2009

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he’s a slick one.  lovable, cuddly, snugly, and quite cute.  somehow, he’s learned the art of priming the pump to get what he wants.  you know what i’m talking about i’m sure, when your child nuzzles up to you and says all kinds of stuff like i love, you’re so pretty…may i have a (insert child’s desire – candy, toys, privilege, etc.). my boy has got this down to a science.

of course there are times, lots and lots of times that he says the sweetest things, out of the clear blue. and. it. just. makes. my. heart. melt.

well, the other day he really gave it to me.  i was stunned and could not stop smiling or laughing…like really hard.

myles:  (stroking my hair and staring directly into my eyes)  mommy, i don’t mind when you look really gross.  i love you all the time.

me: (sitting there with messy hair and putting on my face moisturizer) why, thank you myles for loving me unconditionally.  and that means you love me no matter what.

myles:  (shaking his head up and down, looking at me with, ummm, concern) well, i really do love you. 

i can only imagine what he was thinking in that little head of his.  dang…mommy looks kinda jacked up without makeup! teehee

snips and snails and puppy dog tails… March 18, 2009

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remember this nursery rhyme…

What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy-dogs’ tails,
That’s what little boys are made of.
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice, and everything nice,
That’s what little girls are made of.

yes, i now believe that’s what little boys are made of – snips, snails and puppy dog tails.

i was walking myles (my five year old) home from school.  as the parents picked up their student and the children said good bye, myles yells out to one of the little girls – “bye, i’m gonna marry you”! i’m thinking…huh, what?  no, not yet!!! no girls!!! there will be plenty of time for that…like in 20 years when he’s all done with college or something like that.

i look at him and laugh a little.  then i gave him a second look.  i laughed again because he thought he was “big boy” cool (chasing girls and such), not even realizing he was walking around with his hat on inside out while trying to woo a woman.  

 moving along, we unlocked his bike, he hopped on and began to ride…in the mud, dirt, rocks, bugs and such.  no problem right? this is just something that little kids do.  though it’s gross, you’ve gotta let them have fun. 

on the way home he and a classmate of his played for a little bit before we head out on our journey home.  so they’re running and playing and such.  all of a sudden his little friend falls to the ground and scrapes her knee (hole in the pants and all).  like a typical kid she cries a bit and gets a hug from her mom.  normally, myles would be very concerned and give a quick comforting hug.  no. not this time. he looked at her to make sure she was okay and then when she kept whimpering a bit he picked up his rock from the ground, took off running and said, “oh please”.  where’s the compassion that he used to have?  sigh.  it’s official!  he’s got the “i don’t care” man in him. he is a boy.

and then, all the way he rode through the dirt, mud, mud, mud and more mud.

sigh.  that’s my boy and i’ve gotta get used to it.  mud, dirt, bugs, scraped up knees, ripped up pants, and that i don’t give a care attitude.

mr. alien hands

my-boy

peeing on trees… March 17, 2009

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men love to claim their stuff.  mark their territory.  be the alpha male.  let you know who is king (or so they think).  they love to PEE ON TREES! 

i am now convinced after watching my little five year old boy that i’m sure that it starts in the womb!  as soon as the sex of a child is deemed – boy, i would suspect that the boy to manhood process begins. 

because i’m a woman and i know nothing about being a man, i am constantly educating myself on everything about boys and their process to becoming a man. 

yep, flinging dirt, playing in dirt, throwing mud, throwing rocks, showing off their muscles, strutting their stuff, boys and their toys, showing off their feathers like peacocks and competing with the next man to show them who the alpha male is.  peeing on trees.

i know that if i did not try to learn all about boys and their growing process for myself, i would parent my boy a completely different way.  i’m pretty sure that i would be a bit clueless.  as i’m watching him as he tries to be a big  boy, i often laugh at what i see (same boyish behaviors) a lot of times in men. 

though, a lot of times women won’t admit it, they like it when a man tries really hard to protect, care, vie for the attention of and show off their strength to impress…and that my friends is what i call peeing on trees.  

Do you think female dogs

babies and big lips pt. 2… March 13, 2009

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sensationalism at it’s best.  more on the octomom.  admit it.  you can’t stop, i can’t stop, we all can’t stop watching, can we?  it’s like a train wreck and we just can’t get enough. ya know.  anyhoo, check it out and then read on.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/29613845#29613845

i saw this on a today show segment – an interview with two mommy pros or something like that.  i know that just like butts, everyone has an opinion, but this video…sheesh.

just watching this made me want to barfarama.  when people are sooooooo critical of other people with hardly any understanding that we don’t all think, act, or live the same – it just makes me want to take up for the person being picked on.  everyone of us comes with baggage, but some of us think that we’re perfect enough to rip people without any grace for others.  i mean like really, i just found my baggage last week and discovered, low and behold – i’ve got baggage.  it’s decorative, mind you, but i’ve got some.

it’s time to start praying for octomom and if you’re fortunate enough to support their family with your hands or funds, why not do it.

love, unending… March 13, 2009

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this following is essential.  you must watch.  it will grab your heart and take you there.  you know, there…the place that where you heart was all hardened and didn’t want to open up to love.  so, watch and let the love jump off the screen and make you dial a loved friend or family.

now wasn’t that just way tooooo endearing.  yeah i was drawn to tears.  now go and dial that special someone and no, there is no drunk dialing allowed.  bahhahahahahaha

babies and big lips… March 11, 2009

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it seems that everyone has an opinion, a thought, an axe to grind, a stone to throw and so on a so forth.  i must say that i’m not quite sure what to say about that situation.  that octomom situation, that is.  she is in a very tough and overwhelming position right now.  did she bring it upon herself?  could she have let someone else have the babies? could/should she have taken a pass on the oversized lip surgery?  who knows.

i guess i could look at all that she’s done as it relates to her ever increasing family and how she should have done this and that differently. if i expressed my opinion, would it be me casting judgement.  but i do believe that there is probably a whole lot more to the story than any of us know.  though, we do know enough to be floored by it all.  or do we?

is it any of our business?  as concerned citizens, we have a right to remain nosey, right?  if she didn’t want us all to be concerned, why is she offering interviews with every form of media possible?  if it’s helping her to raise the funds that she needs to take care of her situation…do we say – go for it?

now that the babies are here, the attention would be best given to the eight new little precious babies as well as the other six children.  will they go home to an already overwhelmed mom?  will she adopt them out to some other parents who are in a position to emotionally, mentally and physically care for them.  heck, how do we not know that with lots and lots of help and a different/bigger place to live, if she can actually do it or not? it just might be possible.  is it fair to the children and whose call is it to make?

 i was speaking with a mother of my son’s classmate the other day and she said that her mom is one of 18 children.  all natural born to the same mother and father.  however, it didn’t sound so odd to me because in the days of our grandparents and even in the days of some of our parents, largeover-sized families were not an extremely odd thing, from what i hear.

my mother had eight siblings.  i never really thought much of it.  i’m assuming that at times it must have been overwhelming for people with very expanded families.  according to all stories told, they did whatever was needed to care for their family.  as far as i can tell, they all came out okay…in a matter of speaking.  i don’t think i ever heard my aunts, uncles or my mom speak of their childhood being jam packed with too many kids.  they seemed to all have experienced parental love, care and if they moved quick enough, they all got a good meal.  but, is that all that there is?  how fulfilling could a life like that be and who gets neglected, misses out on new clothes/shoes or good hand me downs, cultural experiences, one-on-one time, individualized care for disabilities and so on and so forth?  looking at all of this, i think she has a right to be overwhelmed.  and i assume that she is doing some major self evaluation at this point.  she has probably said over and over to herself, “what the!!!”

i am raising one little one and when times are tight as they are with our current layoff situation, i truly get concerned about whether we will be able to provide a well rounded and fulfilling life for him.  thankfully i can be and am thrifty and creative…thanks mom. 

i pray that she gets the resources and helping hands that are needed for her brood.  the babies are here, the deed has been done and she is now freaking out.  if you could, what would you offer to her? ( even if you are angry with her decisions)

so what’s with all of the sensationalism?  i guess the other day, she said she is overwhelmed and is concerned because some of the babies could possibly be comng home soon.  what to do? what to do? 

octomom has some tough decisions to make.  if one of those decisions is whether or not she has to adopt out her children because she has no money, not enough help and no wherewithal to have a healthy family with the new eight additions…that would be the most extreme choice i would ever even imagine she would have to make.  imagine her dilema!

there are consequences on either side.  she would probably be emotional wrecked if they had to go home with someone else.  but then again, she would probably be overwhelmed and without proper resources if they came home with her. 

how many of us would actually be able to make the best decision without thinking that we are not making the best decision? 

here’s the deal.  how christ deals with us is not by looking at our sins as a way to punish us.  though there are natural consequences, there is also grace and mercy from the one who came to redeem us.  he is our counselor, comforter, keeper, redeemer and friend.  so, he definitely would not keep talking to us about how we should have or could have or must have or even how stupid we are.  trust me, he knows how faulty and flawed we are.   but he also promises that upon seeking his forgiveness, upon seeking his wisdom, we can know a different life.  all of us will experience some of life’s drama, but, christ can lead us to wiser decision making…if we seek and ask.

in retrospect, she has said – she probably would have thought twice about being implantedwith more embryos. to live as if she alone was invincible and able  to care for 6 or even 7 children (let alone 14) without a father in the picture and without giving second thought to circumstances was fantasy to say the least.

so the focus should definitely be on what now.  yes, there are some things that will be investigated and laws that may change, or legal regulations put into place and so on and so forth, all based on this whole situation.  i guess, all things happen for a reason.

in the meantime, moving forward.  the focus should be on the six, plus the eight, plus the three adults (2 overwhelmed grandparents with a house in foreclosure status and a harried mom who obviously is in need of many things…).  how to care for them, who will care for them and how to move toward making this situation – a life that god can redeem. should this be the focus now?

monkey trouble… March 10, 2009

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the other day was a bit of a hard day for me, for various reasons.  so as i was laying on my bed praying:  God help me to focus on you and what you will have me to do.  help me to focus on love and how you would help me to show it.  help me to focus on how well i treat others, help me to focus on you as Lord of my life.  as i seek to not allow what others do drive me nuts, please help me to focus on the fact that the same grace you extend to me you extend to others…and so should i.  help me to be humble and to forget about making others right the wrongs that only you can can judge.  carry me through this time.  help me to trust and believe in your promises.  help me to trust in your provision.  help me to focus on you.  let my thoughts of you overshadow, take over and wipe out the thoughts of personal injustices.  help me to see any personal injustices as a way for you to show me how sovereign you are.  though i may not understand your sovereignty, help me to accept it. help me get through my days with love, grace, dignity, mercy and kindness.  God i ask that you love others through me.  in jesus’ name i pray. amen.

how did i remember that prayer?  it has quickly become something that i now say, daily.

so as after i prayed theose words and layed there for few moments, thoughts about the woman who was violently attacked by the chimpanzee who was being raised as a pet, came to mind.  as i thought of her, i of course prayed for her as well.  they say that her recovery prognosis is unsure.  she now has no hands, no nose, no eye lids, possible blindness and could she possibly have brain injury.  she faces all of this because of a chimp that was really meant  for the wild.  he acted out in what i would say is innate, natural behavior, for a wild chimp. 

as  i was thinking about her, i remember hearing her brother describe her as a fighter and a very strong woman.  i started praying that her strong will to live kicks into high gear.  i couldn’t think of what else to say because it just seemed so tragic and my mind just kept stopping short of putting myself in her place.  so, i just prayed that god would HELP, HEAL and give her a MIRACLE.  there is talk of a possible face transplant and other things.  all i can say is…unfathomable.  she will continue to be in my prayers.

i have such a random attention span and a big heart for people in unfortunate situations.  i don’t want to forget about people that i hear about because i’ve moved on to the next news story.  i want to make sure that i don’t just think about news stories and feel sad for those involved.  i want to make sure that i’m praying for people, always.  given that i’m a self professed news junkie, this means that i will be on my knees a lot, in prayer.

gonna make you sweat… March 5, 2009

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for most people it takes energy and scheduling and such to fit your workouts into your day.  anyhoo, it’s apparent by the bit of a belly bulge that i have, that i have not scheduled or fit any type of workout into my days as of late.  the only thing that i’ve fit in has been all the mmmmmmm, yummmy sweets that i fit into my mouth.  remember, i told you some time ago that i love my peeps and all kinds of other sweets.  if you put a wholesome meal before me and a bunch of sugar infused treats…i would trade it all for this –

mmmmmm, CANDY!

COTTON CANDY…DA BEST!       (MAIN COURSE)

  

RED TWISTS (SIDE DISH)

                   

 PEEPS! (DESERT)

See full size image

so needless to say, besides the belly bulge, lately my bootay has also grown a bit. 

i’ve figured out a way to slip in my workout while playing with my myles at the same time.  no schedules, no hassles, no need for a gym membership…just pure fun.  here’s secret to working out and getting in play time with your little one.

1)   turn up the music and  have a 15 to 20 minute dance party.  your kid(s) will love it and you will feel it for sure.  the following, should give you a little incentive…  go toni. go toni go toni. do the robot. go. go. go. wooooooo.  yes, that was just me breaking out the dance moves.

2)   take your kid on a bike ride, except you won’t ride your bike, you will run beside him/her.  your run may not be as fast a you’d like for it to be, but it will be at least a 20 to 30 minute run.  if your child is older, you just might get a chance to run for pace and run for a longer period of time

3) if you’re a sahm (stay at home mom) and refuse to leave the house until you’ve cleaned every nook and crany, you could make sure that you’re moving constantly while cleaning and moving briskly around the house.  also, while trying to catch up on your half-hour tv show, use your resistance bands and do your moves while you looking at the television.  that’s worth at least a half hour of strength work                                               

– or –

make sure that while you’re cleaning and picking up toys and going up and down the stairs, make sure your moves are calculated.  tuck and tighten those abs as you bend and pick up.  also, here’s a bonus –  going up and down the stairs for one thing or another certainly helps with the glutes and cardio. (after giving birth, i was constantly up and down the stairs and it was certainly not because i wanted to and before i  even realized it, i had begun to take off the weight.  however, i found it again…the weight that is)

that’s all i’ve got for now.  the next time i look in the mirror i hope that i’m not saying what i said the other day…dang – i wonder how many months pregnant is she.  teehee. 

gotta go get fit and fine! c ya

 …and no more of this