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bravery… January 27, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in hmmmmm.
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i heard something the other day that i’ve often thought quite the opposite of.  what i heard someone say was, “if i were brave at the time, i would have just cried.”  hmmmm, that’s a thought for ya.  many times and on many occasions, i have exercised my right to assert myself and let you have it.  i was more than willing to let you know how i was feeling and how incensed i may have been at what was done or said.  what i realize more and more is that it is more brave (at times) to pull back.  easy…no!  better at times…yes!

i could think of a few times (okay, more than a few) that i could have been brave enough to show vulnerability versus the girl who takes no shtuff.  i’m pretty sure that  can do both…now.  i’m a softy with a tough exterior.  i could name a plethora of reasons as to why and how that came to be.  BUT, i’m more interested in being braver and wiser.  that will mean making the best decision for me and my family and giving less energy to what someone else thinks i should do. 

i encourage you to be wise in making decisions that would be best for health, wealth and well being of yourself and your family.  be brave enough to be vulnerable when necessary and strong as God gives you strength.  be brave as sometimes you may find yourself standing alone and against all odds, but don’t let that scare you into submission of doing what’s less than your best. 

“if i am brave, i will be a little more vulnerable”  (and i add to that…”that does not make me weak”)  this, my friends,  is worth trying !

c ya

toni

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doing fine… January 13, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in baby news.
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so, i had yet another doc’s appointment for the baby.  all is well and the heartbeat was going strong!!!! yay

i will be meeting with the doc every two weeks and i was told that as of my 30th  week i will have to go to the doc’s office twice a week for heart checks, movements and such.  it seems like a lot but, a small price for the health of the baby

from now on, i have to do movement checks everyday at home to make sure the baby is swimming around fine inside.  at first it sord of took my breath away and i did not want to have a constant reminder of what could be.  so, i’ll be doing my movement checks and deep breathing through it and smiling with every kick and movement

i think being pregnant is the most amazing, fascinating and fun thing , ever.  it’s really interesting how much we sometimes take pregnancy for granted.  it’s a miracle and sacrifice for any woman to conceive, carry a baby in her womb and deliver with both baby and mom healthy and well at the end of it all.  it’s a blessing and extremely fortunate that that is the case.  women really do sacrifice their body and their health AND all of us mommies are happy to make the sacrifice.  and i’m not just saying this because i’m hoping for a push present at the end of it all:).  teehee.  in case you don’t know what a push present is, it’s when your loved one/spouse lovingly presents you with a trinket of some sort for all your blood sweat and tears.  depends on your budget, this trinket could be shiny and bling-like or depends on your preference and taste this trinket could come in a preferred pair of 3 inch heels of some sort:).  it’s not all about the push present but, i’m just saying:)… 

anyhoo, i am grateful and will relish in this miracle that i am experiencing

i will be 22 weeks on sunday, i’ve gained about nine pounds in baby weight and feeling fine.  no food really tastes good to me these days but, i discovered that yogurt does not give me that yucky after taste in my mouth.  so what did i do?  added blueberries and strawberries and smoked turkey(on the side) and inhaled it all as if it was my last meal.  trying not to be an oink oink piggy, i’m going to wait one hour and continue the chow fest.  it may not sound like a lot but, you should have seen how much of each of those things i ate.  when pregnant, i don’t think you have to count serving sizes, right? teehee

until next time…

i’m just saying… January 11, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, hmmmmm.
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so, all kinds of statements are coming out about what has been said behind closed doors and boldly enough, some statements made in public interviews.  i’ve always had a curiosity as to what is a good response for people who you like and people who supposedly like you, when they say something very off-handed about one as a person of color.

recently, we’ve heard a few statements from “friends” of president obama.  funny thing is, when speaking of the current pres.  those making statements refer to him as “this guy.”  i guess that would be much better than some other socially unacceptable term, i guess.  anyhoo, bill clinton has been quoted as saying, “a few years ago, this guy would have been getting us coffee”, harry reid has been quoted as commenting on why the pres. was/is a good candidate for pres., “light skinned” with “no negro dialect” – except, of course  when he wants it.  and of course there’s the hair rod blagojevich, who says,  “I’m blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived,” Blagojevich said. “I saw it all growing up.” 

one can read into any of what has been said and choose to be offended. is it worth it?  it’s all distractions and has the potential to keep one from being focused on what really matters.  what i have learned to do is let actions speak for who i am.  i’ve heard all types of dumb head statements in my day.  my response is much different from what it once was and those crazy  statements, comments, opinions, etc.,  just seem so laughable at times.

re:  dialect (harry reid) – whether one has a dialect of sorts or not, it has no bearing on whether the person is capable and intelligent

re:  this guys getting coffee (bill clinton) – well, quite a few years back, fetching coffee would have been one of the few options, BUT NOT ANYMORE!!! thank God, we’ve come a long way baby! because of our progression (tongue in cheek) we can choose to be someone who pours coffee or leader of the free world.  the choices we have are endless…unlike way way way way way back in the day

re:  the hair rod blagojevich’s comment – well, let’s see, i did not know that shining shoes, living in a small apartment, having a business in a black community and “having seen it all” constitutes being black.  i’ve been a brown person all my life and those factors that the hair  rod was talking about are such old stereotypes that he sounds as stupid as his hair looks.  no one, brown person or otherwise,  is ever synonymous with where they come from. or even their socioeconomic status or even their occupation.  so, as i go into my closet and shine my 3 inch stilettos while i munch on a chicken sandwich and satisfy my craving of watermelon, i will remember that in this lifetime of mine, i will “see it all” and hear it all and it won’t mean a hill of pinto beans and corn bread to me.  (yes, i laugh as i say this but i really really am craving watermelon. really)

re:  being offended – no need to be!  choose not to be!  really, there is no need to get all up in arms because it certainly can’t change the value of one as a human being.  i’m just sayin…

now i’m pretty sure that lots of other politicians, friends of the pres., friends of mine, and heck, maybe even friends of yours, may have said some off-handed things as we’ve come through this really really hot political season.  in fact, i’m surprised at quite a few things i’ve heard come out of some folks mouths, however, sometimes, stupid is as stupid says. we have all said some really stupid stuff and after it has flowed from our lips, we wish we could take back.  i’m just saying

hurdle accomplished!!! January 10, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in growth, new baby stuff.
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so, we are at the halfway mark!!! woohoo and whew!!! i am counting every milestone and waiting to exhale:)  we had an appointment with the genetic counselor and a very long ultrasound and stuff.  all blood work is in (for now) and things look great.  my healthy family history is on my side, so that helps.  my great health is on my side as well.  the ultrasound was fantastic.  all i wanted to see was the heartbeat and i was good to go.  i nearly fell asleep during the extra long ultrasound and after i saw the beautiful beating heart!!!

as we approached this date to see the high risk doctor, i was a bit on edge.  as we sat down to speak with the genetics counselor, tears came down and i was quite anxious.  so far, during this pregnancy, i have been calm and holding my breath.  i’m excited and anxious for the due date to get here, but, i needed to let out some of the anxiety that i have been feeling, internally.  fortunately, she (genetics counselor) knew our situation and she was very understanding (thank God!).  for the first time in quite some time, i did not feel guilty for having those anxious feelings and the care of all the staff helped the visit to be a bit comforting.  side note:  i have been blessed with the best ob/gyn docs and this new added staff of docs and such are all more than a girl could ask for. 

so anyhoo, i sat in the chair, she asked her first few questions, i panicked, looked at andre’ and bam, out of no where the tears fell and i could not breath.  needless to say, that was a long time coming.  although, i say that my anxious moment had a bit to do with the fact that i’ve been on bed rest for 4 days feeling like i was contracting and dealing with round ligament stuff.  but, it’s all good!!!  yay!!!

the baby is muy bonita – beautiful!!! she or he was moving lots for the camera and showing off some of his or her tricks for the docs.  i am starting to actually feel more movement these days.  i am glowing or greasy, take your pick (thanks to the baby) and  i am healthy (thanks to multi-vitamins and cheerios.  i’ve now got a little more junk in my badunkadunk and cleavage that is the envy of all cup sizes under a D 🙂 bahaahaha.  and i owe my increasingly rounding figure to this wonderful baby below…

my very limber beautiful baby 🙂

so, i will be at the doc’s office often enough until may 23rd.  i just realized something, i don’t have to await an estmated due date because they told me that i HAVE to have a c-section.  “really?”  i keep asking them and “yes”, is what they keep telling me.  so i guess my due date (so far) is the baby’s true birthday.  crossing my fingers that i can go au naturale, meaning no drugs, a few big pushes and voila…the sound of a healthy crying baby.  YES, that is my fantasy but it was also almost how delivering my myles went (if you throw in the contractions).  no one told me that it was going to be soooo exhilarating.  by exhilarating, i do mean in a – i’ve waited 40 weeks for this, i’ve had enough of these contractions, i feel the urge to push like nobody’s business, we’re in the final moments of the game, i see the baby’s head, i can’t wait to hold him and i’m running on all adrenaline kind of exhilaration.  and yes, because it was my first delivery, i was pretty blessed and naïve thinking that that’s the way most deliveries usually happen.  surely it can happen again, right?

so, i’ll be keeping you posted and waiting to exhale! until next time, this is me at 21 weeks

nice and round...

c ya

ouch! what the… January 6, 2010

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does anyone know what round ligament pain is?  basically it is a whole plate of ouch, what the heck?  with a side dish of what the !@##$%% was that! 

generally speaking, when pregnant, i sail through the months with very few ills, squeels and pains.  i took for granted that pain doesn’t only come when your water breaks, contractions begin and people are yelling at you to push.  NOT THIS TIME AROUND.

a few weeks ago, i was the fine receipient of some “shoot me now” round ligament pains.  after a few days week of this i thought that was an isolated incident.  ummmmm, nope!  yesterday, last night, the middle of the night and now, the beast of the round ligament pain is back…with a vengance.  i think i slept like 2.5 hours last night.  2.5 hours!!! that meager amount of sleep will do nothing for my beatuy rest.  ya know?!!

anyhoo, the only cure is rest.  so, i thought the word rest meant to simply take it easier than normal.  yeah, right.  that’s when the pain came back with a little more than a vengance.  so now i know that the meaning of rest means to sit down or lay down off of your feet…immediately.  this is really hard to do.  BUT, i’ve got a really precious reason to sit my butt down…asap.   fun times i tell ya, fun times. 

the pain has yet to subside:(  but i’m sure it will soon, or at least i’m hoping it will.  as i caught a glimpse of myself  bent over walking to the bathroom, i looked like a 100 year old pregnant woman.  teehee

until the pain is gone i will be sitting, laying and hopefully sleeping!

c ya

almost halfway… January 5, 2010

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myles talking to the baby

growing much faster than i expected i would but chekc out that expanding belly! 

19 weeks of developing baby in the womb. 

i’ve gained about 7 pounds!  this will be the only time i will ever be happy about announcing weight gain to anyone. 

myles is so excited about the baby that everytime i’m in conversation with anyone, i do mean anyone (stranger, friend or family) he chimes in and announces, “my mom’s pregnant!”  the expression on their face when he says that is hilarious and priceless.  usually they are not sure what to say so they then look down at my belly (for confirmation…i guess).  what’s really funny is that i assume that it is very obvious unless i just simply look extremely bloated.  apparently it’s not as obvious as i think!

anyhoo, he (myles) is so excited and he keeps calling the baby by name which i’m not quite sure how that will play out.  we’re not positive what the gender is and i don’t know what to tell him if we don’t have a boy.  i say boy because he keeps calling the baby jack.  it’s quite cute and funny, that is until we have to break the news to him that that may not be the name or if we have to tell him “it’s a girl”.  small deliema, but in the meantime, he’s having fun. 

over the summer, i gave away some really cute clothes, shoes and baby items.  just as luck would have it…i found out i was pregnant after i was done cleaning out closets of clothes and even some cute baby toys.  uggh.  now i get to go i have to go shopping.  awww, shucky darn.  teehee!!!

i’m not so sure that nesting starts this early into pregnanacy but i’ve been trying to work my way through every closest, every storage area, every creak and crevice of the house in terms of getting rid of what’s not needed or wanted.  21 more weeks of this and i am likely to have the most orgnized house in all of america, the midwest the neighborhood.. 

one last thing, am i still suppose to have an after taste in my mouth everytime i eat?  yuck. the menu of items that i can eat has dwindled down to a very short list.  would it be bad if i only eat vainlla ice cream for the rest of my pregnancy?  sigh. smile.

by the way,  i didn’t have time to edit, so pardon the errors.