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humanity… April 13, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in hmmmmm, i'm just sayin'.
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i’m down to five -four weeks to go.  i’m excited and nervous and excited.  did i say excited?  this could possibly be the last time i get to have this opportunity of a lifetime…being pregnant, that is.  anyhoo,  i’m going to make sure that i don’t take this time for granted.  i’m doing well and enjoying my expanding belly.  i enjoy the fact that i can still wear my 3 inches (heels, of course) this late in the game.  i’m up 15 pounds and down to 4-5 hours of sleep. 

now, about that sleep thing, i hear that pregnant women sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep.  whatever the percentage of pregnant women that would be…i have joined the ranks of them.  not happily, i might add.  i’ve been told that somehow this gets your body ready for when you have to stay up late nights or get up late nights with your brand spanking new baby.  ugh.  i don’t want my body to get prepared for this.  i would much rather be thrown right into after the baby’s birth day.  ya know!

anyhoo, as i am up late nights, i sit there and make lists of things that i have to do but never really get to complete.  i would use the time to clean, but it would require that i stand up from my lazy comfortable spot in the bed or the ahem, more comfortable sofa.  so, instead of doing something more ummmm, constructive, i watch pbs, the news, or the andy griffith show.  (what did you say?  interesting choice of shows..i know, right. but, when you have limited t.v. channels, i mean antennae service only then your options are not that grand.  teehee)  anyhoo, it probably doesn’t matter because i am a big fan of the programs on pbs anyway.

so, i was up late, bright-eyed and busy-tailed and so excited to be half asleep yet wide awake.  anyhoo, i flipped the t.v. channel to pbs and tuned right to the movie “the diary of anne frank”.  wow, is all i have to say.  we all love a happy hollywood ending, but we know that this is not how this particular  story ends.  i am compelled to go back and read the book again.  what strikes me is the loss of so much of a people’s history.  loss of life.  loss of what could be.  loss of what could have been.  no matter how much i wanted to ignore the end of the story, no matter how much i know the end of the story…i still gasped as i read the names and faces of each person and the date of their demise.  it reminded me of the stories of those who didn’t make it through the ill-fated times of slavery.  it really made me wonder about humanity.  humankind.  human beings. 

i still don’t understand war, though, i do admire and pray for the strength of those patriotic enough to defend the freedoms of this country.  i don’t understand hatred, yet, i have to forgive those who hate and act and speak out of hatred. it makes me a little sad that even still today, some people have to hide or feel self-conscious or wish to be something other than who they as they exist in their environment.  my son is only six years old and he already recognizes the vast difference between him and most of the enviroment in which he lives.  he has also experienced what it is like to be treated a little bit different from others around him.  it’s my job to help him navigate his way through the world in which we live…he lives.  it’s also my job to show him how to not to join the ranks of those who treat others in an in humane way.  generally speaking, i’ve learned how to contain myself quite a bit as i see and/or experience injustice.  i don’t understand much of injustice…if any at all.  but, i hope that we can act, live and be more humane to each other and more tolerable of our differences than we are ugly and cruel to each other… simply because sometimes we think we are better than the next man/woman…human.

…all this came to mind at 3:30 am after watching pbs.  ugh…i’ve gotta get more sleep.

until next time

c ya

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