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big lips and babies pt. 2… April 20, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, baby news, he said what?, hmmmmm.
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okay, so i was preparing to head out to run errands, get the car fixed, pick up a few items, place online orders, and continue the long process of spring cleaning.  these are the things on my to do list.  as i was brushing my teeth before heading out the door i flipped the t.v. to the oprah show.  lo’ and behold it was octomom!  she’s back on t.v.  anyhoo, i was very interested in seeing what ‘ol nadya suleman is up to these days (i’ve nicknamed her big lips and babies ‘cuz, well, you know…she’s got plenty-o-lips  and plenty-o-babies). 

so i took a few minutes to watch the circus that is here life.  i don’t mean that in any way that is demeaning but she even says how crazy it is.  but, i admire the fact that she still has a bit of her sanity left.  oh my gosh, 14 kids from the age of 8 and under with 6 infant/toddlers in the mix.  insert:  head spin!!!!!!! she doesn’t have a partner/husband to take some of the stress and strain that comes with parenting and relying on for simple emotional support, which is sometimes a strain for women with a partner/husband or single moms with only a small amount of kids. i say God bless this poor woman and her brood to be okay and to come out on top. 

i must say that as she was speaking she sounded as if she has taken an introspective and retrospective look at things and knows that she went into this whole situation with thinking that was unrealistic.  she also seems to not be in denial about anything (anymore), but she does seem to be fully aware of the real needs of her family and the long road ahead of her.  i. just. can. not. fathom. the. amount. of. stress.  if i could i would send help to this little village. i’m not even kidding, really, i would.  right now i can’t so, for now, i send my prayers.  i was exhausted just watching the show.

speaking of more children…

as i await the soon to come due date of my new little one, i’m in a whirlwind of emotional highs and lows and brain cell loss and all else that comes with the final countdown.  though my head is still spinning from watching the show with the “little village” that is octomom’s house, i am excited to be adding to my crew too.  bringing new life into the world is beyond amazing and it really is the chance of a lifetime.  i have my myles, my amber (in heaven) and this sweet baby coming in a few weeks.  at one of my last doc appointments the doc that i’ve known for ten years says to me, “we have your c-section scheduled and i want to know if you have considered having a tubiligation?  i just sat there.  he turned around and looked at me to see if i was awake or if i had heard the question.  i was thinking to myself, the nerve of him asking me that question.  he went on to explain to me why he was asking and that if i wanted it done it would be a good idea to do it while he’s doing the c-section.  so, in essence, that would be a tremendous high and low all in the same day.  at least for me it would be. 

that was over a week ago that he asked me that question and i still cannot wrap my brain or emotions around it.  i said to him, “but that’s so…permanent” and he said to me in a very slow answer, “yes, that is the point of it.”  he went on to explain why he mentioned it and within his response he included my age.  ugh! whaddaya mean!!! i am still hot to trot.  “really, my body can still do this, i’ve only gained 12.5 pounds in all and i can still shuck and jive with the best of them” is what i really wanted to tell him (maybe i did say that, i don’t remember).  i am still in shock…how. dare. he. ask. me. that.  the. nerve.  i say that tongue in cheek  because i really do trust his opinions or suggestion.  he is a good doc and is leaving the decision up to me.  plus, if i left it up to him, he would be slicin’ and dicin’.

do i want more babies?  hmmmmmmm

the next time he asks me to confirm whether i am going to have the surgery or not…my answer, “if you touch my tubes you die!”  teehee. just kidding, kind of. 

i wonder if other women have had this much trouble deciding on whether or not to chop the tubes, burn the ends of them or whatever it is that they do while you’re under the knife.

speaking of my doc, he’s just concerned. speaking of me, i. am. freaked. out!!!!!! i. want. my. tubes!!!! i want them even if i don’t want more children.  do i want more children? i don’t know.  i wonder if men have the same trepidation when presented with the “opportunity” to have someone introduce a surgical knife to their woohoos? 

listen up doc, i am not the octomom, i don’t have the brood that i want yet.  back off my tube, man!

until next time,

c ya…hopefully with tubes in tow

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true colors… April 6, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, hmmmmm, life, my ramblings..., open minded.
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okay, so i recently participated in something that was not by any stretch a chore for me.  it was something that i enjoy doing and comes second nature to me.  i went into this, well, let’s just call it a little venture.  if i had known what the end result was going to be i would really call it a test of who i’ve grown to be. 

i went into the “venture” with no expectations and i laid pretty low about what i knew and any experience that i possessed (not that it’s impressive at all).  anyhoo, i noticed something that was quite surprising and petty.  whispers and odd questions.  you know, the who are you and where did you come from and from where did you suddenly appear kind of questions.  i got a bit of the you don’t belong in our club kind of behavior.  i must admit, it was a bit irritating at first, but i quickly rethought my response and decided to play it laid back and cool.  this is not always the case especially because snippy, snotty and judgemental and rigid thinking people…spells U-G-L-Y.  but, there is something that i realized about people that act the way they do with that kind of behavior.  they are threatened or insecure in some way and not by me, but anything they threatens their closed minded comfort level.  it may have absolutely nothing to do with me or others that they are being ugly to, but everything to do with personal issues of their own.  insecurity can make people behave in some ridiculous ways sometimes.   *that’s a whole other blog post for another day*

but, back to the story.  so, i continued to participate in this project and i encountered some nice and simply friendly and welcoming people.  then there were the others.  they happened to notice that i caught them being U-G-L-Y.  i said nothing and remained cordial to them.  they realized they were busted and tried to play friendly.  i smiled and kept a distant friendly demeanor.  quite an improvement from what i wanted to say or do which would have been cold shoulder and put them in their place.  i can be pretty good at the latter of these two scenarios, but i’ve chosen to reign in the ‘tude a whole lot more. 

as time moved on, i stayed involved with this venture even though i really seriously wanted to be elsewhere.  so, on the very last day of this venture i was saying goodbye to some of the people and one of the U-G-L-Y people happened to be standing right there and heard our conversation.  they also heard some information that surprised them a bit.  that person stood there with their mouth gaped open and surprised…wondering why i hadn’t said anything to prove my worth before now.  hmmmmm, prove my worth? 

for me, the whole experience was a humbling one.  but what was even more humbling was being able to walk through a situation not having to prove myself when i really did have it to prove.  you see, i’ve lived a lifetime of trying to prove myself to people.  i did it to such a point that i was always on the defense to defend who i  my good will.  it was crazy.  just plain ol’ crazy i tell ya. 

the thing about life now is that i couldn’t care less what someone believes or thinks of me or what they may judge me to be or not be.  the thing about trying to prove yourself to people is that you never will.  what you end up doing is proving that you’ve given weight to their opinion and words and judgement.  my response now to what others think (most times) is “so what, who cares” and i try to prove nothing to them and just simply be who i know that i am and who i was created to be. 

so, to the end of this whole venture thingy i was involved in – i somewhat dreaded it at times because of some U-G-L-I-N-E-S-S, however, i chose not to assert my right to be just as ugly and to hang in there for the good of the what i was doing.  looking back on it, some people are petty and what i’ve noticed is that petty is soooo third grade, ya know? 

to the point of showing your true colors…

never let others drag you into their ugliness and drive you to begin to act out of character.  show your own true colors and never let your good character be tainted by judgement, lies, injustice or otherwise.  trust that it will always work out in the end…even if it doesn’t seem like it.  trust me, i’ve been there and done that…many times!

until next time,

c ya

seasons of life… February 22, 2010

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my myles and his best friend aniyah

Once upon a season…

Spring blossomed, summer beamed, fall harvested its way in and winter descended and blew in as it had never done before.  things were happening and all in life looked as though it was falling apart, never to return to a place of wholeness again.  the winter grew intense and ominous.  it felt as if danger lay in wait as the people trudged their way through the snow drifts and high winds.  however, the people kept their feet moving.  as laborious as it may have been, they never stopped moving their feet.  as this rough season of life grew more and more intense, and the winter storms grew heavier and more scary than ever before, yet and still, the people kept moving forward.   

it looked as if the intensity of the harsh wintery blizzard would bury them all.  they were never overtaken by the storms behind them and it looked as if they were walking right into more uncertain times ahead of them.  the people did not change course, nor did they fret the uncertainty ahead of them because God Is With Them…always.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

you see, these two little people pictured above, with vibrant personalities, have no idea how God’s miracle(s) are playing out in their families. they have no idea the heartaches of their families as theygrieve life’s happenings and how wondrously they will emerge into something even more fantastic, even more beautiful, even more awesome than  they or i can ever imagine.

amazingly enough, providence steps in and takes care of what is needed, when it is needed.  they have yet to go “without”.  in fact, with some creative maneuvering and turning lemons into a lemonade feast, their parents have made sure that these two little ones continue to know the joys of childhood. 

 side note: generally speaking, i do not believe in being excessive.  i’m mostly practical.  i love throwing a really fun party on a budget.  i love when my favorite foods are on sale (especially because i can be persnickity about what i buy and feed my family).  i love making the best of a good sale.  i’ve had so much fun throwing my myles’ birthday blowouts on a shoestring budget.  combining my resources and some purchased items, i’ve been able to create some very memorable times for him and his friends. sometimes people assume that i’ve spent lots of cash stuff when frankly, i just enjoy being able to “make things happen” on the cheap, just to see if i can do it.

last summer, as my family and i were in the midst of experiencing difficulties from financial to emotional to spiritual to familial to” you name it”, i was determined no to let misery rule the day.  though, it may be odd to some people, when life is tough, i somehow still have push, drive, ambition, joy somewhere inside of me that keeps me moving forward, regardless. 

so, oftentimes, i make lists of things that i want to do and last summer was no different.  as i made my page long list of summer activities, i didn’t think twice that it would not happen.  in fact, i just assumed that all would work out for just about every single item.  i knew that i would not be going to the ATLANTIS  for summer vacation.  sigh.  but nonetheless, our summer was full of of rocking good times.  and yes, i was quite proud of myself and my six-year-old myles for not giving in to the culture of “i want, i want, i want”.  hey, i’m not saying that we don’t give in to it at times, BUT, there is a major limit to it (i think:)).  anyhoo, so went the fall and winter, full of joyous occasions in the midst of life’s trials.

my point in saying all of this is that i would love for my little myles to experience life in total and utter perfection.  whatever that may mean in my opinion or conjured up imagination.  ‘cuz you know, we all have in mind what a perfect childhood would be for our kids, right?  anyhoo,  that has yet to happen…perfection, that is.  unfortunately, he does know some of life’s sadness.  he seriously misses his sister, he has seen his mom and dad at odds and he has seen his family go through financial highs and lows.  we’ve done our best to keep him shielded, but as you know, kids pick up on much more than we sometimes give them credit for. 

i know that life is going to happen and sometimes in a way that we don’t ever wish.  however, i make sure that i pray for my precious boy and pray with him.  i explain and try to drill into him that our reliance should ultimately be on God.  as i grow, it is important for me to model how to healthily navigate my way through life.  i make sure that he knows that mommy and daddy do not have a magic bank card that has no end to what it can purchase.  this last fact caused him to pray really hard one night for a “must have” train that he wanted.  not that i’m laughing at him, but that was kind of funny. it was only funny because he was in a panic realizing the bank card was not endless. but i digress…

sooooo, as we continue to move through this wintry season of life, i must say that i am seeing the miracles of God on a daily basis.  and guess what folks, the changes and miracles of life have thankfully, not been financial.  this may sound strange to some people, but when you have experienced life’s wintry storms, you become and are quite thankful that God Is With You.  especially when you know in your heart, that you’re going to come out the other side of it okay.  most times, with your feelings,  the words – “God With Us” does not seem or feel so apparent.  and yes, God does understand that we will have icky ugly feelings when life is crazy.  yet, in our heart of hearts and deep down insde, we must know that He is with us.

as we now encounter and embrace life in a new way and with new things to come, i will remember that God is With Me, no matter what or how life’s seasons come.

(pictured above) as you see these four little precious hands holding up the sign that reads, “God With Us”, little do they know that that is my prayer for them to keep those words in their hearts.  they do know that God With Us is also the meaning of one of the names of Jesus – Emmanuel.  they were in attendance at a christmas service when this picture was taken.  we attend willow creek’s christmas service every year and there is always something fun and creative and whimsical and spiritual that happens.  this past christmas’ service was no different.  and this year myles was old enough to understand some of the stories that he heard and how God was with the people throughout their situations.  one day, he’ll have his own story to tell.

these two little ones holding the sign will one day read this story and remember how they were safely carried through a very very blizzardy season of life because…God Is With Them, Always!

until next time,

c ya

i’m just saying… January 11, 2010

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so, all kinds of statements are coming out about what has been said behind closed doors and boldly enough, some statements made in public interviews.  i’ve always had a curiosity as to what is a good response for people who you like and people who supposedly like you, when they say something very off-handed about one as a person of color.

recently, we’ve heard a few statements from “friends” of president obama.  funny thing is, when speaking of the current pres.  those making statements refer to him as “this guy.”  i guess that would be much better than some other socially unacceptable term, i guess.  anyhoo, bill clinton has been quoted as saying, “a few years ago, this guy would have been getting us coffee”, harry reid has been quoted as commenting on why the pres. was/is a good candidate for pres., “light skinned” with “no negro dialect” – except, of course  when he wants it.  and of course there’s the hair rod blagojevich, who says,  “I’m blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived,” Blagojevich said. “I saw it all growing up.” 

one can read into any of what has been said and choose to be offended. is it worth it?  it’s all distractions and has the potential to keep one from being focused on what really matters.  what i have learned to do is let actions speak for who i am.  i’ve heard all types of dumb head statements in my day.  my response is much different from what it once was and those crazy  statements, comments, opinions, etc.,  just seem so laughable at times.

re:  dialect (harry reid) – whether one has a dialect of sorts or not, it has no bearing on whether the person is capable and intelligent

re:  this guys getting coffee (bill clinton) – well, quite a few years back, fetching coffee would have been one of the few options, BUT NOT ANYMORE!!! thank God, we’ve come a long way baby! because of our progression (tongue in cheek) we can choose to be someone who pours coffee or leader of the free world.  the choices we have are endless…unlike way way way way way back in the day

re:  the hair rod blagojevich’s comment – well, let’s see, i did not know that shining shoes, living in a small apartment, having a business in a black community and “having seen it all” constitutes being black.  i’ve been a brown person all my life and those factors that the hair  rod was talking about are such old stereotypes that he sounds as stupid as his hair looks.  no one, brown person or otherwise,  is ever synonymous with where they come from. or even their socioeconomic status or even their occupation.  so, as i go into my closet and shine my 3 inch stilettos while i munch on a chicken sandwich and satisfy my craving of watermelon, i will remember that in this lifetime of mine, i will “see it all” and hear it all and it won’t mean a hill of pinto beans and corn bread to me.  (yes, i laugh as i say this but i really really am craving watermelon. really)

re:  being offended – no need to be!  choose not to be!  really, there is no need to get all up in arms because it certainly can’t change the value of one as a human being.  i’m just sayin…

now i’m pretty sure that lots of other politicians, friends of the pres., friends of mine, and heck, maybe even friends of yours, may have said some off-handed things as we’ve come through this really really hot political season.  in fact, i’m surprised at quite a few things i’ve heard come out of some folks mouths, however, sometimes, stupid is as stupid says. we have all said some really stupid stuff and after it has flowed from our lips, we wish we could take back.  i’m just saying

shake down and a new perspective… April 3, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, clean thinking, growth, life, my ramblings....
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if you’ve ever experienced a shake down and your world did not quite turn out the way you planned…do you have a plan b?  these days it seems as if lots of folks are finding themselves in need of a plan b. 

 i remember when my myles started talking about his plan b, he was 3 years old at the time.  whenever he would be playing with toys or doing almost anything, he would make sure that if you came anywhere near him that you would know not to mess with his plan b.  i thought that what he was saying was really funny at the time and i didn’t think too seriously about how profound that was for a three year to even think in that way.  oh to be wise and young.  on second thought, was it just his males instincts, his creativity, the hunter, gatherer, hoarder, etc. in him.  either way, it did make me think a bit about looking beyond the now and just simply the norm.

usually when you lose it all, or lose that “great” job with a pretty healthy salary, lose that relationship that you think that your world would end without it, when you lose friendships, when you’re stuck in a dead end situation and don’t know what the heck to do next, when the plans that you set your sights on did not go quite as you desired and so on and so forth…what do you do next?

not all the time are we going to think ahead when we’re in the midst of our current blissful situation, however, anytime is an opportunity to start doing the thing you are really passionate about but didn’t do because of fear or otherwise.  big let downs can be your gateway into your new fulfilling life.  ooohhh, i think i just made up a new quote.  let me say it again, big let downs can be your gateway into your new fulfilling life.  it’s all about perspective…so get a new one (perspective that is or a new life, it kind of adds up to the same, don’t you think?).

a lot of times people will stay focused on their let down and then get stuck in a trap of not letting that mad energy fuel them into doing what they were created for.  every single one of us was created with a specific “special” thing about us and in crazy times or not-so-crazy times i say, GO FOR IT!!!

once you open up the space in your own head to do what is your internal healthy desire, you will realize a certain freedom in your life. 

so i say…take the bull by the horns, let go of your fear(s), dive in full throttle.  you just might be surprised at what you discover about yourself.  let no words from others or yourself halt your progress.  if you need a little help with that take a page and a few words from my now five year old myles…”don’t mess with my plan b”!

lethargy and a big ‘ol tushie… March 26, 2009

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okay,  so i went to my doctor’s office for girlie visit time and as i was sitting there talking with my doc i said, “i think i’m in menopause.”  silence. silence. silence.  and then he looks up at me with his glasses hanging slightly off of his nose, less than half a smirk, and then he continued writing in my file.  silence, again for a few more seconds and then a response.  “so, what makes you think this?”  he asks.  ummm, well,  my girlie time is off, i sweat like a banshee long after i take a shower and beyond and so on and so forth.”  then there is silence.  he starts writing, again.  then he looks up at me and we go through of a series of questions and answers.  so then i say to him, “well, am i? am i or am i not in menopause?”  “well”.  he says.  i don’t think so, you’re quite young for that. but…(blah, blah, blah, blah and some more stuff that i’m not sure that i was tuned in to).

don’t you just love going to the doctor and getting a “BUT” response to your question.  i wanted to say – look doc, don’t make me sweat any more than i have been lately, just give me the quick and dirty. 

so it turns out that we don’t really know what is going on with my body.  what we do know is that something something just ain’t right.   so soon i will be heading to the lab to get tests and such.

anyhoo, the doctor looks down at my file and says, “i see that you’ve gained a little  bit of weight.”  and i said, “why, yes doctor, i have gained weight”.  “do you like how it looks on me?”  “i’ve picked up these extra pounds by eating loads and loads of candy!”  he, being a doctor who is not moved to show much emotion or facial expression at all, looks at me and simply asks, “what kind of candy”?  and i said, “candy, you name it and i like it”.  “candy, candy, candy, i like it!” (score…i got a smirk out of him!)

he may not have found that completely funny but i think he actually wrote the words, candy candy candy in my file.  or was it crazy crazy crazy.  oh well, at least he knows what to get for me the next time i come into his  office because these are the kind of office visits that one should be rewarded for. ya know what i mean.  nothing big, just a little something full of refined sugar will do me just fine.  teeeheee

so, finally, i ask him…”will i be able to have more children if i’m possibly heading into menopause (i can’t get off this menopause kick because i somehow hear my clock tick tick ticking away) and what exactly does menopause mean?”

and he looks up after writing in my file and tells me that menopause means that one’s ovaries are aging and that your body is moving out of child bearing years.  he didn’t say no, or impossible, nor did he tell me that i’m actually in menopause…yet.

so here i stand…a big ‘ol hinie, sweating, overheating and hot flashes, suspicions of menopause or under active thyroid and so on and so forth. 

i am still young and i refuse to go  down for the count this early in life with things all shutting down and drying up and stuff. and if i do…it will be in a blaze of glory baby!!!

 on a brighter note and more importantly, at least i don’t have wrinkles not even the first sign of them at all! i’m just saying.:)

snips and snails and puppy dog tails… March 18, 2009

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remember this nursery rhyme…

What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy-dogs’ tails,
That’s what little boys are made of.
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice, and everything nice,
That’s what little girls are made of.

yes, i now believe that’s what little boys are made of – snips, snails and puppy dog tails.

i was walking myles (my five year old) home from school.  as the parents picked up their student and the children said good bye, myles yells out to one of the little girls – “bye, i’m gonna marry you”! i’m thinking…huh, what?  no, not yet!!! no girls!!! there will be plenty of time for that…like in 20 years when he’s all done with college or something like that.

i look at him and laugh a little.  then i gave him a second look.  i laughed again because he thought he was “big boy” cool (chasing girls and such), not even realizing he was walking around with his hat on inside out while trying to woo a woman.  

 moving along, we unlocked his bike, he hopped on and began to ride…in the mud, dirt, rocks, bugs and such.  no problem right? this is just something that little kids do.  though it’s gross, you’ve gotta let them have fun. 

on the way home he and a classmate of his played for a little bit before we head out on our journey home.  so they’re running and playing and such.  all of a sudden his little friend falls to the ground and scrapes her knee (hole in the pants and all).  like a typical kid she cries a bit and gets a hug from her mom.  normally, myles would be very concerned and give a quick comforting hug.  no. not this time. he looked at her to make sure she was okay and then when she kept whimpering a bit he picked up his rock from the ground, took off running and said, “oh please”.  where’s the compassion that he used to have?  sigh.  it’s official!  he’s got the “i don’t care” man in him. he is a boy.

and then, all the way he rode through the dirt, mud, mud, mud and more mud.

sigh.  that’s my boy and i’ve gotta get used to it.  mud, dirt, bugs, scraped up knees, ripped up pants, and that i don’t give a care attitude.

mr. alien hands

my-boy

it’s a hard knock life for us… February 12, 2009

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it’s no secret that lots of people are experiencing hardship, heartbreak, heartache or even if just for the moment…a hard knock life.  so whaddayado when the going is tough?  i hate to sound cliche, but, even through the punches, blows, tears and such, you have to move through it while you’re in it.  hear me clearly, even as you’re feeling like crap…you’ve gotta keep it moving man! how?  well, if you’re looking for a job after losing one, freshen up your resume, put on your sunday’s best and of course your good shoes and use the nervous energy that you may have to fuel your search for new opportunities.  might be easier said than done these days considering the looking is a bit harder than it used to be. 

for those of you that were probably in a not so fun situation at your job,  this may have been one of the best things to happen to you.  huh? yes, sometimes being pushed out the door really opens your eyes and pushes you to go after what you’ve been wanting to do all along.  go forth and do what fuels you and pursue what you are or once were passionate about and that you were born to do. 

can you imagine someone handing you your pink slip and saying to you – “go towards your destiny, go do what fuels you”.  i know that it does not happen quite like that.  most times when you’re being handed a pink slip the only word you may hear is “go”.  sometimes you may have a dream, vision, innovative ideas/creativity, etc. in your heart and you are discouraged by inhibiting words of others.  for this i say listen to your own voice  especially if you have a gut feeling about it

what do you like to do? what are you good at? what gets you fired up? this is no time to be scared of life and what you have to offer.

don’t ever stop holding out hope no matter what situation you may find yourself in.  though i’m not always successful at it,  i’ve continually searched for the true way of how to move through life with peace even in the midst of turmoil.  is it possible?  i’m telling you, it really is.  there is a scripture that i constantly keep in mind:  philippians 4:11 – “i am not saying this because i am in need, for i have learned to be content whatever the circumstances”  (this deserves further discussing.  in the meantime, please know that in need or in want in good or in bad…there is an inner peace that you can have)

this does not mean that you ignore your feelings.  be sure to allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling – even while you’re pushing forward with a smile or with tears.  you’re allowed to have feelings without shame and with hope.

and this is for you…just because!

his world does not revolve around me… February 4, 2009

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so, i dropped my myles off at kindergarten this morning.  as he rushed into the building, he fell.  no biggie.  he got up, stared at his hands and then continued walking slowly into the building looking at his hand.  i nearly chased after him trying to hold back tears.  there was a teacher that was going into the building that checked on him for me. 

can you believe that i almost cried over that?  i think that i was near tears because i could actually see him from a distance and i was not right there to pick him up and kiss his boo boo. sigh.  i was not the first one to reach him. i realized the influence that will enter his life will not come from my house only. i realized his world is beyond me and the relationship that we share.  sigh

although i feel like my world revolves around him…the older he gets, the more he branches out, the more relationships he develops and next year when he attends school full time – his world will not revolve around only me. sigh!

it had just dawned on me, in that moment – i will not always be there to pick him up when he falls, i will not always be there to give him what he needs, i will not always be there to kiss his boo boos. sigh

i’ve got to be weaned off gently and slowly.  these situations can’t just sneak up on me all willy nilly. i guess it’s a matter of me getting into this slowly or just being pushed out there.  i think that i’ve just been pushed!

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i better hold on tight to this sweet face…for now:)

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my big boy

yo, donkey butt, i love you anyway! January 27, 2009

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did you know that you can love a jack a–?  i knew that, but it is really hard to love someone who you think is a complete and utter jack a–.

who the heck am i?  i’m the person that calls you a donkey butt under my breath while i pray that God really helps me to show you grace.  that sounds really jacked up huh?  i know it does but i am flawed and trying to get it right. so bear with me here.

i’m working really hard to show grace, know grace and take in the total experience of grace, these days.  if you don’t know what i’m talking about, just spend a whole day showing grace to people without getting bent out of shape whether it be in traffic, at the grocery store, in the walmart or target or in the ten items or less line while the person in front of you has 25 items and you have only two items and you’re running late.   oooooh ooooooh, here’s a good one, how about spending lots of time in heavy traffic, you get cut off and the other driver gives YOU the finger while nearly wrecking your ride.  don’t you just feel like returning the finger hand of grace to them?  normally i don’t feel all that compelled to be grace filled or merciful.  then one day i realized that things were just starting to really bug me and  i found myself to be  such an irritated person…a lot. by the way, i only shared the more tame of donkey butt moves that bug me.

so the tough realizations that i came to were that 1) i am not perfect… (what?) 2) other people were not worth the creases in my face…cuz seriously, i don’t want wrinkles (i’m too cute for that) 3) i was starting to always sweat the small stuff…ugh

so, here’s the deal folks, 1) drop your expectation for people to act/be the way you want for them to be.  2) you never know what someone is going through that makes them react the way that they may be reacting 3) chill out, life is too short for the stress….just let it go 4) guess what, one day you may be the donkey butt that will need the grace…so give it if you want to get it!

just doing a little self eval, looking to improve my quality of life.  until next time…c ya!!!

we’re going to the inaugural ball… January 19, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, children, history, inauguration happenings, my ramblings..., new president.
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 yes! the 2009 inaugural ball for president obama…we’re going.

myles  is excited, i’m excited…we’re all excited! 

hmmmm…does this mean i have to wear panty hose? teehee

stay tuned for pictures from our time at the ball.  i’m so glad that he is alert and aware and excited about this really historic and important time in history for him.  it’s really fun to have a kid who is so passionate and eager to participate in what’s happening around him.

this is one time he is not going to mind dressing like steve harvey. teehee  (see post: “i’m sick of looking like an old man”)

history in the making (from kindergarten to president) November 4, 2008

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, children, history, president 2008, raising children.
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historic day for you, for me, for the whole dang country.  i will document this day in my scrapbook for a couple of different reasons. i always vote but today i voted in this, need i say it again…historic election with my myles AND i had my very first parent/teacher conference for my five year old and i did it all in the same building! 

parent/teacher conference reports for kindergarten was fairly simple.  i remember when my parents went to parent/teacher conferences when i was little.  we would be in such suspense waiting for my parents to get home from our school.  regardless of what we thought the teachers would say, for added security and insurance for ourselves, we would make sure that all chores were done and the house was in tip top shape.  we would make sure that when they walked in the door they would find nothing out of order (including us).  that’s kind of funny now to think back on those memories.  it’s like we were trying to buy ourselves out of trouble with completed chores and good behavior even if we had good reports…you know, just in case a bad report was on the way.  funny stuff.  (teehee)

imagine ME at parent/teacher conference…i’m a grown up y’all!!! (as she laughs at claiming adulthood for the first time in life)

the ’08 election time has been a riot.  we have our potential first oldest guy, our potential first brown guy and our potential first woman vp and then there’s joe the biden.  the neighbors came over and we whooped it up.  whoo whoo whooo whooo whoo.  i think it was just an excuse to make noise and experience the big event in a fun way.  kids were making lots of noise, eating junk and watching and waiting as this country realized a new something for our generation and the generations to follow us.  you notice that i said our generation?  we’re still young and  still have lots to contribute to society…ya know.

anyway, we did vote and it was kind of cool getting a chance to do it with myles in the booth with us.  he got a chance to help andre’ with his ballot and before he could help me, he was off to the potty. 

anyhoo, all of it was a blast to witness.  emotional. engaging. so on and so forth.  now the country will be going through election time withdrawal. cnn, fox, msnbc, cspan, abc, nbc, cbs will all be taking a pause in my house to allow time for the withdrawal process.

note:  excuse the mixed past and present tenses in this post.  i started writing this before election night and wrote some more of it after election night.  i’m sure you followed it fine…right? also, some of the following photos indicate that i need a new camera.  if i make that my one and only christmas wish item…maybe i’ll get a really good one with all the bells and whistles (hint to the family)

shots from the night…

me and myles after voting

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daddy and myles after voting (no, i don’t really call him daddy:)

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he voted for thomas the tank engine (teehee)

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checking the stats state by state

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a lady never tells 🙂 all you need to know is that i voted right?

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for sure he is going to be our new president!… November 3, 2008

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, my ramblings..., our new president in 2008, voting.
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                                  him?                          or                  him?

yes, the winner is him.  you know him. the guy claiming to not give us another 8 years. the guy claiming that he is not like that other guy, you know the other guy…the one currently in office.  the guy that says he is going to pull us out of this bad economy. the one who is going to do something about the direction this war is heading into or not.  the one that says he can reach across the aisle.  the one who says that he cares about everyday citizens. the one who says that he picked his running mate because his running mate has got the “stuff” to help him lead this country.  the one who says that we are going to turn this country around.  the one who has attracted all kinds of people to his rallies for various reasons.  the one who has convinced you to “vote for me“.  he is the one the people will have elected come tomorrow night (unless it runs over…again).  it better not run over this time cuz  people are ready to party!!! whoo whoo!!! i think people are going to party anyway even if their candidate does not win. ya know.  people are ready for this to be ova!!! (as she laughs).  so we will all be cheering or disappointed to find out that he and he are president and vp or he and she are president and vp. 

this was a historic election process.  it was actually kind of fun in a weird sord of all riled up and heated up debate kind of way. 

did anyone get the sense that we all got a chance to see and hear some deeply hidden, i never meant to say that out loud kind of, ooooooooooh i may actually be a bit judgemental kind of, whoa where did those words come from kind of, i’m not as apathetic and couldn’t care less as i may have projected all these years kind of a person. 

strangely enough, all this hullabaloo was actually good for our country for a few different reasons.  this election process has stirred up conversations that needed to come up a long long time ago.  now we all get to deal with some long ago emotional baggage.  yo people, open up that closet and let the emotional baggage fall on out.  fortunately it opened up some minds and expanded some relationships.  unfortunately, it strained some others.  however,  i hope that the strain that it has caused on some folks will provoke them to deal with some things.  so i sit here for a second laughing because the song that just came to mind was that old michael jackson and other artists song, remember it …”heal the world”.  okay, the song itself was corny as all get out but for some reason i thought of it.  not a fan of the song but hey, i’m just saying. listen to the song.  it’ll either may make you cry or think a little deeper about  something other than yourself, myself, him, her, pres., vp, pant suits, hair bun hair-do, brown man, old man, democrat, republican, right, left, independent, whatever.  it’ll give you a bit of a break from all the political tension and perhaps you can think human for a moment.

in four years, we’re going to see another level to the whole election process.  better voting machines…i hope.  good grief, it is the 21st century.  i sooooo bet that there will be at least three women in the initial process (primaries) running for commander and chief.  what!?! that would be like so 21st century people. 

you guys know that the polls are, well, ummm what the hay what is the point of them…the polls that is.  we keep hearing all the poll projections and who is up in what state by whatever percentage points and such.  come on.  the most important poll is on election day when we all get our butts in a voting booth.  is money being spent on the extreme amount of polls being taken? for real? that much money huh? perhaps i don’t understand why and what they (polls) are useful for because anything can happen far different from the polls, but hey, i’m just saying.

so, yeah, i’m going to vote for him.  he might win.  but then again he night not.  who knows. 

exciting stuff people!

whew! 5th birthday mylestone…check July 23, 2008

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, children, my baby. my boyl my joy, my ramblings..., raising children.
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this little sweet face boy is growing up very fast…gotta run so that i can get some qt time with him:)

we can check it off the list. my little boobear is five, his party is over and i can seriously try to get over the fact that life is moving full speed ahead. 

i did the carnival theme and it was really fun.  i don’t know howi don’t like to do kids only birthday parties because i relish in having bunches of friends and family around.  my son gets to know what it’s like to love family and to look forward to and cherish the time that he gets to be with them (family and friends that is) .  call me crazy cuz i know that i am, but i really like crazy fun parties with bunches of people.  growing up, parties with all of our extended family and such in attendance were usually more quiet affairs.  my husband likes quaint and cozy.  so, to my husband…your baby boy and i are sayying THANKS for indulging us and helping to make the carnival fun happen!!! 

we had a carnival theme, and i do declare that it was the most fun and easiest party to plan.  just rally a few friends to help with entertainment, round up the toys that all of us know we have too many of and bakebuy some cute cupcakes and colorful balloons and streamers and you’ve got yourself a partay! okay so a few more details are missing such as the concession people (popcorn and drinks). oh yeah, the people who kept me moving things along.  

after the party was over, the three of us (andre’, myles and i) cleaned and opened presents and videotaped myles talking about what he thought of his party.  the thing that he said made us both realize whether or not his grandnana could be here all the way from texas, he spoke the most meaningful message to her. please note, it was not the presents, it was not the sweet treats or all the fun he had but he spoke so sentimentally about his grandnana.

us: (camera lens aimed at myles)  myles, what  do you want to say about today, your party and stuff?

myles: umm, i just want to say that i’m sorry grandnana that you couldn’t be here. i wish that you could be here. i miss you so much and i want you to come to my house.  i wish you weren’t all the way in texas so that you could be here with me. i love you sooo much. bye. peace out.

us: (paused camera) looked at each other and had no words. 

andre: mouthed the words wow!

me: let’s call her.

because we as parents are with our kids day in and day out, i dont’ think we ever really realize the importance of having others (friends, aunts, uncles, g-mas, g-pas, surrogate family and special friends and such in the life of our children.  they remember people and how those special people make them feel no matter the amount of time they may get to see these people.  i will not forget that he loves his nana and he loves his grandnana very much and whether or not they are related biologically, they are definitely bonded by love.

so, anyway, we had a long day filled with fun and love.  i will defintiely consider doing the carnival thing again and i am grateful for the friends and family that were able to come and those that wish that they could have been there but were committed otherwise. lots of love

peace 2 ya

ch-ch-ch-changes… June 25, 2008

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long time no writing here.  i’m back and lots of changes happening.  today is my burfday!!! and today is my last day to be in a staff meeting with these folks  .  i’m changing lots of things, 1) i can actually say my age out loud…(i’m assuming that i don’t look quite my age).  i see no signs of crows feet, wrinkles or creases. yay!!! 2) i’m stepping down from my position as worship arts director at church and it’s been a wild ride.  3) my little boobear is turning 5 soon! i did not realize 5 was such a big birthday until we got to the 30 day countdown.  i feel like i’m scrambling to hang on to my little baby boy as he turns into a full out testosterone filled 24/7 ball of energy big boy. 

nevertheless, this time in life will be no more than another wild ride.  i’m looking forward to whatever this interesting life has to offer…again. 

it’s been an interesting day thus far.  i’m a pretty intuitive person and all the things that i’m feeling, noticing, witnessing and that God is showing me….i’m growing more to accept people for who they are and dismiss things that i can’t control about life, other people or me.  i would say that i can sum up these past two years as growth that sometimes even surprises me. yay!!!

anyhoo, my tummy is a little achy from burfday cake…but it was really good cake.  i’m gonna call it a night with an ice cold tall one of  my favorites…sobe green tea (cuz i live a hard life…teehee) and chill.

 as i look at the time on my post it says 1:07 am.  yeah, i don’t think so.  i’ve gotta fix that. does anyone know how?