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true colors… April 6, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, hmmmmm, life, my ramblings..., open minded.
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okay, so i recently participated in something that was not by any stretch a chore for me.  it was something that i enjoy doing and comes second nature to me.  i went into this, well, let’s just call it a little venture.  if i had known what the end result was going to be i would really call it a test of who i’ve grown to be. 

i went into the “venture” with no expectations and i laid pretty low about what i knew and any experience that i possessed (not that it’s impressive at all).  anyhoo, i noticed something that was quite surprising and petty.  whispers and odd questions.  you know, the who are you and where did you come from and from where did you suddenly appear kind of questions.  i got a bit of the you don’t belong in our club kind of behavior.  i must admit, it was a bit irritating at first, but i quickly rethought my response and decided to play it laid back and cool.  this is not always the case especially because snippy, snotty and judgemental and rigid thinking people…spells U-G-L-Y.  but, there is something that i realized about people that act the way they do with that kind of behavior.  they are threatened or insecure in some way and not by me, but anything they threatens their closed minded comfort level.  it may have absolutely nothing to do with me or others that they are being ugly to, but everything to do with personal issues of their own.  insecurity can make people behave in some ridiculous ways sometimes.   *that’s a whole other blog post for another day*

but, back to the story.  so, i continued to participate in this project and i encountered some nice and simply friendly and welcoming people.  then there were the others.  they happened to notice that i caught them being U-G-L-Y.  i said nothing and remained cordial to them.  they realized they were busted and tried to play friendly.  i smiled and kept a distant friendly demeanor.  quite an improvement from what i wanted to say or do which would have been cold shoulder and put them in their place.  i can be pretty good at the latter of these two scenarios, but i’ve chosen to reign in the ‘tude a whole lot more. 

as time moved on, i stayed involved with this venture even though i really seriously wanted to be elsewhere.  so, on the very last day of this venture i was saying goodbye to some of the people and one of the U-G-L-Y people happened to be standing right there and heard our conversation.  they also heard some information that surprised them a bit.  that person stood there with their mouth gaped open and surprised…wondering why i hadn’t said anything to prove my worth before now.  hmmmmm, prove my worth? 

for me, the whole experience was a humbling one.  but what was even more humbling was being able to walk through a situation not having to prove myself when i really did have it to prove.  you see, i’ve lived a lifetime of trying to prove myself to people.  i did it to such a point that i was always on the defense to defend who i  my good will.  it was crazy.  just plain ol’ crazy i tell ya. 

the thing about life now is that i couldn’t care less what someone believes or thinks of me or what they may judge me to be or not be.  the thing about trying to prove yourself to people is that you never will.  what you end up doing is proving that you’ve given weight to their opinion and words and judgement.  my response now to what others think (most times) is “so what, who cares” and i try to prove nothing to them and just simply be who i know that i am and who i was created to be. 

so, to the end of this whole venture thingy i was involved in – i somewhat dreaded it at times because of some U-G-L-I-N-E-S-S, however, i chose not to assert my right to be just as ugly and to hang in there for the good of the what i was doing.  looking back on it, some people are petty and what i’ve noticed is that petty is soooo third grade, ya know? 

to the point of showing your true colors…

never let others drag you into their ugliness and drive you to begin to act out of character.  show your own true colors and never let your good character be tainted by judgement, lies, injustice or otherwise.  trust that it will always work out in the end…even if it doesn’t seem like it.  trust me, i’ve been there and done that…many times!

until next time,

c ya

not a whole lotta words right now… March 13, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in life.
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life with me is never dull.  always interesting and often with hills to climb.  fortunately for me, i like rock climbing.  really, i do!  but, let’s just say that there are days that the ummmm, well, let’s call them “adventures” of life, are a bit much.  again, fortunately for me, i like a good adventure.  i say that with no sarcasm at all.  i just simply say that with determination to always learn always seek an understanding as to what i’m being shown and how i can grow from any of the happenings of life. 

i remember when i was a little younger and less mature, i wouldn’t really ride the wave and seek for understanding on how to better deal with life.  well folks, life really is all what you make of it.  “survival of the fittest” is a must.  and when you find yourself going through hell, keep going! – winston churchill

as my life has often followed a pattern of highs and lows, goods and bads, happys and sads, miraculous and unbelievably yuck…simultaneously, i can trust myself and more importantly God, to navigate through all joys and pains together.  and right now, the blows, lows and highs are all coming at once.  BUT, I. CAN. DO. THIS!

my post was titled “not a whole lotta words right now”…well, you know that everything is relative.  and relative to how much i normally talk, these are few words.  the following two videos are worth listening to, at least for me right about now.  outside of pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, i don’t want to talk much…just listen.

be encouraged on your life’s journey.

my baby is super cute… February 5, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in baby news, growth, life, new baby stuff.
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this is not a 3-d image, but i can totally see some very familiar features.  maybe it’s just me but i bet he or she will look like myles!  this. is. an. amazing. picture!!! (if you can’t tell already, i’m easily amused and impressed)

my sweet baby at 24 weeks...

okay, so, i went for another ultrasound and all is well!!! yay!!!

baby is growing nicely and all organs and features and stuff all look really good!

i’m up 12 pounds and am six months along.  wait, rewind, did i just say 12 pounds!!!  anyhoo, i’ve been told by the docs that i’m on track and things look good.  these are the only 12 pounds that i have ever enjoyed and flaunted. 

the movement checks that i have to do can sometimes be a bit nerve wracking!!! mostly because i am thinking about it around the clock…literally.  that’s not how the doc told me to do movement checks, but that’s just where i am with all of this.

i’m having fun being pregnant and myles is making sure that he takes great care of me.  sweet sigh.  what a precious boy he is. 

as the due date time draws closer, i’m trying to soak it all in.  i would love to have five, yes, five children.  but, the time is also drawing near on these here eggs of mine.  so, i may not make it to five children that i, myself, give birth to, but i will enjoy the dickens out of the ones God blesses me with.   can’t wait to smell sweet baby skin!!!

anyhoo, gotta go…my avocados and tomatoes are calling my name.  by the way, now that i cannot have caffeine, i am sooooo craving a really large coke with ice.  yummmmmm.

happy new year!!! December 30, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in coming back..., life, new year!.
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okay, so in a couple of days it will actually be the new year, but i will be busy so i’m wishing you a year filled with great and fantastic days.  

oftentimes, after… how do i say this, an “interesting” year, people tend to say that they cannot wait until the current year is over so that so that they can get a fresh start and such. 

well, i have experienced a very “interesting” year, and I must say that i, for one, am very glad that this year was filled with “interesting”.  i have found that no matter what comes your way, there is strength from God that can be called upon to carry you. 

i’m looking forward to many more days of conquering challenges.  however, my expectations and focus will be on that which brings about life giving energy.  i really must say that i would have had very different thoughts about this past year, but, being true to myself  and changes made have caused peace and freedom to ring loudly. 

aaaahhhhhh!!! that’s the sound of me living life without worrying about what others think of me, not trying to please others, not taking on the blame for things that i know i’m not responsible for and taking full responsibility for ONLY that which i am responsible. sound simple?  but if you’ve ever lived your life taking on the shtuff people say and the taking on things that aren’t yours that others have done…geesh, i’m sure you’re more than aware that that’s more baggage than the any one person should ever carry.  i will be doing my absolute best to live a life that God deems and redeems.  and that’s the sound of freeeeeeedom!!! 

so, here’s the deal

1) live life in truth

2) no matter how loud you shout or how mad you get, when you display your emotions and show how angry you are…you lose.  that sucks but it is true.  even if you are telling the truth, saying it loud and louder and getting indignant is not going to get your point across any better.  this took some practice for me. teehee.  apparently, showing your fired up emotions makes people think that you are guilty, crazy:) or that you have something to hide.  showing your emotions doesn’t mean that you are guilty, are crazy, or have anyting to hide, it just means that you need to calm yourself down so you can handle situations with a level head.  bah hahahahahaha (that’s the sound of me laughing at myself with a level head when i feel super fired up about a something…i really can do it! really:)!

3) live your life like it’s golden!!! do i really need to explain this one.  how about i give you this little tune and you take it from there. 

(now that you’re in a jill scott kind of mood…check out her music cuz she is the shtuff that singers are made of!!!)

4) be sure to live your life to the fullest.  be creative and make the most of any and all opportunities that you’re blessed with. 

5) learn from your mistakes and don’t beat yourself up about things that you cannot control.  when you learn from your mistakes, do different. do better!

6) don’t allow the opinions of others to take the wind out of your sails.  be bold!!!

anyhoo, i’ve gotta go.  i’ve got stuff to do. so carry on and make it a great year!!!

summertime is up…reality is back in full swing August 31, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in coming back..., life, my baby. my boyl my joy, my ramblings....
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i’m baaaaaack!!!  yay for a really fun summer.  now if i can just get at least one more very warm day at the beach then and only then will i be okay to wait ’til summer comes back around…in 2010! 

speaking of summer fun and back to school…

 back to school

i am now the proud mommy of a full-time first grade student!  i made it through the first day of school with no tears and holding my breath.  my myles was pretty brave for his first full day, not as excited as i thought he’d be and by the end of the school day he simply informed me that he was not going to be returning to school the next day.  and for the three days that followed he informed me that going back to school was not an option.  so i’d say that he handled his first week well *wink*.  i would be more than thrilled to guide his education and have him hang out with me all day, however, it’s time for my little bird to spread his wings a bit. sniff sniff.  i must admit, i was so wrapped up in summertime stuff that first grade came upon me and shocked me back into reality.

i’ve had many people say to me “so what are you going to do with all of your free time without myles?” wait, huh, free time?  come again.  who is handing out free time and not telling me?  correct me if i wrong, but, most moms who are at home generally don’t have a ton of free time to speak of.  and if there is an at home mom that does have six plus hours of free time on her hands because her kids are in school…please, by all means, give me a holla!:)  let this girlie know your secret.

so, as i sit around *ahem* in all of my glorious free time, a pile of shtuff that calls for my immediate attention stares me in the face , a list of calls NEED to be made and a few errands need to be run.  or i can cheat and choose option B and reward myself with a bit of  a 30 minute cat nap.  all moms for the latter raise you hand…me! i hope all of you moms squeezed every bit of summer out of june, july and august that you could because summer lovn’ is over now.    one last thing about this summer – with budget constraints and the layoffs that we have experienced, i vote myself for the supermom who turned the summer of ’09 into a summer to be reckoned with!!!  talk about a mom who made and can make plenty-o-fun things happen on the cheap, yep, that’s me.  can you tell how proud i am?  teehee:)   oh cut it out, no need to applause:)  teehee

speaking of life in all it’s ummmm… glory

when i say that this has been one of the most fun, power packed, emotionally exhausting, eye opening, God challenged summers of all times…i’m hardly scratching the surface in my expression of how things were/are.  for three years and nine months i had been dreading a moment that i thought i could prevent from ever coming.  BAM! it came, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  the weight was so heavy i felt as if i could not breath and yet somehow i could and did breath.  lots of personal gains and lots of personal losses.  lots of moments that i will cherish forever.  and lots of moments that i choose to cast into a lake of fire forgive.  there were lots of “can you hear me God Almighty up there, out there, anywhere”.  there were even some smite me almighty smiter moments.  i actually dared Him, you know, the ALMIGHTY, ALL KNOWING, LORD OF ALL, KING OF KINGS, SOVEREIGN GOD to get busy because what was going on was not working…or so i thought.  as i know by now, what happens in our little feeble minds is no match for he who reigns and redeems. ya know!

lessons we should all learn:  not many chose to see the life of another person through the other person’s eyes.  most people chose to see the life of another person through whatever way they think things are or should be.  i once heard a quote or something that said – never believe everything you hear and only half of what you see.  SO TRUE!!! SO TRUE!!!  so the next time you or I look at someone’s supposedly happy and charmed existence, you must know that there is a story behind every closed door; behind every smile; behind every crabby mood; behind every zoned out mom or dad;and behind every family.  so be very careful what you judge, cast stones at, shake your head or wag your finger at.  another very important thing to remember…”God can take care of what others do to us far better than we can” –  says cicely tyson’s character from the movie “diary of a mad black woman”.  and for those that need the matching scripture…vengence is mine says the Lord.  plus, HE can do it with quite a bit more grace than any of us. 

most folks would love to live a life that is as perfect as perfect can get, however, how many people would eagerly and anxiously want to live a life that has been redeemed?   warning:  when God redeems your life you’re usually tried, tested and  brought  dragged through the fire.  sounds like fun, huh?  somehow at the end of your experience(s) it is well worth it.  or so i’m told:0)

so here i go, praying myself through my days, putting one foot in front of the other and choosing to know above anything else that providence IS on my side.

until next time, c ya

shake down and a new perspective… April 3, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, clean thinking, growth, life, my ramblings....
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if you’ve ever experienced a shake down and your world did not quite turn out the way you planned…do you have a plan b?  these days it seems as if lots of folks are finding themselves in need of a plan b. 

 i remember when my myles started talking about his plan b, he was 3 years old at the time.  whenever he would be playing with toys or doing almost anything, he would make sure that if you came anywhere near him that you would know not to mess with his plan b.  i thought that what he was saying was really funny at the time and i didn’t think too seriously about how profound that was for a three year to even think in that way.  oh to be wise and young.  on second thought, was it just his males instincts, his creativity, the hunter, gatherer, hoarder, etc. in him.  either way, it did make me think a bit about looking beyond the now and just simply the norm.

usually when you lose it all, or lose that “great” job with a pretty healthy salary, lose that relationship that you think that your world would end without it, when you lose friendships, when you’re stuck in a dead end situation and don’t know what the heck to do next, when the plans that you set your sights on did not go quite as you desired and so on and so forth…what do you do next?

not all the time are we going to think ahead when we’re in the midst of our current blissful situation, however, anytime is an opportunity to start doing the thing you are really passionate about but didn’t do because of fear or otherwise.  big let downs can be your gateway into your new fulfilling life.  ooohhh, i think i just made up a new quote.  let me say it again, big let downs can be your gateway into your new fulfilling life.  it’s all about perspective…so get a new one (perspective that is or a new life, it kind of adds up to the same, don’t you think?).

a lot of times people will stay focused on their let down and then get stuck in a trap of not letting that mad energy fuel them into doing what they were created for.  every single one of us was created with a specific “special” thing about us and in crazy times or not-so-crazy times i say, GO FOR IT!!!

once you open up the space in your own head to do what is your internal healthy desire, you will realize a certain freedom in your life. 

so i say…take the bull by the horns, let go of your fear(s), dive in full throttle.  you just might be surprised at what you discover about yourself.  let no words from others or yourself halt your progress.  if you need a little help with that take a page and a few words from my now five year old myles…”don’t mess with my plan b”!

this is why i’m hot February 9, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in 1, all about me, hmmmmm, life, me.
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i know for sure that i am waaaaay too young for menopause.  no kidding, i am.  but i promise you that i have experienced several hot flashes.  at first i thought that it was because i had gone for a good run and i was experiencing afterburn (you know, how your body still burns off calories after the run is over…supposedly).  well, i had a moment (or two or three) of over-heating and sweating when i had not even gone for a run.  that was disturbing to say the least. 

aaaaagggghhhh!!! things are happening to my body that i can’t quite explain.  WHAT THE HECK! if i start getting wrinkles and gray hair – measures will be taken.  i only need one issue at a time.  no need for things to be dropping down to my waist.  no need for divets to start forming on my body.  no need for hair to start growing in places it need not be.  no need for creases to start forming.  no need for such intense hot flashes that all of your make-up sweats off. no need for fluctuating mood swings.  not all of this has happened yet, but really there is no need.  THERE’S NO NEED FOR ANY OF THIS.  I AM WAAAAYYY TOO YOUNG!!!

this is my stop the madness campaign.  DEAR GOD, CAN YOU HEAR ME? MENOPAUSE MUST BE STOPPED…PLEASE!

his world does not revolve around me… February 4, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, children, growth, life, mommies, my baby. my boyl my joy.
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so, i dropped my myles off at kindergarten this morning.  as he rushed into the building, he fell.  no biggie.  he got up, stared at his hands and then continued walking slowly into the building looking at his hand.  i nearly chased after him trying to hold back tears.  there was a teacher that was going into the building that checked on him for me. 

can you believe that i almost cried over that?  i think that i was near tears because i could actually see him from a distance and i was not right there to pick him up and kiss his boo boo. sigh.  i was not the first one to reach him. i realized the influence that will enter his life will not come from my house only. i realized his world is beyond me and the relationship that we share.  sigh

although i feel like my world revolves around him…the older he gets, the more he branches out, the more relationships he develops and next year when he attends school full time – his world will not revolve around only me. sigh!

it had just dawned on me, in that moment – i will not always be there to pick him up when he falls, i will not always be there to give him what he needs, i will not always be there to kiss his boo boos. sigh

i’ve got to be weaned off gently and slowly.  these situations can’t just sneak up on me all willy nilly. i guess it’s a matter of me getting into this slowly or just being pushed out there.  i think that i’ve just been pushed!

fall-pics-005

i better hold on tight to this sweet face…for now:)

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my big boy

yo, donkey butt, i love you anyway! January 27, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, growth, i'm just sayin', life.
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did you know that you can love a jack a–?  i knew that, but it is really hard to love someone who you think is a complete and utter jack a–.

who the heck am i?  i’m the person that calls you a donkey butt under my breath while i pray that God really helps me to show you grace.  that sounds really jacked up huh?  i know it does but i am flawed and trying to get it right. so bear with me here.

i’m working really hard to show grace, know grace and take in the total experience of grace, these days.  if you don’t know what i’m talking about, just spend a whole day showing grace to people without getting bent out of shape whether it be in traffic, at the grocery store, in the walmart or target or in the ten items or less line while the person in front of you has 25 items and you have only two items and you’re running late.   oooooh ooooooh, here’s a good one, how about spending lots of time in heavy traffic, you get cut off and the other driver gives YOU the finger while nearly wrecking your ride.  don’t you just feel like returning the finger hand of grace to them?  normally i don’t feel all that compelled to be grace filled or merciful.  then one day i realized that things were just starting to really bug me and  i found myself to be  such an irritated person…a lot. by the way, i only shared the more tame of donkey butt moves that bug me.

so the tough realizations that i came to were that 1) i am not perfect… (what?) 2) other people were not worth the creases in my face…cuz seriously, i don’t want wrinkles (i’m too cute for that) 3) i was starting to always sweat the small stuff…ugh

so, here’s the deal folks, 1) drop your expectation for people to act/be the way you want for them to be.  2) you never know what someone is going through that makes them react the way that they may be reacting 3) chill out, life is too short for the stress….just let it go 4) guess what, one day you may be the donkey butt that will need the grace…so give it if you want to get it!

just doing a little self eval, looking to improve my quality of life.  until next time…c ya!!!

yep, i can really appreciate that… January 19, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in 1, growth, hmmmmm, life, what the heck.
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just some curious thoughts of mine before i celebrate tomorrow.

perhaps i’m a little confused, but what is the issue with a few folks i know and then some that i don’t know all of a sudden living in fear of their life and thinking that it’s the end times because barack obama will be in the white house.  thank god i don’t pledge allegiance to one party or the other.  i’ve heard and seen some pretty disappointing stuff come out of people simply to uphold their ‘party’s” views. 

i’m not sure what to think, but, a surprising amount of my christian ummmmm, friends, are spewing hate because of this.  i have been surprised by stuff before, but what i’ve been witness to has been, ummmm, it has been ummmmm…crappy, to say the least.  i must admit that i was a bit heated by it, at first.  now, i think i have an idea of why there had to be an “i have a dream”.    

regarding obama, i don’t agree with everything, every policy, every decision nor do i agree with every action.  but, i can certainly appreciate a change.  and it’s not simply because he is our first brown president.  this is historical, exciting and i and my family can truly appreciate some pretty significant meaning in all of this. you’ve gotta be a pretty closed off person to not have just a a bit of hope for a bit of movement within this country.  oh well. 

i can appreciate celebrating how far this country has come…thus far.  and yes, we can stand to go quite a bit further. 

i use to almost feel self conscious of speaking on this topic at all.  i was a little self-conscious of how someone would interpret my words. now i don’t care mind. teehee.  it was almost like i should be ashamed of simply expressing my view point.  but, i have come to realize that i can express my views and not be angry.  i can agree or disagree and still be okay with another person.  i have just sat back and realized that if you let people talk long enough they will reveal a few things about themselves and their thoughts.  and no, you won’t ever really need to qualify the junk they say with a response (sometimes most times).

i can appreciate people of all races cheering on a man whose heritage use to be considered three-fifths a person.  true history.

i can appreciate how history is changing. not because of color. i think that it’s changing because of love.

i can appreciate my little five year old who can get along in any environment and happy to be with you just because you’re a person.

i can appreciate my little five year old who is very proud to be brown and very excited when he sees one on the television or comes into contact with another brown face.  he doesn’t see many that often, but he certainly gets happy and proud when he does. 

i appreciate renewed energy, passion. let’s pray that truth and love and honesty and humanity and righteousness and equality and balance and restoration and such happens over these next four years and beyond. 

i can appreciate that each president has brought something to the table.  some have brought a little bit under the table while bringing something to the table.  🙂

i can appreciate that i can’t do the job and  won’t act like the world is coming to an end because i don’t agree.

i can appreciate that God is the one in charge and we can live how he wants for us to.

i can appreciate living in faith and not fear.

i can appreciate living in a country where there is freedom.

i can appreciate more change and growth happening for this country.

i can appreciate understanding  or enlightenment.

i can appreciate living to love.

i can appreciate forgiving and moving on.

i can appreciate growth.

i can appreciate life in a whole new way.  not because of the election but because of my life’s experiences…it’s a must that i appreciate the experiences of life (doesn’t mean i have to always like it though). smile