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spontaneous moments before the calculated countdown… May 9, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in baby news, my ramblings..., the purple flowers.
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okay, so myles had a photo session with a great photographer the other day.  it was such an easy breezy session.  myles was chilled out and in a comfort zone and she was so cool.

unbeknownst to julie, the surprise for me was that the photos ended up being taken by “the purple flowers”.  i have been pulling the car over everywhere to take pics by “the purple flowers”.  you see, this time every year, there are these purple flowers that bloom on the side of roads and freeways everywhere and they catch my attention.  if i can, i pull over to get a picture of them or with them.  this year was no different except for the fact that there was no good place to pull over.  there were going to be no pictures taken with “the purple flowers” this year…or so i thought.

julie the photographer that took pictures of myles had a plan A for pictures with myles but that quickly changed and plan B came into play.  what joy for me when plan B was right in the heart of a bunch of “the purple flowers”.  yay julie and yay for me.

even though i had no plans of being included in any snap shots that day, i could not resist.  i was sleepy.  i was tired.  i was ready to go home and take a quick rest before the fast approaching delivery date of the new baby.  “the purple flowers” help take the sting out of my to do lists.

i absolutely love candid pictures and those taken in nature settings.  so, as soon as we said good-bye to julie we ran a quick errand and returned right back to the spot that was calling my name.  i pulled out my trusty phone (yes, i said phone not camera:)) and FINALLY…i got my pictures by “the purple flowers”.    very precious and brief spontaneous moments with much thanks to my personal photographer…andre’. 

obviously, a photographer…i am not! but just for my records, these amateur shots will do for me.  these are some of my final spontaneous moments before the very nearing countdown to baby’s arrival.  and yes, i am calculating every minute i have left.  i need more time!!!

by the way, i have no idea the official name of “the purple flowers”

awww sweet?...he was trying to get a yes answer for some candy!

the negotiation...

negotiation settled. i got flowers. he got candy. see the smirk on his face.

chatting with my favorite boy...as always

myles talking to my belly and warning the baby about "the purple flowers"

the color purple - back to my roots hair and all 🙂 teehee

a picture of me six years ago chasing purple flowers while pregnant with my myles

until next time

c, ya…by the way folks, the countdown is really on.  this is the final week!

sleeping cutie… April 7, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in my boy, my joy!, my ramblings....
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okay, so it was 4:3oish a.m. and andre’s alarm sounded off (beep, beep, beep, beep).  anyhoo, myles had come in to snuggle with me but had pretty much fallen back asleep.  as the alarm goes off and without even moving or opening his eyes myles says, “good morning dad” and then he continued to sleep.  it was cute and funny how he did that.  and i know that he was really sleeping because the very moment after he said those words…he was snoring. 

i know that was pretty random but it was toooo cute.  had to share. these days, everything is super sentimental to me…i blame it on being pregnant.  teehee

true colors… April 6, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, hmmmmm, life, my ramblings..., open minded.
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okay, so i recently participated in something that was not by any stretch a chore for me.  it was something that i enjoy doing and comes second nature to me.  i went into this, well, let’s just call it a little venture.  if i had known what the end result was going to be i would really call it a test of who i’ve grown to be. 

i went into the “venture” with no expectations and i laid pretty low about what i knew and any experience that i possessed (not that it’s impressive at all).  anyhoo, i noticed something that was quite surprising and petty.  whispers and odd questions.  you know, the who are you and where did you come from and from where did you suddenly appear kind of questions.  i got a bit of the you don’t belong in our club kind of behavior.  i must admit, it was a bit irritating at first, but i quickly rethought my response and decided to play it laid back and cool.  this is not always the case especially because snippy, snotty and judgemental and rigid thinking people…spells U-G-L-Y.  but, there is something that i realized about people that act the way they do with that kind of behavior.  they are threatened or insecure in some way and not by me, but anything they threatens their closed minded comfort level.  it may have absolutely nothing to do with me or others that they are being ugly to, but everything to do with personal issues of their own.  insecurity can make people behave in some ridiculous ways sometimes.   *that’s a whole other blog post for another day*

but, back to the story.  so, i continued to participate in this project and i encountered some nice and simply friendly and welcoming people.  then there were the others.  they happened to notice that i caught them being U-G-L-Y.  i said nothing and remained cordial to them.  they realized they were busted and tried to play friendly.  i smiled and kept a distant friendly demeanor.  quite an improvement from what i wanted to say or do which would have been cold shoulder and put them in their place.  i can be pretty good at the latter of these two scenarios, but i’ve chosen to reign in the ‘tude a whole lot more. 

as time moved on, i stayed involved with this venture even though i really seriously wanted to be elsewhere.  so, on the very last day of this venture i was saying goodbye to some of the people and one of the U-G-L-Y people happened to be standing right there and heard our conversation.  they also heard some information that surprised them a bit.  that person stood there with their mouth gaped open and surprised…wondering why i hadn’t said anything to prove my worth before now.  hmmmmm, prove my worth? 

for me, the whole experience was a humbling one.  but what was even more humbling was being able to walk through a situation not having to prove myself when i really did have it to prove.  you see, i’ve lived a lifetime of trying to prove myself to people.  i did it to such a point that i was always on the defense to defend who i  my good will.  it was crazy.  just plain ol’ crazy i tell ya. 

the thing about life now is that i couldn’t care less what someone believes or thinks of me or what they may judge me to be or not be.  the thing about trying to prove yourself to people is that you never will.  what you end up doing is proving that you’ve given weight to their opinion and words and judgement.  my response now to what others think (most times) is “so what, who cares” and i try to prove nothing to them and just simply be who i know that i am and who i was created to be. 

so, to the end of this whole venture thingy i was involved in – i somewhat dreaded it at times because of some U-G-L-I-N-E-S-S, however, i chose not to assert my right to be just as ugly and to hang in there for the good of the what i was doing.  looking back on it, some people are petty and what i’ve noticed is that petty is soooo third grade, ya know? 

to the point of showing your true colors…

never let others drag you into their ugliness and drive you to begin to act out of character.  show your own true colors and never let your good character be tainted by judgement, lies, injustice or otherwise.  trust that it will always work out in the end…even if it doesn’t seem like it.  trust me, i’ve been there and done that…many times!

until next time,

c ya

lies, lies, lies… (forgiveness, pt. 1) March 1, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in growth, my ramblings..., raising children.
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can you imagine lying so much that you no longer know the truth from a lie.  it is a delusional life.  it is the worst way to live.  simply because – it will catch up with you. 

lying is devastating and disgusting to be around. 

lying destroys relationships.

lying destroys your relationship with God.

lying does not let you see the real you.

lying does not let other people see the real you.

lying diminishes who you are.

lying keeps everyone you know and come in contact with at a distance (emotionally).

lying keeps everyone you know and come in contact with at a distance (physically).

lying creates a pretend world that no one wants to live in with you.

lying catches up with you even if you don’t think it will.

lying is as heavy as a thousand pound weight around your neck and every lie adds more weight to it.

lying does not allow for a life of freedom.

lying keeps you running from yourself and others.

by lying, you’re pretending to be something that you’re not.

most often, people can’t live with lies, but they pretend through life, live with the lies and live in shame.

lying is like a disease.  “pathological” lying is a disease!

lying is bad bad BAD!!!

i know a liar that lied so much that they could not tell the truth about even the slightest of things.  anytime they speak…i cringe and get tense.  being around them is like a heavy oppressive presence.  they have lost everything that they know and wanted in life just because of the lies that they have told.  is it enough to make them change from an oppressive life filled with lies, lies and more lies?  i dunno, we shall see.  but in the meantime, their lies have cost them my friendship and trust.

lying so angers me because its destructive nature. i find myself seething anytime someone lies to me and ESPECIALLY when someone lies on me.  ugh.

children and lies:  children go through many phases in their growth. i’ve learned that ALL children go through a phase that include lying.  what?!  ugh!!! sigh.  i. absolutely. hate. it.  our job as parents is to help them navigate their way through life without this deceptive way of being.  because i’ve experienced first hand, how someone’s lies can destroy, i am ultra sensitive to anyone lying to me.  even my sweet-faced, precious little myles, tells lies.  what?!  at first, i did not know how to handle him lying to me.  he once lied to me and it made me so livid. he immediately got in trouble and lost the privileges of playing with his most prized possessions for a period of time.  for myles, this meant that his whole world came crashing down around him.  losing toy privileges for a kid is a big deal.  put this in the context of a a grown up who lies and lies and lies. they will eventually have their whole world crash down around them, and it won’t be a few toys.  the consequences of lying is all relative. its devastating effects can seem like the end of the world and for some, it has destroyed their world…their whole life.

you see folks, lying, as you probably have gathered by now, really ticks me off.

when you lie, your children will lie.  so it is important to model different behavior.  when you lie, you don’t realize what kind of life you’re shaping for yourself.  when you lie, you don’t allow God to reveal “you” to yourself and bring healing into your life.  when you lie, you don’t get the chance to live a life of freedom, but instead, your life is much about delusions.  oftentimes, delusions of grandeur and such.   

for those of us that think little lies are no big deal, there is no such thing.  a lie is a lie is a lie.  a little lie can be just as extremely destructive as a supposed big lie. 

“ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free” – so true, so true this is!!!  there is no freedom in living with lies and hiding from yourself, hiding from others and living in shame.

why a post about lies?  well, i was reflecting on a recent experience and how devastating their lie was to me.  it has caused me to have such a strong reaction when someone lies that i have to really get a hold of my reaction when i know that someone is lying.  when i say strong reacton…it was not pretty, folks.  have i ever lied?  ummmm, yep.  just as we all have.  but, i promise myself that little lies are not acceptable and little lies or big lies i will never get away with.  and with a very stern voice, i told this to sweet-faced, precious little myles.  it scared the french fry out of him, but he got the point.

so, did i forgive this person and others who have come to mind as i delve into this topic about lying?  i am desperately working on it.  carrying the weight of what they have done is not mine to handle.  however, me forgiving them is.  this is a tough one for me but i’m determined to forgive.

anyhoo, until next time…keep it straight and tell the TRUTH!!!

c ya

summertime is up…reality is back in full swing August 31, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in coming back..., life, my baby. my boyl my joy, my ramblings....
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i’m baaaaaack!!!  yay for a really fun summer.  now if i can just get at least one more very warm day at the beach then and only then will i be okay to wait ’til summer comes back around…in 2010! 

speaking of summer fun and back to school…

 back to school

i am now the proud mommy of a full-time first grade student!  i made it through the first day of school with no tears and holding my breath.  my myles was pretty brave for his first full day, not as excited as i thought he’d be and by the end of the school day he simply informed me that he was not going to be returning to school the next day.  and for the three days that followed he informed me that going back to school was not an option.  so i’d say that he handled his first week well *wink*.  i would be more than thrilled to guide his education and have him hang out with me all day, however, it’s time for my little bird to spread his wings a bit. sniff sniff.  i must admit, i was so wrapped up in summertime stuff that first grade came upon me and shocked me back into reality.

i’ve had many people say to me “so what are you going to do with all of your free time without myles?” wait, huh, free time?  come again.  who is handing out free time and not telling me?  correct me if i wrong, but, most moms who are at home generally don’t have a ton of free time to speak of.  and if there is an at home mom that does have six plus hours of free time on her hands because her kids are in school…please, by all means, give me a holla!:)  let this girlie know your secret.

so, as i sit around *ahem* in all of my glorious free time, a pile of shtuff that calls for my immediate attention stares me in the face , a list of calls NEED to be made and a few errands need to be run.  or i can cheat and choose option B and reward myself with a bit of  a 30 minute cat nap.  all moms for the latter raise you hand…me! i hope all of you moms squeezed every bit of summer out of june, july and august that you could because summer lovn’ is over now.    one last thing about this summer – with budget constraints and the layoffs that we have experienced, i vote myself for the supermom who turned the summer of ’09 into a summer to be reckoned with!!!  talk about a mom who made and can make plenty-o-fun things happen on the cheap, yep, that’s me.  can you tell how proud i am?  teehee:)   oh cut it out, no need to applause:)  teehee

speaking of life in all it’s ummmm… glory

when i say that this has been one of the most fun, power packed, emotionally exhausting, eye opening, God challenged summers of all times…i’m hardly scratching the surface in my expression of how things were/are.  for three years and nine months i had been dreading a moment that i thought i could prevent from ever coming.  BAM! it came, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  the weight was so heavy i felt as if i could not breath and yet somehow i could and did breath.  lots of personal gains and lots of personal losses.  lots of moments that i will cherish forever.  and lots of moments that i choose to cast into a lake of fire forgive.  there were lots of “can you hear me God Almighty up there, out there, anywhere”.  there were even some smite me almighty smiter moments.  i actually dared Him, you know, the ALMIGHTY, ALL KNOWING, LORD OF ALL, KING OF KINGS, SOVEREIGN GOD to get busy because what was going on was not working…or so i thought.  as i know by now, what happens in our little feeble minds is no match for he who reigns and redeems. ya know!

lessons we should all learn:  not many chose to see the life of another person through the other person’s eyes.  most people chose to see the life of another person through whatever way they think things are or should be.  i once heard a quote or something that said – never believe everything you hear and only half of what you see.  SO TRUE!!! SO TRUE!!!  so the next time you or I look at someone’s supposedly happy and charmed existence, you must know that there is a story behind every closed door; behind every smile; behind every crabby mood; behind every zoned out mom or dad;and behind every family.  so be very careful what you judge, cast stones at, shake your head or wag your finger at.  another very important thing to remember…”God can take care of what others do to us far better than we can” –  says cicely tyson’s character from the movie “diary of a mad black woman”.  and for those that need the matching scripture…vengence is mine says the Lord.  plus, HE can do it with quite a bit more grace than any of us. 

most folks would love to live a life that is as perfect as perfect can get, however, how many people would eagerly and anxiously want to live a life that has been redeemed?   warning:  when God redeems your life you’re usually tried, tested and  brought  dragged through the fire.  sounds like fun, huh?  somehow at the end of your experience(s) it is well worth it.  or so i’m told:0)

so here i go, praying myself through my days, putting one foot in front of the other and choosing to know above anything else that providence IS on my side.

until next time, c ya

shake down and a new perspective… April 3, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, clean thinking, growth, life, my ramblings....
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if you’ve ever experienced a shake down and your world did not quite turn out the way you planned…do you have a plan b?  these days it seems as if lots of folks are finding themselves in need of a plan b. 

 i remember when my myles started talking about his plan b, he was 3 years old at the time.  whenever he would be playing with toys or doing almost anything, he would make sure that if you came anywhere near him that you would know not to mess with his plan b.  i thought that what he was saying was really funny at the time and i didn’t think too seriously about how profound that was for a three year to even think in that way.  oh to be wise and young.  on second thought, was it just his males instincts, his creativity, the hunter, gatherer, hoarder, etc. in him.  either way, it did make me think a bit about looking beyond the now and just simply the norm.

usually when you lose it all, or lose that “great” job with a pretty healthy salary, lose that relationship that you think that your world would end without it, when you lose friendships, when you’re stuck in a dead end situation and don’t know what the heck to do next, when the plans that you set your sights on did not go quite as you desired and so on and so forth…what do you do next?

not all the time are we going to think ahead when we’re in the midst of our current blissful situation, however, anytime is an opportunity to start doing the thing you are really passionate about but didn’t do because of fear or otherwise.  big let downs can be your gateway into your new fulfilling life.  ooohhh, i think i just made up a new quote.  let me say it again, big let downs can be your gateway into your new fulfilling life.  it’s all about perspective…so get a new one (perspective that is or a new life, it kind of adds up to the same, don’t you think?).

a lot of times people will stay focused on their let down and then get stuck in a trap of not letting that mad energy fuel them into doing what they were created for.  every single one of us was created with a specific “special” thing about us and in crazy times or not-so-crazy times i say, GO FOR IT!!!

once you open up the space in your own head to do what is your internal healthy desire, you will realize a certain freedom in your life. 

so i say…take the bull by the horns, let go of your fear(s), dive in full throttle.  you just might be surprised at what you discover about yourself.  let no words from others or yourself halt your progress.  if you need a little help with that take a page and a few words from my now five year old myles…”don’t mess with my plan b”!

lethargy and a big ‘ol tushie… March 26, 2009

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okay,  so i went to my doctor’s office for girlie visit time and as i was sitting there talking with my doc i said, “i think i’m in menopause.”  silence. silence. silence.  and then he looks up at me with his glasses hanging slightly off of his nose, less than half a smirk, and then he continued writing in my file.  silence, again for a few more seconds and then a response.  “so, what makes you think this?”  he asks.  ummm, well,  my girlie time is off, i sweat like a banshee long after i take a shower and beyond and so on and so forth.”  then there is silence.  he starts writing, again.  then he looks up at me and we go through of a series of questions and answers.  so then i say to him, “well, am i? am i or am i not in menopause?”  “well”.  he says.  i don’t think so, you’re quite young for that. but…(blah, blah, blah, blah and some more stuff that i’m not sure that i was tuned in to).

don’t you just love going to the doctor and getting a “BUT” response to your question.  i wanted to say – look doc, don’t make me sweat any more than i have been lately, just give me the quick and dirty. 

so it turns out that we don’t really know what is going on with my body.  what we do know is that something something just ain’t right.   so soon i will be heading to the lab to get tests and such.

anyhoo, the doctor looks down at my file and says, “i see that you’ve gained a little  bit of weight.”  and i said, “why, yes doctor, i have gained weight”.  “do you like how it looks on me?”  “i’ve picked up these extra pounds by eating loads and loads of candy!”  he, being a doctor who is not moved to show much emotion or facial expression at all, looks at me and simply asks, “what kind of candy”?  and i said, “candy, you name it and i like it”.  “candy, candy, candy, i like it!” (score…i got a smirk out of him!)

he may not have found that completely funny but i think he actually wrote the words, candy candy candy in my file.  or was it crazy crazy crazy.  oh well, at least he knows what to get for me the next time i come into his  office because these are the kind of office visits that one should be rewarded for. ya know what i mean.  nothing big, just a little something full of refined sugar will do me just fine.  teeeheee

so, finally, i ask him…”will i be able to have more children if i’m possibly heading into menopause (i can’t get off this menopause kick because i somehow hear my clock tick tick ticking away) and what exactly does menopause mean?”

and he looks up after writing in my file and tells me that menopause means that one’s ovaries are aging and that your body is moving out of child bearing years.  he didn’t say no, or impossible, nor did he tell me that i’m actually in menopause…yet.

so here i stand…a big ‘ol hinie, sweating, overheating and hot flashes, suspicions of menopause or under active thyroid and so on and so forth. 

i am still young and i refuse to go  down for the count this early in life with things all shutting down and drying up and stuff. and if i do…it will be in a blaze of glory baby!!!

 on a brighter note and more importantly, at least i don’t have wrinkles not even the first sign of them at all! i’m just saying.:)

snips and snails and puppy dog tails… March 18, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, brown boy pride, children, my ramblings....
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remember this nursery rhyme…

What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy-dogs’ tails,
That’s what little boys are made of.
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice, and everything nice,
That’s what little girls are made of.

yes, i now believe that’s what little boys are made of – snips, snails and puppy dog tails.

i was walking myles (my five year old) home from school.  as the parents picked up their student and the children said good bye, myles yells out to one of the little girls – “bye, i’m gonna marry you”! i’m thinking…huh, what?  no, not yet!!! no girls!!! there will be plenty of time for that…like in 20 years when he’s all done with college or something like that.

i look at him and laugh a little.  then i gave him a second look.  i laughed again because he thought he was “big boy” cool (chasing girls and such), not even realizing he was walking around with his hat on inside out while trying to woo a woman.  

 moving along, we unlocked his bike, he hopped on and began to ride…in the mud, dirt, rocks, bugs and such.  no problem right? this is just something that little kids do.  though it’s gross, you’ve gotta let them have fun. 

on the way home he and a classmate of his played for a little bit before we head out on our journey home.  so they’re running and playing and such.  all of a sudden his little friend falls to the ground and scrapes her knee (hole in the pants and all).  like a typical kid she cries a bit and gets a hug from her mom.  normally, myles would be very concerned and give a quick comforting hug.  no. not this time. he looked at her to make sure she was okay and then when she kept whimpering a bit he picked up his rock from the ground, took off running and said, “oh please”.  where’s the compassion that he used to have?  sigh.  it’s official!  he’s got the “i don’t care” man in him. he is a boy.

and then, all the way he rode through the dirt, mud, mud, mud and more mud.

sigh.  that’s my boy and i’ve gotta get used to it.  mud, dirt, bugs, scraped up knees, ripped up pants, and that i don’t give a care attitude.

mr. alien hands

my-boy

peeing on trees… March 17, 2009

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men love to claim their stuff.  mark their territory.  be the alpha male.  let you know who is king (or so they think).  they love to PEE ON TREES! 

i am now convinced after watching my little five year old boy that i’m sure that it starts in the womb!  as soon as the sex of a child is deemed – boy, i would suspect that the boy to manhood process begins. 

because i’m a woman and i know nothing about being a man, i am constantly educating myself on everything about boys and their process to becoming a man. 

yep, flinging dirt, playing in dirt, throwing mud, throwing rocks, showing off their muscles, strutting their stuff, boys and their toys, showing off their feathers like peacocks and competing with the next man to show them who the alpha male is.  peeing on trees.

i know that if i did not try to learn all about boys and their growing process for myself, i would parent my boy a completely different way.  i’m pretty sure that i would be a bit clueless.  as i’m watching him as he tries to be a big  boy, i often laugh at what i see (same boyish behaviors) a lot of times in men. 

though, a lot of times women won’t admit it, they like it when a man tries really hard to protect, care, vie for the attention of and show off their strength to impress…and that my friends is what i call peeing on trees.  

Do you think female dogs

babies and big lips… March 11, 2009

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it seems that everyone has an opinion, a thought, an axe to grind, a stone to throw and so on a so forth.  i must say that i’m not quite sure what to say about that situation.  that octomom situation, that is.  she is in a very tough and overwhelming position right now.  did she bring it upon herself?  could she have let someone else have the babies? could/should she have taken a pass on the oversized lip surgery?  who knows.

i guess i could look at all that she’s done as it relates to her ever increasing family and how she should have done this and that differently. if i expressed my opinion, would it be me casting judgement.  but i do believe that there is probably a whole lot more to the story than any of us know.  though, we do know enough to be floored by it all.  or do we?

is it any of our business?  as concerned citizens, we have a right to remain nosey, right?  if she didn’t want us all to be concerned, why is she offering interviews with every form of media possible?  if it’s helping her to raise the funds that she needs to take care of her situation…do we say – go for it?

now that the babies are here, the attention would be best given to the eight new little precious babies as well as the other six children.  will they go home to an already overwhelmed mom?  will she adopt them out to some other parents who are in a position to emotionally, mentally and physically care for them.  heck, how do we not know that with lots and lots of help and a different/bigger place to live, if she can actually do it or not? it just might be possible.  is it fair to the children and whose call is it to make?

 i was speaking with a mother of my son’s classmate the other day and she said that her mom is one of 18 children.  all natural born to the same mother and father.  however, it didn’t sound so odd to me because in the days of our grandparents and even in the days of some of our parents, largeover-sized families were not an extremely odd thing, from what i hear.

my mother had eight siblings.  i never really thought much of it.  i’m assuming that at times it must have been overwhelming for people with very expanded families.  according to all stories told, they did whatever was needed to care for their family.  as far as i can tell, they all came out okay…in a matter of speaking.  i don’t think i ever heard my aunts, uncles or my mom speak of their childhood being jam packed with too many kids.  they seemed to all have experienced parental love, care and if they moved quick enough, they all got a good meal.  but, is that all that there is?  how fulfilling could a life like that be and who gets neglected, misses out on new clothes/shoes or good hand me downs, cultural experiences, one-on-one time, individualized care for disabilities and so on and so forth?  looking at all of this, i think she has a right to be overwhelmed.  and i assume that she is doing some major self evaluation at this point.  she has probably said over and over to herself, “what the!!!”

i am raising one little one and when times are tight as they are with our current layoff situation, i truly get concerned about whether we will be able to provide a well rounded and fulfilling life for him.  thankfully i can be and am thrifty and creative…thanks mom. 

i pray that she gets the resources and helping hands that are needed for her brood.  the babies are here, the deed has been done and she is now freaking out.  if you could, what would you offer to her? ( even if you are angry with her decisions)

so what’s with all of the sensationalism?  i guess the other day, she said she is overwhelmed and is concerned because some of the babies could possibly be comng home soon.  what to do? what to do? 

octomom has some tough decisions to make.  if one of those decisions is whether or not she has to adopt out her children because she has no money, not enough help and no wherewithal to have a healthy family with the new eight additions…that would be the most extreme choice i would ever even imagine she would have to make.  imagine her dilema!

there are consequences on either side.  she would probably be emotional wrecked if they had to go home with someone else.  but then again, she would probably be overwhelmed and without proper resources if they came home with her. 

how many of us would actually be able to make the best decision without thinking that we are not making the best decision? 

here’s the deal.  how christ deals with us is not by looking at our sins as a way to punish us.  though there are natural consequences, there is also grace and mercy from the one who came to redeem us.  he is our counselor, comforter, keeper, redeemer and friend.  so, he definitely would not keep talking to us about how we should have or could have or must have or even how stupid we are.  trust me, he knows how faulty and flawed we are.   but he also promises that upon seeking his forgiveness, upon seeking his wisdom, we can know a different life.  all of us will experience some of life’s drama, but, christ can lead us to wiser decision making…if we seek and ask.

in retrospect, she has said – she probably would have thought twice about being implantedwith more embryos. to live as if she alone was invincible and able  to care for 6 or even 7 children (let alone 14) without a father in the picture and without giving second thought to circumstances was fantasy to say the least.

so the focus should definitely be on what now.  yes, there are some things that will be investigated and laws that may change, or legal regulations put into place and so on and so forth, all based on this whole situation.  i guess, all things happen for a reason.

in the meantime, moving forward.  the focus should be on the six, plus the eight, plus the three adults (2 overwhelmed grandparents with a house in foreclosure status and a harried mom who obviously is in need of many things…).  how to care for them, who will care for them and how to move toward making this situation – a life that god can redeem. should this be the focus now?

gonna make you sweat… March 5, 2009

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for most people it takes energy and scheduling and such to fit your workouts into your day.  anyhoo, it’s apparent by the bit of a belly bulge that i have, that i have not scheduled or fit any type of workout into my days as of late.  the only thing that i’ve fit in has been all the mmmmmmm, yummmy sweets that i fit into my mouth.  remember, i told you some time ago that i love my peeps and all kinds of other sweets.  if you put a wholesome meal before me and a bunch of sugar infused treats…i would trade it all for this –

mmmmmm, CANDY!

COTTON CANDY…DA BEST!       (MAIN COURSE)

  

RED TWISTS (SIDE DISH)

                   

 PEEPS! (DESERT)

See full size image

so needless to say, besides the belly bulge, lately my bootay has also grown a bit. 

i’ve figured out a way to slip in my workout while playing with my myles at the same time.  no schedules, no hassles, no need for a gym membership…just pure fun.  here’s secret to working out and getting in play time with your little one.

1)   turn up the music and  have a 15 to 20 minute dance party.  your kid(s) will love it and you will feel it for sure.  the following, should give you a little incentive…  go toni. go toni go toni. do the robot. go. go. go. wooooooo.  yes, that was just me breaking out the dance moves.

2)   take your kid on a bike ride, except you won’t ride your bike, you will run beside him/her.  your run may not be as fast a you’d like for it to be, but it will be at least a 20 to 30 minute run.  if your child is older, you just might get a chance to run for pace and run for a longer period of time

3) if you’re a sahm (stay at home mom) and refuse to leave the house until you’ve cleaned every nook and crany, you could make sure that you’re moving constantly while cleaning and moving briskly around the house.  also, while trying to catch up on your half-hour tv show, use your resistance bands and do your moves while you looking at the television.  that’s worth at least a half hour of strength work                                               

– or –

make sure that while you’re cleaning and picking up toys and going up and down the stairs, make sure your moves are calculated.  tuck and tighten those abs as you bend and pick up.  also, here’s a bonus –  going up and down the stairs for one thing or another certainly helps with the glutes and cardio. (after giving birth, i was constantly up and down the stairs and it was certainly not because i wanted to and before i  even realized it, i had begun to take off the weight.  however, i found it again…the weight that is)

that’s all i’ve got for now.  the next time i look in the mirror i hope that i’m not saying what i said the other day…dang – i wonder how many months pregnant is she.  teehee. 

gotta go get fit and fine! c ya

 …and no more of this

yo, are you doing it or not? February 18, 2009

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like most people, i have an appreciation for the english language and proper use of grammar and such.  i consider myself vaguely on point when it comes to using the correct I and Me.  i miss the mark when it comes to putting commas and semi-colons where they belong.  i even skip paragraphs altogether.  i appreciate the power of perfectly punctuated phrases.  do I perfectly punctuate my phrases? NO!  as if you haven’t already noticed, i am too lazy busy  consumed with maximizing my time to capitalize the beginning of my sentences and the beginning of words.  i am fully aware of what i am doing and it bugs me.  however, whenever, wherever or whoever…i am not doing it

lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of people do it and it drives me absolutely CRAZY!!!  it grates on my nerves like nails on a chalk board, like grinding teeth, like chinese water torture.  don’t do it.  don’t mix up the words YOUR and YOU’RE.  here’s the deal people.  those two words are not interchangeable!!! you can’t just go using them all willy nilly.  i’m just saying.  you’re (a contraction – you are) and your (belongs to you / possessive).  you get it?  they don’t mean the same.  so STOP IT!!!

by the way, feel free to correct me on my stuff…if you dare.  i’m sure there’s plenty to run red marks through when it comes to my writing,  but at least you know that i’m doing it right.  because you’re reading this,  i know that i have your attention.  the next time i get a note from someone with the your or you’re in the wrong place…i’m going to red mark your note, return it to you and you’re going to thank me for it.  or maybe not!  teehee

now that i’ve given you the riot act about the use of the words your and you’re, i will work on my stuff.  i’ll take the easy and funny way out with this cute little book .  it just might be the thing i need.

nope, i don’t like YOUR pooch, YOUR puppy, YOUR pet… February 4, 2009

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okay, how many times have you had someone’s unleashed cute little puppy come up to you and want to lick you? do you just stand there and smile knowing that you want the dog to go AWAY!  so the the owner says to you, oh he doesn’t bite.  ummmm, what?  if he has teeth HE BITES!  or the owner will say he just wants to sniff you or give you kisses.  ummmmm, no!!! i don’t want your dog sniffing and licking me.  don’t they know that doggie kisses is your dog licking you with the same mouth that he licks his….  it’s also the same mouth that he laps up yesterday’s lunch that came back up.  ummmmmm, gross!!!

then there’s the really big muscle dogs that look like they can eat you up in one swill swoop.  they come running toward you tongue wagging and breathing heavy.  in reality they probably just want to play with you but from your  perception the look like 150 200 pounds worth of cujo. (your imagination goes wild – slobber, heavy breathing, big leaps on all fours coming toward you at 50 miles an hour) ughhhh.  the owner just lets them come after you for some quick play time.  all you’re thinking is i’m gonna be mauled, i’m gonna be mauled.  the owner says “oh, he’s harmless, he just loves to play”.  WHAT?!!! nope.  i don’t want to play with your domestic monster:)

nope, i don’t like your pooch.  i mean really, pets can be really cute and snuggly and stuff, however, please remember he’s YOUR pet.  he’s your man’s best friend. he’s your snuggly fluffy thing.  YOU KISS HIM!  my neighbors have dogs and they really are cute.  my neighbors are also really respectful in not having their dog not climb all over their guests.  plus, myles gets his pet fix.  i would love love love to get him a puppy, cat or something.  but, momma can’t handle scooping poop.

anyhoo, big ups to all you domestic pet lovers out there.  go ahead, let ’em lick ya, kiss ya, love ya, bite ya and all that other good stuff. but just remember, not everyone likes your pooch:)

by the way, this is not an i hate pets post.  so don’t go calling peta or aspca or who ever it is that handles those lovely little furry little creatrues:)

we’re going to the inaugural ball… January 19, 2009

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 yes! the 2009 inaugural ball for president obama…we’re going.

myles  is excited, i’m excited…we’re all excited! 

hmmmm…does this mean i have to wear panty hose? teehee

stay tuned for pictures from our time at the ball.  i’m so glad that he is alert and aware and excited about this really historic and important time in history for him.  it’s really fun to have a kid who is so passionate and eager to participate in what’s happening around him.

this is one time he is not going to mind dressing like steve harvey. teehee  (see post: “i’m sick of looking like an old man”)

for sure he is going to be our new president!… November 3, 2008

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                                  him?                          or                  him?

yes, the winner is him.  you know him. the guy claiming to not give us another 8 years. the guy claiming that he is not like that other guy, you know the other guy…the one currently in office.  the guy that says he is going to pull us out of this bad economy. the one who is going to do something about the direction this war is heading into or not.  the one that says he can reach across the aisle.  the one who says that he cares about everyday citizens. the one who says that he picked his running mate because his running mate has got the “stuff” to help him lead this country.  the one who says that we are going to turn this country around.  the one who has attracted all kinds of people to his rallies for various reasons.  the one who has convinced you to “vote for me“.  he is the one the people will have elected come tomorrow night (unless it runs over…again).  it better not run over this time cuz  people are ready to party!!! whoo whoo!!! i think people are going to party anyway even if their candidate does not win. ya know.  people are ready for this to be ova!!! (as she laughs).  so we will all be cheering or disappointed to find out that he and he are president and vp or he and she are president and vp. 

this was a historic election process.  it was actually kind of fun in a weird sord of all riled up and heated up debate kind of way. 

did anyone get the sense that we all got a chance to see and hear some deeply hidden, i never meant to say that out loud kind of, ooooooooooh i may actually be a bit judgemental kind of, whoa where did those words come from kind of, i’m not as apathetic and couldn’t care less as i may have projected all these years kind of a person. 

strangely enough, all this hullabaloo was actually good for our country for a few different reasons.  this election process has stirred up conversations that needed to come up a long long time ago.  now we all get to deal with some long ago emotional baggage.  yo people, open up that closet and let the emotional baggage fall on out.  fortunately it opened up some minds and expanded some relationships.  unfortunately, it strained some others.  however,  i hope that the strain that it has caused on some folks will provoke them to deal with some things.  so i sit here for a second laughing because the song that just came to mind was that old michael jackson and other artists song, remember it …”heal the world”.  okay, the song itself was corny as all get out but for some reason i thought of it.  not a fan of the song but hey, i’m just saying. listen to the song.  it’ll either may make you cry or think a little deeper about  something other than yourself, myself, him, her, pres., vp, pant suits, hair bun hair-do, brown man, old man, democrat, republican, right, left, independent, whatever.  it’ll give you a bit of a break from all the political tension and perhaps you can think human for a moment.

in four years, we’re going to see another level to the whole election process.  better voting machines…i hope.  good grief, it is the 21st century.  i sooooo bet that there will be at least three women in the initial process (primaries) running for commander and chief.  what!?! that would be like so 21st century people. 

you guys know that the polls are, well, ummm what the hay what is the point of them…the polls that is.  we keep hearing all the poll projections and who is up in what state by whatever percentage points and such.  come on.  the most important poll is on election day when we all get our butts in a voting booth.  is money being spent on the extreme amount of polls being taken? for real? that much money huh? perhaps i don’t understand why and what they (polls) are useful for because anything can happen far different from the polls, but hey, i’m just saying.

so, yeah, i’m going to vote for him.  he might win.  but then again he night not.  who knows. 

exciting stuff people!

cussing out loud in the city… November 1, 2008

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i really enjoy going to the city to hang out.  strangely enough, i like the crowds, the noise, the energy, the arts, all the very “interesting” things that you may not otherwise see out in the burbs. i guess you can say that i’m a bright lights big city kind of girl. 

my little myles and i took a trip to the city on the train which is one of his favorite things to do.  well, we got lunch, chilled out on the train, had fun with an eye spy book and exited the train once we got to our destination.  after walking through the crowds and taking in some fresh air (relatively speaking), we were enjoying our train date and were looking forward to the coffee date part of this little trip.  we walked down the streets with crowds of people around us and with the flow of foot traffic headed in a hurry to a myriad of places.  as we crossed the busy city street, a taxi cab so rushed to probably go nowhere or racing the other taxi drivers for the next fare, comes barrelling out into the street where we were crossing.  then it happens, the mother bear instinct comes rising out of me without pause or hesitation.  freaked out by nearly getting hit by a taxi cab, i pulled my son close to me and yell out “hey, you flipping idiot!”  instead of putting up his hand to indicate that he felt a little bit bad for driving like a bat out of hell and like he got his license in some dark back alley from some shady character illegally selling licences for five bucks, he decides to flip me the bird.  imagine, he flipped me the bird.   once we were safely on the curb, i kind of chuckled at myself for the little exchange i was just involved in. (in hindsight, the whole thing was kind of funny, but then again i have weird humor).

myles and i continued walking down the street and i wondered how was i going to  explain mommy’s little cussing moment. 

myles:  mommy, why did you call that man a flipping idiot

me:  well, mommy got angry because that man almost hit us with his car and he wasn’t being careful.  i shouldn’t have called him a name.  myles, saying flipping idiot is not a nice thing even when you’re mad, so we won’t use those words…okay

myles: oh, okay

whew…thankfully flipping idiot is all that came out of my mouth.  so anyway, the rest of the our train date continued without a hitch.  we couldn’t get a drink fast enough…me, a venti decaf coffee with pumpkin flavoring and him, a steamed vanilla milk…aaahhh.

i took a pause for the cause… October 16, 2008

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taking a pause for what cause?  be-cause i wanted to.  okay so that was funnier in person.  so anyhoo, i have not written since forever ago.  actually i’ve thought about writing, thought out the words and posted.  then i realized it was all in my head.  i’ve been lazy.  disinterested. lazy. hesitant cuz i think my words would have revealed my sharp edges.  me sharp edges. unnn unnn. (as she smirks)

lemme me see, we are in the most tiresome political season and it seems like it has been going on far too long. or is it that i have cared to listen to primary, after debate, after campaign ad, after snl spoof.  LET’S VOTE ALREADY!!! november 4th can’t come too soon.  whether you vote for the old guy whose partner is the new chick warrior on the scene or the charismatic young guy whose partner can go for a good verbal toe to toe.  hmmm, who to choose.  who to choose.  listen folks, look at whose policy resonate with you most (not based on pressure or another’s opinion of what party you should belong to…ya know).  vote your choice. we’re free to do so in this great u.s. of a.  (patriotic music swells) land of the free, home of the brave! stand in line on november 4th, no matter how long it takes and make sure you plug a vote for the team that’s the lesser of two evils, the one with the strongest policies or not, the team that will be able to clean up and put in the hard work, the team that lasted through this hard fought political campaign, dog gone it i’m tired of hearing it all let’ rock the vote…woohoo!!! (i crack myself up)

enough with the politics.  it has been fun though hasn’t it?  it’s been fun to see how excited and spirited conversations are amongst the people in america. young, old, in between, across all social economics, citizens and immigrants.  i like to see and engage in spirited conversations where people express themselves and take a lookat a different point of view, consider it and stand firm on they believe in.  i believe there has been an atmosphere created for young people (me included:) to stand for something more than being overly spoiled and getting something for nothing.  i think it’s important for us to teach our children to “stand for something or they’ll fall for anything”.  hmmm, stand for something, that could be al little dangerous if not checked or explained, don’t cha think? so make sure you go into a little detail when telling someone that quote.

anyhoo, it’s kind of fun watching my five year old try to grasp some of what is going on with all this politic stuff.  he even knows just a tad bit aobut who is who.  i ask him “who is our president” and he says, “George bush”.  check.  i ask, “who are the guys running to be president? he says, john mccain. and then i ask him who the other candidate is and he says “barack obama” (he had to think a little about both guys because he is not into it as much as mommy, but he had it down for the most part. of course i guess it helps him to constantly hear the news channel  blaring every political event in our house.  then he looks at me with a very quizzical look and asks, “so, is barack obama still our president?” hmmmm

caption:  “wait until we get outside, im gonna mop the floor up with you. now turn around and smile for the cameras doggoneit”

anyhoo,  wouldn’t it be cool to hear a conversation between obama and mccain when they’re not being polite.   here’s my version – obama:  “dude listen, my policies will work and i don’t care what you think of my inexperience. don’t you know that 4osomething is the new age of wisdom”.  so sit yourself down and let me show you how it’s done. i’m telling you eight years is enough. mccain:  you think you’re something with your charisma and popularity and idealism. i’m the real voice of reason and wisdom and all the joe six packs, joe the plumbers and all those guys are gonna strap on their combat boots and beat the heck out of what happened over the last eight years, cuz i’m not george, you hear me!” (yes, i do think i’m a funny. even if i’m the only one laughing)

okay, getting loopy, sleepy and stuff.  c ya

hmmm…interesting thoughts according to me August 3, 2008

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okay, so today we were with some friends in small group.  a small group of what? it’s not what some of you may think. no, we don’t stand up and say…”hi, my name is _______ and then all reply back and say hi _____. mostly we get together every couple of weeks and do life together. we chill, chat, eat, laugh, talk play, joke around and get transparent in God’s truth for our life. 

if you get to hang out in a group dynamic where you get to do life together, i encourage you to do so.  it’s a lot easier and better to love others and yourself for who you are when you get real and discuss (out loud) life’s stuff.  not all people are trustworthy to know your deepest, darkest. however, there comes a time when you learn to trust each other and rely on each other to uphold you in prayer and honest conversations.  nothing really scary…mostly just freeing. 

all this leads to knowing more about yourself in an honest way. you may then begin to want more and better for yourself regardless of how revealing you have to be to get there.  i was such a person that most of my thoughts stayed internal.  i did a lot of thinking and even judging of myself and others.  kind of ugly, i know.  but as i am determined to be a better person for myself and my son and my family and my legacy,  it becomes more and more important to change thinking and work on heart issues.  the lines to one of the songs that i really like goes a little like this…

i wanna leave a legacy

how will they remember me

did i choose to love

did i point to You, enough to make a mark on things

i wanna leave an offering

child of mercy and grace

who bless your name, apologetically

to leave that kind of legacy

key and operative words to the song are…child of mercy and grace. i’m learning to be more gracious and merciful. i used to almost be merciless because of my extreme strict thinking towards myself and others. i’ve learned to loosen my grip a bit. as i raise my son and live in a harmonious household home with my husband, i have learned and am still learning daily, the value of loosening the grip and taking away my own projected expectations.  something of importance…we can project onto others and choose to be disappointed on a daily basis. other stuff…be gracious and kind and most of all loving and allow people to be who they are and love them anyway.  love is a choice my friends.  whoa, i almost choked on those words. love is a choice.  hmmm. love is a choice. love is a choice. love is a choice…period. don’t you wish that love could just blissfully happen? hmmm, it ain’t like that people! so as you encounter people and interact with people…you have to choose to love.

daily i have to take my big girl pill (metaphorically speaking) in order to be better than i know i am sometimes tempted to be. 

what’s really funny about me is that i’m genuinely very nice, funny, goofy, sometimes wise, sometimes naive (more often than i care to admit), creative, joyful, honest, weird and totally out there. sometimes i can be quite witchy and crabby and judgemental.  but can’t we all? okay, so maybe some of you fine folk aren’t…but i know moi.  i’m pretty sure that i can describe myself as evolving mentally, spiritually physically and stuff. okay, physically i have evolved into the body of a 47 year old.  so i don’t know if i can quite describe that as evolving physically or disintegrating.  no, like really. i was training for and ran the chicago marathon in 2007 and i am being told that i have the body of a 47 year old by some trainer at a gym who put me through the paces to see where i am physically.  i was basically being tested to see if i was okay to work out full speed ahead.  i know that i have gotten out of shape, but what the heck. i secretly wished that he would have taken pity on me and said, free of charge…personal training sessions for you.  well, he didn’t. so i took my body assessment printout and personally trained myself. teehee. yeah right.  i’m still stuck on the “you have the body of a 47 year old”. aargghh!!! what the uugghH!!! so anyhoo, i digress…

well,  i encourage you to get in a small group of some fun folk and do life together.  get real, be real, love, live, laugh, talk, eat and share.  it’s not as corny as you may think.  cuz i’m like really cool. or am i really cool since i used the words “like really cool”.

so, i’ve gotta go. i’ve got a small group of pillows waiting for me to chill and relax on.

c ya.  peace in the middle east. rain in spain. take care!

whew! 5th birthday mylestone…check July 23, 2008

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, children, my baby. my boyl my joy, my ramblings..., raising children.
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this little sweet face boy is growing up very fast…gotta run so that i can get some qt time with him:)

we can check it off the list. my little boobear is five, his party is over and i can seriously try to get over the fact that life is moving full speed ahead. 

i did the carnival theme and it was really fun.  i don’t know howi don’t like to do kids only birthday parties because i relish in having bunches of friends and family around.  my son gets to know what it’s like to love family and to look forward to and cherish the time that he gets to be with them (family and friends that is) .  call me crazy cuz i know that i am, but i really like crazy fun parties with bunches of people.  growing up, parties with all of our extended family and such in attendance were usually more quiet affairs.  my husband likes quaint and cozy.  so, to my husband…your baby boy and i are sayying THANKS for indulging us and helping to make the carnival fun happen!!! 

we had a carnival theme, and i do declare that it was the most fun and easiest party to plan.  just rally a few friends to help with entertainment, round up the toys that all of us know we have too many of and bakebuy some cute cupcakes and colorful balloons and streamers and you’ve got yourself a partay! okay so a few more details are missing such as the concession people (popcorn and drinks). oh yeah, the people who kept me moving things along.  

after the party was over, the three of us (andre’, myles and i) cleaned and opened presents and videotaped myles talking about what he thought of his party.  the thing that he said made us both realize whether or not his grandnana could be here all the way from texas, he spoke the most meaningful message to her. please note, it was not the presents, it was not the sweet treats or all the fun he had but he spoke so sentimentally about his grandnana.

us: (camera lens aimed at myles)  myles, what  do you want to say about today, your party and stuff?

myles: umm, i just want to say that i’m sorry grandnana that you couldn’t be here. i wish that you could be here. i miss you so much and i want you to come to my house.  i wish you weren’t all the way in texas so that you could be here with me. i love you sooo much. bye. peace out.

us: (paused camera) looked at each other and had no words. 

andre: mouthed the words wow!

me: let’s call her.

because we as parents are with our kids day in and day out, i dont’ think we ever really realize the importance of having others (friends, aunts, uncles, g-mas, g-pas, surrogate family and special friends and such in the life of our children.  they remember people and how those special people make them feel no matter the amount of time they may get to see these people.  i will not forget that he loves his nana and he loves his grandnana very much and whether or not they are related biologically, they are definitely bonded by love.

so, anyway, we had a long day filled with fun and love.  i will defintiely consider doing the carnival thing again and i am grateful for the friends and family that were able to come and those that wish that they could have been there but were committed otherwise. lots of love

peace 2 ya

mommy’s day… May 12, 2008

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i’m sure that moms all over the world are being celebrated in one way or another. from the sweet and simple to the ultra elaborate.  it can be a really fun day for those with little ones like my little boobear (one day he’ll get me for that name).  he wrote a song for me that included the words mommy, momma, i, love and hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm.  a new ipod favorite! (teehee)

if you’re reading this and you’re a mommy – HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO YOU!!! i will spend the rest of the evening hanging out with my little buddy and thinking about my little angel in heaven.

who could resist this face to chase away the blues

the end of a work day and the beginning of a play date with this guy!

my vow of silence… May 10, 2008

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this is the start of my first full day of talking again.  not because i was so disciplined that i vowed silence to achieve some great enlightenment (perhaps i should try that though). however, i spent the whole week not talking mostly because it hurt like someone burned the first ten layers of the flesh from my throat  (okay, that sounded nasty…cuz it was ooooooooowwwwwww!!!!!!!) nothing was important enough for me to say that would be worth prolonging my healing of my raw and aching throat.

i haven’t blogged in a while so i guess now is a good time to express myself without talking by blogging hmmmmmm, a little backwards huh. (teehee)

anyhoo, i suddenly feel like continuing that vow of silence.  i don’t want to speak because i’m not sure what words will exit my brain and straight out of my mouth (without thinking first)

i dont’ want to talk because i miss this girl and my brain is so foggy that i have no words to speak.  as i sit on the sofa watching my four year old as he watches his saturday morning cartoon (remember doing that), i’m trying to figure out what he and i can do for mother’s day weekend.  thinking, thinking and more thinking….so i come up with our pre-scheduled trip for waffles at creme de la crumb and then a trip to the city on the train for some good conversation and a drink from here or here

planning my mother’s day took my mind off of my sadness for a second and not wanting to talk. but then i began to cry.  so as you can see this day is looking lovely already…up down, up down, up down withthe emotions.  anyhoo, without even knowing what was going on, my favorite boy in the whole world decided to give me my mother’s day present early. this really cheered me up (thank you God, your timing is fantastic!)

special mommy’s day gift (a flower picture holder with a special picture made by a. myles-preschool student)

 

    

grateful!!!

so my tears stopped and this face put a little sunshine back into my world…

slurrrrpppp…starbucks April 8, 2008

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okay, so i was watching nightline and one of the execs (i think) from starbucks was being interviewed.  i happened to come in at the end of the interview and heard him saying “we’re not in the coffee business serving people, we are in the people business serving coffee”.  i actually like that as a motto to go by for whatever your business is.  some people might hear that quote and think, of course they will say whatever you want to hear to get your 3, 4 or 5 dollars per yummy scrumptous specialty drink .  we all must admit that we keep on going back to starbucks or what some call st. arbucks (teehee).  i must say that when i am out shopping or out to eat or what have you, if you’re my service person and you’re nice, helpful, willing, patient, etc, just overall great in customer service, my wallet just falls open for you.  so i guess there is something to to be said for being in the people business serving or selling whatever you serve or sell.  people appreciate you connecting with them because it makes them feel that you care and usually they don’t mind paying for great service (or products). okay, so here’s an interesting question for you that are in ministry…how much better do you think people would respond to you if we took the approach of relating to them as a person vs trying to convince them of God.  i think that when you try to relate to people and their very real human needs, the God in you and the God that you serve becomes very apparent…no convincing needed.  i am not saying that it is simply put, but as you are trying to share your faith with others it is important that you see the person as Christ would see them and be just as gracious. just my thoughts. keep in mind that we all have our days and sometimes extra grace is requried:).

c ya. peace 2 ya. power to the people and all that stuff.                            toni

the miniature rock star… April 7, 2008

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okay, so my 4 year old wants to be a grown man and i desparately want to hang onto his babyhood which has left the train station smoking quite some time ago.  daily he tells me how he can’t wait to be 5 years old (mostly for the party), which is a constant reminder of how i need to make sure that i am fully engaged while he still doesn’t mind kissing his mommy in front of his friends.  anyhoo, my boy is living between a world of being a “rock star” (self proclaimed) and thomas the tank engine trains.  btw, he is now sight reading music in his guitar lessons! woohoo!!! the time is whizzzzzzzzinnnnngggggg by so i better pay attention.  i’ve gotta go now cuz apparently i’m one of the characters in his play about jonah.  you know how sometimes “strangely” wise things come out of the mouths of babes, well, i wonder who he will cast me as…one of the people from ninevah??? (teehee). anyhoo, gotta go play now. c ya.

toni

hymns on the news… April 4, 2008

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okay, so i was watching the news (is the today show the news?) anyhoo, i was watching a news show and they were doing a special piece on the anniversary of martin luther king jr’s assassination and as they segued out to commercial they were playing the instrumental version of the hymn “be thou my vision”…whatttttt!!!! you mean they didn’t play some sentimental pop song? i’m not disappointed in fact I LOVED IT!!! anyhoo, i can’t help but to wonder if whoever put that piece together must have been thinking about where we have been as a country, where we are and where we are headed and the first thing that came to mind was a desire for the the Lord’s direction in our “what next” as a country.  i immediately thought of praying for our leaders and country after seeing that piece and hearing that song, i hope they (the producers) did too.  c ya

crazy mother… March 26, 2008

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okay, so i was up late in the night and one of my favorite movies came on tv…”divine secrets of the ya ya sisterhood”.  vivian (one of the main characters) was for sure a crazy mother. if you’ve never watched this movie it really is about a crazy mother.  if you think your mother had a couple of off days , yelling spells, perfection gone mad days, over the top hormonal meltdowns, i am woman hear me roar moments, i am the queen bee and you will listen to me moments or if she was simply just checked out on life at times (or most times)…whether you know it or not, there is always something that is behind it all.  most moms i know are something to be admired for the strength that they displayed in the face of raising their children.  yet in the dysfunction of all that may have happened in growing up in the fore-mentioned emotional or unemotional environment, most of us don’t know what is sometimes behind those behaviors (there is sometimes a dark side).  if those patterns of behaviors never change in them, as we become adults it has the potential to rip or destroy the very fabric of the mother / child relationship we have with our mothers.  so, what is one to do about such a relationship?????? some parents (when they were growing up or even as they were raising children) were pushed to the point that the bottom dropped out for them but they carried on in life as if nothing ever happened.  lots of them (mothers) have lived that way and still do. we have to chose to make peace with who they are as our parents, honor them and create a relationship that is healthy for you and them as adults.  it may not mean the kind of relationship you fantasize about but it will mean that you can begin to work on your heart and how you approach things with your mother/parents, you will be able to stick to healthy boundaries even if the boundaries are not mother approved.  remember she’s not perfect and neither are we. so i say allow God to work on our heart even if we don’t think God is working on hers.  we will begin to see things so differently and in the midst of it all, we can find peace and know boundaries even if the relationship is not what we hope for.

at some point in the movie vivian finally admitted that she “dropped her basket” in essence…she went crazy.  i know a mother or more that dropped her basket at some point in life but will never admit to it.  does yours ever admit to a bit of the crazies at times? would you admit to it if you “dropped your basket”????? anyhoo, i could just ramble on and on about this but i’ve gotta finish watching the movie…c ya

easter…all about a man, all about a cross March 26, 2008

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okay, so reflecting on easter and i have had a light bulb moment. i’m not sure when this happened but in my thoughts i have been relating everything in ministry to the way Christ lived and the ever important significance of how and why he died.  it’s not that i did not know it before now, it’s just that something happened as i was planning for the easter week/weekend worship happenings, music, etc.  everything went soooo beyond planning and became like an experience.  i can honestly say that when planning services or thinking about the details i did not always have an emotional connection.  over the past few weeks, i literally had an emotional and contemplative connection to each thing that happened.  i have this thing about being awake for life, fully in the moment, connected to what you do and when you find yourself in that place it almost seems as if your whole life is an experience-good, bad or indifferent. i feel like my responses are more thought out or maybe i’m just getting better at responding more thoughtfully.  at any rate, have you wanted so badly for God to change your heart, your thoughts, your ways and such but wasn’t quite sure when it would happen?  i think it happens when we totally surrender our life…like for real.  if you ever doubt the love of Christ for you, me and others like you or unlike you…no more doubting because He really went far to show us how worth it we all are.  so as i reflect on easter, i can’t seem to get one of my favorite songs “ever live without me” out of my head (check out the video).  i would sing it for you but this video and original artists does a better job (teehee). although this is a dramatic retelling of the story,  the words and the pictures still capture it.

hanging with my peeps… March 25, 2008

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 so, we all know that easter is not about the bunny or the candy or the shiny grass or the glazed ham,mashed potatoes or warm buttered rolls (mmmmmmm-warm buttered rolls). but that certainly does not stop us from indulging in the fun of it all.  i think that i have eaten sooo much food and an abundance of candy that i woke up dizzy (literally) , can you say sugar buzz?.  of course because i’m a sugarholic, i had less of the food and more of the peeps, jelly beans, malted eggs, more peeps and even more peeps.  there is nothing like a marshmallow covered in granulated colored sugar. anyhoo, i’m just rambling as i sit here raiding my 4 year old son’s candy stash from easter and eat more malted eggs, jelly beans and now i’m eyeing the peeps again…mmmmmmmmm!

be healed!!! March 9, 2008

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okay, so like i have a four year old that’s all boy and full of testosterone. which means he’s always playing rough and banging and falling and jumping and running and stuff like that.  so as he tried to demonstrate or “impress” a little girl he was playing with he bounced down on his little knee really hard, so hard that he actually hurt it to the point of limping for a couple of days.  anyhoo, today after taking a long nap, his daddy asked him if he was feeling better and here was his response (no kidding) “yes, my knee feels better, God sent an angel down from heaven to make my knee feel better and now it does. i prayed and  now it’s all healed up, you know i always do that (pray).” then he continued to eat his macaroni as if he hadn’t just impressed or surprised mommy and daddy (more importantly, he wasn’t even trying to).   i say that this is a kid who really believes all that he is taught in children’s church and he really takes it all to heart.  i certainly hope that it never leaves him. how many of us live so totally uninhibited that we just aren’t ashamed to say what we believe as it relates to the power of Christ?

it’s the law! March 6, 2008

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little-mr.jpg

 

 new law maker???

i’m not sure if any of you have heard or not but my little four year old has just announced to me that there is a law and apparently i must have missed the memo that stated this. here is the deal…my little bear was running down the stairs and fell from the landing and his fall was broken by my guitar that was fortunately (or unfortunately?) at the end of the staircase. as he was screaming bloody murder, i scooped him up, held him tight and applied a cold pack to his poor little throbbing head.  as he sat there and sobbed and sobbed and the tears started to subside a little, he decided that his fall was my fault.  all of a sudden i hear, “mommy, why weren’t you watching me. you are supposed to watch me walk down the stairs. it’s the law! the law is that parents are supposed to watch their children walk down the stairs, and you didn’t do that. next time momma, will you watch me walk down the stairs? okay.” then he said, “when daddy sees me, he is going to be sad.” he’s only four and he’s already trying to state the law and then appeal to the people’s emotions.  maybe he’s all caught up in this political season but he’s picked up some stuff.

first, thank God he only scrapped his head on the guitar case and only got a little bump.  second, when is it my fault that he decided to do stunts down the staircase. can somebody remind me of that laws of parenting?

toooooo loud!!!! March 3, 2008

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call me a dreamer or eternally optimistic (most times) but i love to think crazy big dreams and think optimistically rather than to stay in a mediocre state of mind or state of being. have you ever had someone try to put a lid on your over the top dreaming?  i thought of this question as i was in costco. if you’re ever in costco, as you walk in they have these large screen and flat screen televisions usually with some exciting sporting event or movie playing so that you can get the sound and the feel and pretty much so that you can “get the big picture” (no pun intended) of this surround sound theatre like effect in your own home.  anyhoo, as i was standing there checking out a movie on one of the screens, one of the store clerks comes over and turns down the volume to something less than what human ears can hear.  this totally changed the experience for me.  if i was in the market to make a purchase for one of these hot electronic items his action would have caused me to suddenly change my mind and rethink the notion of whether i need it or not.  the point of selling something like that is not to get them to rethink buying, it would be to get people more excited about wanting the item even if it’s not on their agenda, right? i’m sure what he did was not what “mr. costco” had in mind when he had things set up to engulf you with the sound and crisp clear picture to peak your interest.  as this store clerk turned down the volume he whispered something under his breath like “that’s too much, too loud”).  hummph, too much too loud??!!?? what kinda store clerk does that?  it just made me think of something i’ve encountered at different times in life…to never give in to someone telling you that the dream, the vision, the passion that God put in you to do BIG things or creative things or exciting things is too much, too, loud, too big.  if ever someone attempts to put a lid on or mellow you out…don’t give into it!!!  DREAM BIG, LIVE BIG, PRAY FOR GOD TO TRANSFORM YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT SO THAT YOU CAN DO THE BIG, CREATIVE AND EXCITING THINGS THAT HE HAS CALLED YOU TO!!! you may think that what you do for others is simple, but as you make a mark in someone else’s life you may never see or know the lasting and sometimes big effect it may have in their life.  so, go BIG or go home.  never let naysayers and irritated people cause you to doubt some of the unique things that burn within you.  all the bumps and the bruises of life…you will inevitably survive and thrive from. you can show others that there is hope and no matter what may come,  you still can do BIG things, EXCITING things, CREATIVE things (you get the picture)