my secret celebration…

okay, so the other day i had my own little secret celebration.  it just so happen to be the day that easter fell on this year.  it was a day that i was able to breathe just a little bit easier.  i needed to know that i could see a certain day happen and i needed to get over a certain hump.  and…i did!  well, i wasn’t necessarily the who did it but it was a special blessing given to me. 

you see, i’m expecting  to give birth to a new little one really really really soon.  so soon that i am a little behind on my to do list.  anyhoo, i have been very nervous but definitely looking forward to the new baby’s arrival.  i do not know what to expect and how my life is going to change, but i’m excited and ready to celebrate my new family.

my secret celebration before the celebration on baby’s arrival day was the fact that i made it past a certain date in my pregnancy.  you see, i lost my little amber lynn and couldn’t bring her home with me.  she was, as myles would say, “she fell fast asleep.”  she was in jesus’ arms right away, BUT i got a chance to hold her in my arms too.  this past easter sunday we celebrated the resurrection of christ and i also had a bit of a resurrection of my own.  it was the resurrection of my heart as i met with the day that was a milestone in my pregnancy with amber lynn.  for all of these past months i have been holding my breath but i did not know exactly why i was holding my breath.  i soon figured out that it was not the many many many doc appointments that were going to help me have a peace of mind, but it was something deep within me that had to know that my broken heart could be resurrected.  what’s really interesting is that date and day fell on easter.  as we sometimes say at my hou seon easter sunday,  “happy resurrection day”.  iand t was indeed a resurrection of sorts for me.  i do know that there will still be sad days and moments just as there will be happy memories, days, moments and a happy life.  this was a pivotal day for me and i was happy to be able to celebrate it in secret.  no one knew what i was thinking and how i was feeling and i appreciated having that special moment all by myself.  it was a time and moment that was all mine…and hers.

in my house she is a natural part of our family just as all of the rest of us.  we had lots of activities over the weekend and on easter sunday one of the things that we do is to make an afternoon trip to the cemetary where we go and visit.  myles looks forward to taking a little easter basket out and chill for a bit.  for him, this is something that he looks forward to and of course, the fact that he gets a chance to inhale sweets galore once we get there.

so, as i reflect on my secret celebration and embrace the sweet memories of her, i am breathing a little easier and looking forward to adding one more to our family of four.

sweet cheeks