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angels… January 31, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in children.
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it’s been about three years. everyday i still think of my little angel.  how she would be, how she would talk, how she would walk and what fun she would have with her brother.  sometimes if i let my imagination “go there”, i can almost feel her presence.  sometimes if i close my eyes and snuggle in my blanket with my eyes clothes, i actually think that i could live in that space. imagining and dreaming of the wonderful world it would be to see her prancing around in her tutu, ballet slippers and little league jersey.  interesting combination huh.  one day i actually envisioned her as a little ballerina tomboy.

today was just “one of those days” for me.  you know, one of those days when you just feel all melancholy and a bit sad and you want to be alone.  i was missing my baby girl.  you see, she’s in heaven.  and this was the kind of day that her being in heaven was just not good enough. 

the other day, i was speaking with a friend on the phone and we were talking about myles’ (my five year old) report card from kindergarten.  his grades were mostly 4s which would translate to an a, a few 3s which would translate to a grade of b and then there was one c on his entire report card.  the question that my friend and everyone else wanted to know was, why the one c and what subject was it in.  i told her that it was in coloring and she laughed as everyone else did.  the laughter was because she knew that there was a story behind this.  according to the teacher, he is not as neat as he could be when working on coloring in his classwork.  his response to me was “well, i’m a professional”.  this, for myles, translates into him saying that he will do whatever he wants because he doesn’t want to listen to directions in his creativity.  so for the teacher, this translates into a note at the bottom of the report card that read, “myles is a pleasure to have in class.  he is a great student.  i would like for him to work on neatness with his coloring”.  myles was very much so unaffected by the neatness comment.  he also reminded me of his professional status in art…that would be my myles.

anyhoo, as my friend and i were continuing the conversation, she said, “i wonder how amber would be?” i bet she would give you guys a run for your money, i bet she would be in charge around there.”  before i could even speak, i felt like the breath of life left me for a moment.  someone was actually not afraid to speak my baby girl’s name and talk about life and her and what it could possibly have been.  this was such a blessed conversation and totally out of the box for my friend, who most always chooses what she says carefully or chooses not to show much emotion as to not hurt one’s feelings.  i didn’t know what to say, so i laughed nervously for a moment.   was quite excited that someone else wanted to share thoughts of her.  it was quite interesting because i have often thought that she would be cute, sassy and in charge.  after i got past the initial shock and excitement the conversation continued.

my angel baby is never far from my thoughts.  i don’t have the words to say what it meant to know others (my dear friend, in particular)thinks of her and how she would fit into our family dynamic. 

today at church, myles made a project that was a – trust box.  he was so excited and couldn’t wait to get home and put some things inside of it.  as we drove home, we were talking to him about his little project and he said a couple of interesting things.  he said that he was going to put a note inside to the lord, asking him to help him grow big and strong and able to do things for himself.  the other thing he said he was going to ask for was to bring his sister down from heaven so that he can play with her.  he said that he didn’t want her up there.  after his dad talked to him about that for a minute, he then said that he wanted to go into heaven to see her and bring her back down here with him.

if only my little buddy knew that that same day, i was wishing i could bring her down here to play with her too.  sigh.

i figured out that i can still have peace but at the same time allow myself to have whatever the feelings i have at the moment.  it’s pretty much because i have hope.  i have hope for my future and what it can be.  i have faith and trust in the provisions of god.  i know that there will days like this.  but i also know that it’s okay that i have days like this because…it just is.  and it’s okay.

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snow, snow, don’t go away…yet January 29, 2009

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we’ve had some great snow this winter.  though it has been colder than a witches broom, we can’t help but to be out in it.  i’ve even gotten my myles and his little neighbor buddy uninhibited on the sled hills. 

by winter’s end, i think we will have had enough of  sledding.  next winter we will be all about snowboarding!  can i do that with a five year old?  who knows, but he’s going anyway.  i’m not even sure that i should be snowboarding, because sometimes i’m so clumsyi’m not as steady on my feet.  just call me grace:).   since i’m a slight adrenaline junkie, i can’t help but go for the rush down the hill (all the while thinking about absolutely nothing!!!) with the wind on my face.  aaaaahhh, exhilarating! today, going down the sled hill i hit a bump.  i think my insides shifted a bit.  i think i’m gettin’ a too old for this. NOT! 🙂

anyhoo, i say…if it’s gong to be cold, bring on the snow.  without the snow, winter is just a cold boring few months of staying inside doing nada, or as myles would say, “that’s just ridiculous!”

so, snow snow, don’t go away yet.  however, when you do go away, be sure to take all of winter with you!

fight with rush limbaugh???… January 29, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in political fighting, rush limbaugh, what the heck.
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okay, so, rush limbaugh says things that are controversial and over the top to some and others think that he is right on.  he is entitled to his opinions, right?  WHO CARES!  he gets paid to be controversial.  though it would be really nice to get paid millions for your opnion, ya know.  IT’S ONE MAN’S OPINION.  remember that. 

so, why do people fight with rush limbaugh?  why do people get so “up in arms” about ol’ rush?  if something makes your ears hurt or bleed…turn it off, right?

stop fighting with rush before you pop a vein.  🙂

peace to the people

yo, donkey butt, i love you anyway! January 27, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, growth, i'm just sayin', life.
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did you know that you can love a jack a–?  i knew that, but it is really hard to love someone who you think is a complete and utter jack a–.

who the heck am i?  i’m the person that calls you a donkey butt under my breath while i pray that God really helps me to show you grace.  that sounds really jacked up huh?  i know it does but i am flawed and trying to get it right. so bear with me here.

i’m working really hard to show grace, know grace and take in the total experience of grace, these days.  if you don’t know what i’m talking about, just spend a whole day showing grace to people without getting bent out of shape whether it be in traffic, at the grocery store, in the walmart or target or in the ten items or less line while the person in front of you has 25 items and you have only two items and you’re running late.   oooooh ooooooh, here’s a good one, how about spending lots of time in heavy traffic, you get cut off and the other driver gives YOU the finger while nearly wrecking your ride.  don’t you just feel like returning the finger hand of grace to them?  normally i don’t feel all that compelled to be grace filled or merciful.  then one day i realized that things were just starting to really bug me and  i found myself to be  such an irritated person…a lot. by the way, i only shared the more tame of donkey butt moves that bug me.

so the tough realizations that i came to were that 1) i am not perfect… (what?) 2) other people were not worth the creases in my face…cuz seriously, i don’t want wrinkles (i’m too cute for that) 3) i was starting to always sweat the small stuff…ugh

so, here’s the deal folks, 1) drop your expectation for people to act/be the way you want for them to be.  2) you never know what someone is going through that makes them react the way that they may be reacting 3) chill out, life is too short for the stress….just let it go 4) guess what, one day you may be the donkey butt that will need the grace…so give it if you want to get it!

just doing a little self eval, looking to improve my quality of life.  until next time…c ya!!!

“…party like a rock star, party like a rock star, party like a rock star” January 21, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in 1, inauguration happenings.
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so, we had lots of fun on inauguration night.  just as they were celebrating in d.c., we had a little ball of our own.  myles was soooo excited.  it was family fun night so we just incorporated the happenings of the day as our theme.  we invited our next door neighbors and had our own rendition of the inauguration ball at the  same time as our new president.

there was dinner (with the good dishes), music, desert, dancing and more noise than i thought 3 children could make. 

i’m so proud of myself.  (tooting my own horn here) i’ve gotten pretty good at putting together a night of fun…on the cheap and at the last minute. yay me.

front row seat for the swearing in ceremony…

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myles welcoming his guest for the evening…

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dinner time…

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apparently, i missed the memo that christmas is over.  (see the christmas decor in the middle of the table:)…

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hand dipped chocolate covered pretzels (a bit of sweet and a bit of salty).   told ya, i’m getting good at this

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group shot of myles, daddy and friends

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time to dance…robot time!

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overwhelmed!!! January 20, 2009

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i know that this day is soooo exciting for lots of people including me.  i can’t even phathom what the obamas are feeling or thinking.  it would be soooo fantastic to just hang out with some of the civil rights activists / icons to just get a glimpse into what this means to them that were there when this was not possible. now it has happened! wow!  i bet my mom and dad are crying right now because they know first hand how BIG this is.

pray for peace.  i truly appreciate those who came before me.

yep, i can really appreciate that… January 19, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in 1, growth, hmmmmm, life, what the heck.
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just some curious thoughts of mine before i celebrate tomorrow.

perhaps i’m a little confused, but what is the issue with a few folks i know and then some that i don’t know all of a sudden living in fear of their life and thinking that it’s the end times because barack obama will be in the white house.  thank god i don’t pledge allegiance to one party or the other.  i’ve heard and seen some pretty disappointing stuff come out of people simply to uphold their ‘party’s” views. 

i’m not sure what to think, but, a surprising amount of my christian ummmmm, friends, are spewing hate because of this.  i have been surprised by stuff before, but what i’ve been witness to has been, ummmm, it has been ummmmm…crappy, to say the least.  i must admit that i was a bit heated by it, at first.  now, i think i have an idea of why there had to be an “i have a dream”.    

regarding obama, i don’t agree with everything, every policy, every decision nor do i agree with every action.  but, i can certainly appreciate a change.  and it’s not simply because he is our first brown president.  this is historical, exciting and i and my family can truly appreciate some pretty significant meaning in all of this. you’ve gotta be a pretty closed off person to not have just a a bit of hope for a bit of movement within this country.  oh well. 

i can appreciate celebrating how far this country has come…thus far.  and yes, we can stand to go quite a bit further. 

i use to almost feel self conscious of speaking on this topic at all.  i was a little self-conscious of how someone would interpret my words. now i don’t care mind. teehee.  it was almost like i should be ashamed of simply expressing my view point.  but, i have come to realize that i can express my views and not be angry.  i can agree or disagree and still be okay with another person.  i have just sat back and realized that if you let people talk long enough they will reveal a few things about themselves and their thoughts.  and no, you won’t ever really need to qualify the junk they say with a response (sometimes most times).

i can appreciate people of all races cheering on a man whose heritage use to be considered three-fifths a person.  true history.

i can appreciate how history is changing. not because of color. i think that it’s changing because of love.

i can appreciate my little five year old who can get along in any environment and happy to be with you just because you’re a person.

i can appreciate my little five year old who is very proud to be brown and very excited when he sees one on the television or comes into contact with another brown face.  he doesn’t see many that often, but he certainly gets happy and proud when he does. 

i appreciate renewed energy, passion. let’s pray that truth and love and honesty and humanity and righteousness and equality and balance and restoration and such happens over these next four years and beyond. 

i can appreciate that each president has brought something to the table.  some have brought a little bit under the table while bringing something to the table.  🙂

i can appreciate that i can’t do the job and  won’t act like the world is coming to an end because i don’t agree.

i can appreciate that God is the one in charge and we can live how he wants for us to.

i can appreciate living in faith and not fear.

i can appreciate living in a country where there is freedom.

i can appreciate more change and growth happening for this country.

i can appreciate understanding  or enlightenment.

i can appreciate living to love.

i can appreciate forgiving and moving on.

i can appreciate growth.

i can appreciate life in a whole new way.  not because of the election but because of my life’s experiences…it’s a must that i appreciate the experiences of life (doesn’t mean i have to always like it though). smile

we’re going to the inaugural ball… January 19, 2009

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, children, history, inauguration happenings, my ramblings..., new president.
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 yes! the 2009 inaugural ball for president obama…we’re going.

myles  is excited, i’m excited…we’re all excited! 

hmmmm…does this mean i have to wear panty hose? teehee

stay tuned for pictures from our time at the ball.  i’m so glad that he is alert and aware and excited about this really historic and important time in history for him.  it’s really fun to have a kid who is so passionate and eager to participate in what’s happening around him.

this is one time he is not going to mind dressing like steve harvey. teehee  (see post: “i’m sick of looking like an old man”)

new specs… January 17, 2009

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the baby, who is not a baby any longer and hasn’t been for a while ( i guess i better stop calling him that)…now has glasses!  my little myles is so excited that he will now be wearing glasses like some of his friends.  my response is more like sniff sniff.  thankfully, the prescription is very weak and he only needs them for one of his eyes and to read.  i guess that i am a bit sad because it’s yet another thing that reminds me that HE’S GROWING UP!!!  he is really cute in his new glasses.  he’s so proud of them and i think that he has the idea that a pair of glasses is what makes one have vision like a super hero.  teehee.  i won’t tell him otherwise.

aint he cute y’all? (of course he is!)

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seriously, i had to post this picture (below).  he was posing for this picture to show me how he was going to pose when he got his new glasses.  i asked him about the finger and he told me that it’s his thinking pose.  thank God that myles is totally unaware of what other poeple think when they use that finger.  really, i thought it was funny and the poor boy was innocent and clueless! teehee.

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it’s 2009…woooooooooooohoooooooo!!! January 1, 2009

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okay, so as i let the air out of 2008, it is time to exhale.  there’s just something about a new year that screams fresh start!!!  new year, new things, new thoughts, new perspective, new energy, new way to do whatever it is that you’re doing that is not working for ya.  forget the new year’s resolution stuff.  i say that you get up everyday in whatever state your life is in and tackle your day in the best possible way you can.  if your expectations are not met, know that you did your best and find peace at the end of your day.  what do ya think?  i’m all about letting myself off the hook from crazy expectations of mine and others. 

i’ve got lots of things that i want to do and there has been lots that i let hold me back.  so here’s the deal, i am quirky, spontaneous, sometimes overly analytical, kind, moody, smart (but most times i really doubt if i am) and i am a well meaning person.  obviously, that is not all of who i am but i’m going to be happy with me, work really hard to be content in all of my situations (Philippians 4:11), embrace my quirks and oh yeah, i’ll try to be more succinct.  me, more succinct? yeah, okay.  only when necessary.  is it ever necessary? teehee

so, yay for 2009 and beyond.  i’m ready for the challenges and the triumphs.  i plan to handle things with grace.  if i don’t accomplish the grace thing, i’ll do what i always do, laugh at it! teehee

peace out!