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baby countdown… April 26, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in baby news, my joy!.
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by the way, i have three weeks to go before baby comes!!!  my first appointment for this week went well and all looks good thus far.  my iron levels are starting to increase…yay!!!  praying for it to be as high as possible. i do not want a blood transufsion so i am inhaling all iron rich foods except for red meat and i’m taking vitamin c to help with the absorption. 

i double checked the birth day plans with the doc and how quickly i can get the heck out of the hospital and get rollin’ rollin’ rollin’. 

i’m so excited.  BUT, the end of it all is going too fast.  i love my round belly bump.  yes, the bump  that’s causing me not to be able to bend forward.  i guess all this fun shall pass in THREE WEEKS.  aaaaahhhhhh!

baby’s coming…baby’s coming!

you wanna know how prepared i am?  i just bought my diaper/baby bag and it’s stuffed with the paper that came with it :).  woohoo.  i think that’s all i need. teehee


nursing a six-year old… April 26, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in my boy.
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i’m absolutely planning to nurse for as long as i can. it’s healthy, there’s no expense because you get the milk for free.  and so on and so forth.  however, i draw the line at six-year old boys nursing.  in some countries or somewhere in the world i know that it may not be strange at all for kids beyond the age of 1 and 1/2 to 2 years old to nurse, BUT a six-year old man-child should not be  cozying up to momma for what he can get out of a glass jar in the fridge. 

why am i talking about this?  well, i know he must have been joking, but my six-year old asked me if he gets to nurse when the baby nurses.  i laughed.  he smiled and looked at me as if he meant for me to answer the question.  huh?!  so i told him that he was done nursing a long long time ago.  he just looked at me (with a smirk on his face) and said, ” i still remember nursing, it tastes like organic milk.”  so yes, i did laugh.  and yes, he was serious.  he does drink organic milk but he couldn’t possibly remember that detail about nursing milk…or could he? 

anyhoo, i love him to pieces, but i am not that maternal…i did know of someone from the countyside that did feel ummm, maternal or something like that, that she actually did nurse or soothe her big kid.  by big kid, i mean six or seven years old.  i have no words. okay, just two words…heeeeeccccckkkk no! teehee.   whether he was joking or not…he aint getting momma’s milk. 🙂

just a few weeks to go… April 21, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in baby news, my joy!.
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okay, so i have just a few weeks to go.  in fact, may 17th at 7:30 am, baby will be on the way.  ready or not may 17th he or she will be in my arms.  yay!!!  though it will be via c-section, so what, who cares…i’m still excited.

a few weeks to go:  i am more than excited as i write this.  but, as i’m looking at my lists, there is a brief moment of panic.  i’m surprised that my heart rate checks are quite normal at my doc’s appt.  GOT. LOTS. TO. DO.  if i don’t clear out all of my spring cleaning junk by thursday, it’s all going to the curb in time for the garbage man. no joke.

a few weeks to go: i’ve got butterflies just thinking about trotting about with two kids in tow.  butterflies, just thinking about smelling the fresh scent of a new baby.  butterflies, just to hold a tiny warm body and snuggle him/her.  butterflies, just to forget about the rest of the world and all the duties that await me as i completely focus on the baby.  oh wait, i’m not sure if i can forget about all else, but it is a nice thought anyway.  butterflies, just thinking about waking up in the middle of the night to soothe the baby and then sitting there holding the baby in the still of the night…just me and the baby. *dreamy sigh*

a few weeks to go:  in the midst of all this baby excitement, life’s challenges are coming fast and furiously.  the happy, the fun, the sad and the disappointing, all at the same time.  oh well, i say.  such is life.  all i can do is breathe, meditate, pray, work on my to do lists and relax.  i can’t stress too much about all the ills of life that’s going on, so i say to it all…oh, well. sounds like a good plan, right?

a few weeks to go and i’ve still not taken studio pics of me and my swollen belly.  i don’t think i’ll get around to that, so these homemade backyard pics will just have to do.  i like them.  it’s me, my boy and my baby belly bump.

big lips and babies pt. 2… April 20, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, baby news, he said what?, hmmmmm.
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okay, so i was preparing to head out to run errands, get the car fixed, pick up a few items, place online orders, and continue the long process of spring cleaning.  these are the things on my to do list.  as i was brushing my teeth before heading out the door i flipped the t.v. to the oprah show.  lo’ and behold it was octomom!  she’s back on t.v.  anyhoo, i was very interested in seeing what ‘ol nadya suleman is up to these days (i’ve nicknamed her big lips and babies ‘cuz, well, you know…she’s got plenty-o-lips  and plenty-o-babies). 

so i took a few minutes to watch the circus that is here life.  i don’t mean that in any way that is demeaning but she even says how crazy it is.  but, i admire the fact that she still has a bit of her sanity left.  oh my gosh, 14 kids from the age of 8 and under with 6 infant/toddlers in the mix.  insert:  head spin!!!!!!! she doesn’t have a partner/husband to take some of the stress and strain that comes with parenting and relying on for simple emotional support, which is sometimes a strain for women with a partner/husband or single moms with only a small amount of kids. i say God bless this poor woman and her brood to be okay and to come out on top. 

i must say that as she was speaking she sounded as if she has taken an introspective and retrospective look at things and knows that she went into this whole situation with thinking that was unrealistic.  she also seems to not be in denial about anything (anymore), but she does seem to be fully aware of the real needs of her family and the long road ahead of her.  i. just. can. not. fathom. the. amount. of. stress.  if i could i would send help to this little village. i’m not even kidding, really, i would.  right now i can’t so, for now, i send my prayers.  i was exhausted just watching the show.

speaking of more children…

as i await the soon to come due date of my new little one, i’m in a whirlwind of emotional highs and lows and brain cell loss and all else that comes with the final countdown.  though my head is still spinning from watching the show with the “little village” that is octomom’s house, i am excited to be adding to my crew too.  bringing new life into the world is beyond amazing and it really is the chance of a lifetime.  i have my myles, my amber (in heaven) and this sweet baby coming in a few weeks.  at one of my last doc appointments the doc that i’ve known for ten years says to me, “we have your c-section scheduled and i want to know if you have considered having a tubiligation?  i just sat there.  he turned around and looked at me to see if i was awake or if i had heard the question.  i was thinking to myself, the nerve of him asking me that question.  he went on to explain to me why he was asking and that if i wanted it done it would be a good idea to do it while he’s doing the c-section.  so, in essence, that would be a tremendous high and low all in the same day.  at least for me it would be. 

that was over a week ago that he asked me that question and i still cannot wrap my brain or emotions around it.  i said to him, “but that’s so…permanent” and he said to me in a very slow answer, “yes, that is the point of it.”  he went on to explain why he mentioned it and within his response he included my age.  ugh! whaddaya mean!!! i am still hot to trot.  “really, my body can still do this, i’ve only gained 12.5 pounds in all and i can still shuck and jive with the best of them” is what i really wanted to tell him (maybe i did say that, i don’t remember).  i am still in shock…how. dare. he. ask. me. that.  the. nerve.  i say that tongue in cheek  because i really do trust his opinions or suggestion.  he is a good doc and is leaving the decision up to me.  plus, if i left it up to him, he would be slicin’ and dicin’.

do i want more babies?  hmmmmmmm

the next time he asks me to confirm whether i am going to have the surgery or not…my answer, “if you touch my tubes you die!”  teehee. just kidding, kind of. 

i wonder if other women have had this much trouble deciding on whether or not to chop the tubes, burn the ends of them or whatever it is that they do while you’re under the knife.

speaking of my doc, he’s just concerned. speaking of me, i. am. freaked. out!!!!!! i. want. my. tubes!!!! i want them even if i don’t want more children.  do i want more children? i don’t know.  i wonder if men have the same trepidation when presented with the “opportunity” to have someone introduce a surgical knife to their woohoos? 

listen up doc, i am not the octomom, i don’t have the brood that i want yet.  back off my tube, man!

until next time,

c ya…hopefully with tubes in tow

humanity… April 13, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in hmmmmm, i'm just sayin'.
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i’m down to five -four weeks to go.  i’m excited and nervous and excited.  did i say excited?  this could possibly be the last time i get to have this opportunity of a lifetime…being pregnant, that is.  anyhoo,  i’m going to make sure that i don’t take this time for granted.  i’m doing well and enjoying my expanding belly.  i enjoy the fact that i can still wear my 3 inches (heels, of course) this late in the game.  i’m up 15 pounds and down to 4-5 hours of sleep. 

now, about that sleep thing, i hear that pregnant women sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep.  whatever the percentage of pregnant women that would be…i have joined the ranks of them.  not happily, i might add.  i’ve been told that somehow this gets your body ready for when you have to stay up late nights or get up late nights with your brand spanking new baby.  ugh.  i don’t want my body to get prepared for this.  i would much rather be thrown right into after the baby’s birth day.  ya know!

anyhoo, as i am up late nights, i sit there and make lists of things that i have to do but never really get to complete.  i would use the time to clean, but it would require that i stand up from my lazy comfortable spot in the bed or the ahem, more comfortable sofa.  so, instead of doing something more ummmm, constructive, i watch pbs, the news, or the andy griffith show.  (what did you say?  interesting choice of shows..i know, right. but, when you have limited t.v. channels, i mean antennae service only then your options are not that grand.  teehee)  anyhoo, it probably doesn’t matter because i am a big fan of the programs on pbs anyway.

so, i was up late, bright-eyed and busy-tailed and so excited to be half asleep yet wide awake.  anyhoo, i flipped the t.v. channel to pbs and tuned right to the movie “the diary of anne frank”.  wow, is all i have to say.  we all love a happy hollywood ending, but we know that this is not how this particular  story ends.  i am compelled to go back and read the book again.  what strikes me is the loss of so much of a people’s history.  loss of life.  loss of what could be.  loss of what could have been.  no matter how much i wanted to ignore the end of the story, no matter how much i know the end of the story…i still gasped as i read the names and faces of each person and the date of their demise.  it reminded me of the stories of those who didn’t make it through the ill-fated times of slavery.  it really made me wonder about humanity.  humankind.  human beings. 

i still don’t understand war, though, i do admire and pray for the strength of those patriotic enough to defend the freedoms of this country.  i don’t understand hatred, yet, i have to forgive those who hate and act and speak out of hatred. it makes me a little sad that even still today, some people have to hide or feel self-conscious or wish to be something other than who they as they exist in their environment.  my son is only six years old and he already recognizes the vast difference between him and most of the enviroment in which he lives.  he has also experienced what it is like to be treated a little bit different from others around him.  it’s my job to help him navigate his way through the world in which we live…he lives.  it’s also my job to show him how to not to join the ranks of those who treat others in an in humane way.  generally speaking, i’ve learned how to contain myself quite a bit as i see and/or experience injustice.  i don’t understand much of injustice…if any at all.  but, i hope that we can act, live and be more humane to each other and more tolerable of our differences than we are ugly and cruel to each other… simply because sometimes we think we are better than the next man/woman…human.

…all this came to mind at 3:30 am after watching pbs.  ugh…i’ve gotta get more sleep.

until next time

c ya

my secret celebration… April 7, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in my baby, my boy.
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okay, so the other day i had my own little secret celebration.  it just so happen to be the day that easter fell on this year.  it was a day that i was able to breathe just a little bit easier.  i needed to know that i could see a certain day happen and i needed to get over a certain hump.  and…i did!  well, i wasn’t necessarily the who did it but it was a special blessing given to me. 

you see, i’m expecting  to give birth to a new little one really really really soon.  so soon that i am a little behind on my to do list.  anyhoo, i have been very nervous but definitely looking forward to the new baby’s arrival.  i do not know what to expect and how my life is going to change, but i’m excited and ready to celebrate my new family.

my secret celebration before the celebration on baby’s arrival day was the fact that i made it past a certain date in my pregnancy.  you see, i lost my little amber lynn and couldn’t bring her home with me.  she was, as myles would say, “she fell fast asleep.”  she was in jesus’ arms right away, BUT i got a chance to hold her in my arms too.  this past easter sunday we celebrated the resurrection of christ and i also had a bit of a resurrection of my own.  it was the resurrection of my heart as i met with the day that was a milestone in my pregnancy with amber lynn.  for all of these past months i have been holding my breath but i did not know exactly why i was holding my breath.  i soon figured out that it was not the many many many doc appointments that were going to help me have a peace of mind, but it was something deep within me that had to know that my broken heart could be resurrected.  what’s really interesting is that date and day fell on easter.  as we sometimes say at my hou seon easter sunday,  “happy resurrection day”.  iand t was indeed a resurrection of sorts for me.  i do know that there will still be sad days and moments just as there will be happy memories, days, moments and a happy life.  this was a pivotal day for me and i was happy to be able to celebrate it in secret.  no one knew what i was thinking and how i was feeling and i appreciated having that special moment all by myself.  it was a time and moment that was all mine…and hers.

in my house she is a natural part of our family just as all of the rest of us.  we had lots of activities over the weekend and on easter sunday one of the things that we do is to make an afternoon trip to the cemetary where we go and visit.  myles looks forward to taking a little easter basket out and chill for a bit.  for him, this is something that he looks forward to and of course, the fact that he gets a chance to inhale sweets galore once we get there.

so, as i reflect on my secret celebration and embrace the sweet memories of her, i am breathing a little easier and looking forward to adding one more to our family of four.

sweet cheeks

sleeping cutie… April 7, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in my boy, my joy!, my ramblings....
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okay, so it was 4:3oish a.m. and andre’s alarm sounded off (beep, beep, beep, beep).  anyhoo, myles had come in to snuggle with me but had pretty much fallen back asleep.  as the alarm goes off and without even moving or opening his eyes myles says, “good morning dad” and then he continued to sleep.  it was cute and funny how he did that.  and i know that he was really sleeping because the very moment after he said those words…he was snoring. 

i know that was pretty random but it was toooo cute.  had to share. these days, everything is super sentimental to me…i blame it on being pregnant.  teehee

true colors… April 6, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in all about change, hmmmmm, life, my ramblings..., open minded.
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okay, so i recently participated in something that was not by any stretch a chore for me.  it was something that i enjoy doing and comes second nature to me.  i went into this, well, let’s just call it a little venture.  if i had known what the end result was going to be i would really call it a test of who i’ve grown to be. 

i went into the “venture” with no expectations and i laid pretty low about what i knew and any experience that i possessed (not that it’s impressive at all).  anyhoo, i noticed something that was quite surprising and petty.  whispers and odd questions.  you know, the who are you and where did you come from and from where did you suddenly appear kind of questions.  i got a bit of the you don’t belong in our club kind of behavior.  i must admit, it was a bit irritating at first, but i quickly rethought my response and decided to play it laid back and cool.  this is not always the case especially because snippy, snotty and judgemental and rigid thinking people…spells U-G-L-Y.  but, there is something that i realized about people that act the way they do with that kind of behavior.  they are threatened or insecure in some way and not by me, but anything they threatens their closed minded comfort level.  it may have absolutely nothing to do with me or others that they are being ugly to, but everything to do with personal issues of their own.  insecurity can make people behave in some ridiculous ways sometimes.   *that’s a whole other blog post for another day*

but, back to the story.  so, i continued to participate in this project and i encountered some nice and simply friendly and welcoming people.  then there were the others.  they happened to notice that i caught them being U-G-L-Y.  i said nothing and remained cordial to them.  they realized they were busted and tried to play friendly.  i smiled and kept a distant friendly demeanor.  quite an improvement from what i wanted to say or do which would have been cold shoulder and put them in their place.  i can be pretty good at the latter of these two scenarios, but i’ve chosen to reign in the ‘tude a whole lot more. 

as time moved on, i stayed involved with this venture even though i really seriously wanted to be elsewhere.  so, on the very last day of this venture i was saying goodbye to some of the people and one of the U-G-L-Y people happened to be standing right there and heard our conversation.  they also heard some information that surprised them a bit.  that person stood there with their mouth gaped open and surprised…wondering why i hadn’t said anything to prove my worth before now.  hmmmmm, prove my worth? 

for me, the whole experience was a humbling one.  but what was even more humbling was being able to walk through a situation not having to prove myself when i really did have it to prove.  you see, i’ve lived a lifetime of trying to prove myself to people.  i did it to such a point that i was always on the defense to defend who i  my good will.  it was crazy.  just plain ol’ crazy i tell ya. 

the thing about life now is that i couldn’t care less what someone believes or thinks of me or what they may judge me to be or not be.  the thing about trying to prove yourself to people is that you never will.  what you end up doing is proving that you’ve given weight to their opinion and words and judgement.  my response now to what others think (most times) is “so what, who cares” and i try to prove nothing to them and just simply be who i know that i am and who i was created to be. 

so, to the end of this whole venture thingy i was involved in – i somewhat dreaded it at times because of some U-G-L-I-N-E-S-S, however, i chose not to assert my right to be just as ugly and to hang in there for the good of the what i was doing.  looking back on it, some people are petty and what i’ve noticed is that petty is soooo third grade, ya know? 

to the point of showing your true colors…

never let others drag you into their ugliness and drive you to begin to act out of character.  show your own true colors and never let your good character be tainted by judgement, lies, injustice or otherwise.  trust that it will always work out in the end…even if it doesn’t seem like it.  trust me, i’ve been there and done that…many times!

until next time,

c ya

losing my religion while holding on to my peeps… April 1, 2010

Posted by jonesgurl in resurrection sunday.
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this is a repost from last year easter week…

holy week is a good time for revival of our soul and relationship with God and to basically lose your religion.  so with that being said, i was just thinking about a few things as i was hanging out with my peeps…

being a candy addict, i certainly can appreciate all the yummy seasonal candies that arrive just in time for us to fill those easter baskets.  one of the fun parts to the weekend is raiding the easter basket of my myles. mmmmmmm, num yummy.  okay, it’s more like pillaging his easter basket when he is not looking. oh, i hang my head in shame with a peep hanging out of my mouth.  teehee. 

 my family and i engage in many different holy week and easter weekend festivities.  the thoughts and the rush of all the following will be happening in many different families, homes, churches, etc:  little girls and their adorable little easter dresses, little boys wrestling with their ties that match their easter suits.  there won’t be a shortage of easter hats, easter baskets, easter candy, easter shopping, big family easter dinners, easter sales, easter egg hunts, easter hair-dos, easter pageants, easter shoes, easter ham, easter cooking,  and so on and so forth.  by the way, what does ham have to do with easter?  i’ve always found that to be strange interesting.  anyhoo…

all of these things many of us have done or will do annually, without fail, sometimes with much angst…religiously.

for some people, holy week is a time to revive their relationship with Christ or maybe for the first time are reconciled to Christ.   we acknowledge, recognize, celebrate, remind ourselves and stand in awe of  what happened over two thousand years ago on our behalf. 

as my heart is stirred and i stand at a loss for words for the example Christ was for us.  even in the midst of extreme torture, what strikes me as one of the most profound moments of that night…”father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” 

as i acknowledge what he did for me and how he did it – it’s enough to make me lose my religion.  by religion i certainly don’t mean to not go to church or to not believe in God.  as a person who believes in being passionate about life and whatever you put your hands to, i feel just the same about not being religious about how you do church, but getting passionate about living as Christ lived.

as we well know, to live as Christ lived was not out of ritual and there was much sacrifice involved.  and as you can tell by some of his last words, it was not easy to take it all…for us.

to celebrate this holy week and all the activities that go with it, remember to focus less on the rituals of the season and take your mind, heart and soul to a place of holy renewal, holy wonder, holy awe, holy belief.

i’ll never be able to wrap my head around the sacrifice and the passion of our Lord.  but i would much rather live as passionately as he did and lose my religion any day.  that certainly doesn’t mean that i will lose my belief in Him.